built of contradictions

I love being funny and making people laugh, and I'm almost as annoyed by my sense of humor as I'm afraid everyone else is.

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I've got a hard body and a sharp mind, and yet I'm a complete softy.

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I'm annoyed by just about every nationality and I'm deathly afraid that someone will one day find out.

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I have the patience of a saint, as long as everybody stays out of my way.

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I revere the elderly, and simply detest the way they drive.

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I adamantly oppose people who believe in things adamantly.

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I have the delicate sensibilities of a poet, and a terribly crude sense of humor.

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I always try to say exactly what I mean, and yet I struggle to make myself understood.

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I'm just about the cheapest bastard you will ever meet who would still give you the shirt off his back.

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I feel that suicide is the worst possible option that a person could ever take, and yet I think about it far more than I should.

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I'm a terrible trouble maker who meekly follows every rule.

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I love the blues, but only when it's red hot.

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I find women endlessly fascinating, and yet I can't find one that interests me.

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Stupid people frustrate me to tears, and at the same time I think that it's a really stupid way to feel.

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I'm a pokey hurrier and confidently insecure.  I laugh when I cry and I beg forgiveness when I spit in your eye.  I'm a raucous hermit, steadfastly inconsistent, and a relaxed bundle of nerves.  I'm absolutely certain of all of my contradictions.

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And that's just the way I am..........................................or not.