Why can't you understand that you hack away at my heart just by breathing? My body suffers when I feel this way. Everything about you makes me cringe with emotion. Your legs, your hands, your chest, your voice, your lips, your nose, your eyes, even your organs. I want to breathe in the air from your lungs and touch the skin that teases. Anything that is of you makes the struggle a full on war with myself.
Could it be possible to give your heart to a stranger, hoping to god, that they like what they see? I think I could go on with no heart, knowing you had it safe in your chest. Poisoning me, just like any mental sickness, you started slow. I have become your personal pushpin for which you stick needles into and rush your venom inside. Truth is I see it in your eyes. You don't want me to get better, because you like it, and I hate you for it.
I feel guilty every day of every minute because you're whose in my head when I space off, or when I look sick with sadness. They have no idea what goes on in my brain. Like a reoccurring nightmare, you come and go. I tell myself it is normal to feel these things, to react the way I do, but when has it ever been okay to lie to yourself? It's not, because it is you that makes me face the real infection I'm hiding from. God, your so beautiful to me...
How could you do this? I see you in everyone, and my stomach twists in knots. My heart beat feels like punches, and my mind goes silent as if I'm drowning. Do you drown with me or float in a life boat? I take responsibility as the fool because I am the youngest. I cannot digest the process quickly though, because it was better to believe the lie. It had seemed like fate but then everything was ripping me from you. I needed to end it.
Surviving seems like purgatory with you so close but so far away. My mind cries for you to let me go and let me be with my thoughts again, but no, I need to let you go and let you be with yourself. I'm bound to you by love, insanity, pleasure, hatred, and something truly undescribable. I've lost the will to face you. I've lost the will to be there anymore. There is nothing left to be done, because now I have the benefit of the doubt. I love you to much. mi corazón se está rompiendo