again my past torments me. silently crushing me inside. my heart
aches at the sight of the words i once held dear. feelings, i do
not understand, mess with my mental state. all at once, guilt and
fear push me into my room of solitude. the place i so carefully
avoided. its darkness taunts me. i sit in the corner...memories
pass through my brain. i shake. my hands unconsciously scar my face
in pain and blood. my nails digging deeper into my sweat soaked
skin. a piano solo plays in the background. its harsh tones chill
me. tempted by his suggestions. am i really that person? i was for
so long... am i no different? so many, many memories torture me. i
can't even think straight any more. my thoughts are a blur. how can
you love someone like that? but you dont even know. perhaps you
never will.. a past is just a past. it does not define the person.
does it? things seem to be going so well. so why am i in this
state? i am so confused. i feel somewhat alone. somewhat lost. but
completely fearful. i suppose its fair to add sadness to the heap
of emotions. a sense of worthlessness brushes by. chillingly cruel
voices point out my mistakes. my head hangs low at unwanted
thoughts. my hair in my sarrowful face. sweaty hands. empty eyes.
slowly i begin to calm myself. repeating to myself that its
alright. it must be. i cannot feel this way. i'm better than that.
carefully i pick myself up. and i move along...
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