Weakness in Me

Every time I see you, I feel like you are on the other side of the world; yet we are in the same room. You are a lifetime away from ever knowing what goes through my mind, for I can’t risk the idea of you knowing each little detail of affection I hold. You may easily use my weakness for you against me, and I fear for that time to come around the corner.

When you speak, everything inside of me halts for a moment in time. The depth of a voice which comes with being a man, strikes me deep in the center. If I turn my head to face your voice, I cannot help but watch as your Adam’s apple slides up and down to each syllable you pronounce aloud. Then I am struck with an image of pure alluring temptation. An image where I get to glide my lips along your soft pale skin, teasing you as I feel your skin radiate heat. You are excited, as am I. I do the daring, and kiss your Adam’s apple, feeling it slide beneath me as you gulp. You weren’t expecting that. But I know very well what I am doing, and what it is causing you to feel.

Then the image is ceased. I forget where I am in time, and go back to looking at the book laying in front of me, flustered from the thoughts that run freely through my mind. You make my studying difficult, because I am tempted to think about what could be. If only you would allow me to calm down and make a move. But every time we come in contact the only thing that is transferred is frustration and anguish. Which makes you think I don’t want anything to do with you, it is definitely not the case.

But I am timid. If only I could express myself properly, giving you all the right signals. Not just going around in circles like children do. We are adults, but when it comes to you, my mind is under the influence that I am fifteen years younger, where pain and bullying is the best way to let someone know you are interested.

Alas, you are still the first person to make me feel or act like a little girl again. Never before have I been this way with someone of whom I was attracted to.

Maybe you are just so different from the norm, that you change me as well.

Who knows, but all I know is this thing between us, this thing which hasn’t even blossomed, is and will be complicated. And I apologize for being different from your norm as well.