The day we first started dating. I thought to myself that you were
so handsome, so beautiful, and so broken inside.. I wanted to help
you as much as i could... I tried my best, even though i was still
so weak, to be your foundation.... to help you see a brighter side
of life...I stood by your side through thick and thin...Remember...
last Christmas... when the band had their yearly trip to Six Flags?
...it was wonderful, even if your family dragged me onto that damn
roller coaster, Texas Giant...you told me to be brave..you held my
hand.. kept me warm too...before we left, we watched the light
show, both with our glasses off..i remember what you said it looked
like "its so weird and blurry" ..and the way we laughed at the
thought of credits moving up the screen to the music that was
playing on the intercom....Then on the way back home, we sat in the
back seat together and we had our first kiss, soon after i fell
asleep, my head in your lap...I left my hat in your mom's van.. and
on Christmas Eve.. you and your mom came over to my house to return
it.. You met my family... and my dad.. which was clearly awkward
for you. I remember us sitting at the kitchen table, messing with
my mom's Ipad, watching a video..... We fought a lot, but we always
found a solution to the cause of the fight... We looked after each
other... I knew you love me.. The first time i went over to your
house... when i first met your dad... he was such a nice man..
childish, but nice... and i loved your mom to death, she was an
amazing women...and your brother... kinda kept to himself.. but
still just as polite as the rest of them... they accepted me into
the family...*laughs a little* They even made jokes about us
getting married... and my little brother he called you his
"brother-in-law", ..we were so happy......then summer came...we
didn't get to see each other much.... i was upset that i couldn't
see my dad, but to my surprize i got to visit him. So i went up to
Missouri and we suddenly had a huge gap between us.....Our
relationship turned into a downward spiral... We told each other to
be strong, that this was just another obstacle to get through..
somehow that wasn't enough...when i came back... i surprised you at
practice.. you were done marching.. i went up to the fence... and
you cried, your smile was so beautiful...and your embrace was
reassuring, and warm......we thought everything was going great...
first week of school went by.....Friday: Lindale's first football
game it was an away game... i couldn't wait to see you though...
mom had to tell me to sit still several times..at half time i swear
i was the first one up and over by the fence gate that the band
members were spilling out of...i saw you, and hugged you from
behind...you looked upset, when i asked you said you would tell me
later on Steam......But... it was worse news then i had thought...
Saturday when i woke up, i got on steam, and told you good
morning... and asked you what you had to tell me at last night's
game... the words you replied ill never forget: "a girl confessed
her feelings for me"... i knew i could get over that until you said
"and i realized i have feelings for her too"...I'll never forget
how much i cried that night
We broke up... both broken....both confused... School got so hard
to focus on, crying in every class i was in practically...at lunch
i still sat at our table, to get a spot for our group... Hailey
started to help us both, asking what was wrong, telling each other
what the other's feelings were....i looked in that pocket on your
lunch box... still had my photo, and all the drawings and poetry i
gave you...Which made me smile..but sad that you still left
Meanwhile inside me, i was crying so much, the world might of
flooded so much that the Earth couldn't hold anymore tears... You
were everything to me... and then it was gone... you said you and
her were only friends...... but my jealousy got the best of me...
I kept imaging you two holding hands... kissing... walking down the
hall together.......you swore you wouldn't do that to me... that
you loved me more...
..The next weeks that followed were so damn confusing... we talked;
then we didn't... we forgot the other existed; then one would try
to get the other's attention.....
Hailey talked to you.. and she told me what you said... "i just
want her to move on, to find someone better".....i tried so hard
not to cry the remainder of the day, until i got home after 6th
period... and now.. now that tomorrow is the day that the love of
my life would've been with me for a year... ..is the day i'll dread
the most ... for the rest of my days.....
I hope that you will read this someday, Zachary... baby, I still
love you... I can't move on, especially since your all i think
about.....I will always love you... I wasn't enough to satisfy your
needs and wants... but that won't ever change the way I feel about
Love Forever & Always