Have you ever felt the feeling of a spirit fighting to remain
Everyday I wake up and ask "So whay did I get up today?"
I drag my hollow, empty body out of bed and into the shower.
As I bathe, I can't help but think 'Do you really think a boy will notice something different about you today?'
As I get out of the shower, I stare at myself in the mirror and mock "You're so ugly why do you bother to try and look your best everyday?"
When I get my contacts in I feel my heart-gut ache,'I'm getting blinder everyday, I'd better finish my life's work before it completely goes away.'
I enter my living room with a false smile on my face.
A devil in my head mocks 'Your mother expects the same fate to come to you, as your sister's.
Your brother sits there and wonders how he's going to break you today!'
At school I sit there and face the oppression that high school has to offer.
I am a ghost to all. I go unseen and unheard.
Now school is over and I must walk to the library with my brother. All along the way he boasts:
"You're so ugly that a blind man wouldn't want to be with you."
"Don't be stupid in public."
"When my friends ask if you're my sister, I say you're not"
"I hope you get hit by one of the passing cars!"
When I get home, I am ignored by all unless my mother or brother want something from me.
When it's time to go feed our chickens (two of which are aggressive) I think about that boy who broke my heart.
It's been almost a year now, but I can still feel a fracture-a sore- that he left behind. It's like a scab that you keep picking at so that it never heals.
I limp back into the house with a fresh wound from the birds, I can feel the blood trickling down my legs, turning my white socks red.
I think 'Suck it up, there'll be a scab over it in the morning.'
I crawl into bed later that night and lay in agony, I can feel my spirit starting to break.
I review the list in my mind of feelings that have died long ago:
My body begins to quiver as I invision the boys that I've had my eye on.
'Break your heart now so they won't do it later'
I feel a tear slide down my cheek.
Breaking your own heart is like breaking bones, it's hard and painful.
I eventually give up my brutal attack on my heart and lay there exhausted and with tears streaming down my face.
I silently wish that my life would end.
Right before I slip into my slumber I think:
'If something is too good to be true in my life, then it usually is'
But yet while I sleep, something mysterious comes and patches up my injured spirit and wounded heart.
The next day I awake with another excuse and live the exact same day all over again.