Infatuations

I tried to be careful of you.

I tried to make sure you would never be hurt.

I tried to love you.

     You were on the floor unconscious. You were still and motionless, but yet still elegantly beautiful. I paced the floor of my basement, trying to decide what I wanted to do next. I ran through what I knew in my head. I knew you would be waking up in a few hours. I knew you still had your cell phone on you and would call the police when you woke up. I knew I had a gun on me and could end this all easily. I knew you deserved the right to kow why I did what I did. You deserved the truth.

     I had been watching you ever since you were 11 years old. Your blonde hair and innocent eyes caught my attention. You were laughing with your friends at the park, clueless to the man who walked up and sat down beside you on the swings. It soon got to be dark, and your friends decided it would be best if you all went your seperate ways and went home. Do you remember this day? You started walking up the narrow sidewalk that led to your house. I was almost unaware of what a beautiful night it was. The sky had turned a pinkish-gold and the clouds were a resilient orange. The sky only added to the beauty that walked in front of me. I followed behing you, at least 20 feet at all times. I would follow suit for the next five years so you could never hear my footsteps. You soon made it to your house, 1198 Freman Drive, a place that I would soon spend many nights on that driveway.

     You walked in your front door and eventually made it up to your room. The light flicked on and I witnessed your room for the first time, with all of it's blue and green stripes. It was getting late for a school niht, 8:58 to be exact, so you undressed and put on pajamas, sweats and a tshirt. This was the first time I saw you without a shirt on, no coverings to hide your already developed chest. I was stationed outside so I had a full view of you. I didn't think it was possible, but you were more beautiful without clothing on then with. The light soon flicked off and you were in bed, a steady breathing coming from your open window. I carefully but quickly climbed the tree that was outside your window. I placed it so I could watch you fully, but still escape if need be. I must have stayed there for hours, because the next thing I knew, you were starting to toss and turn. Your eyes flickered open and gazed around the room. I was down and out of the tree before your eyes could meet mine.

    I walked from your house, back to the park where I had left my car. It surprised me that the police didn't tow it. I jumped in my hybrid and drove off, still pondering what I had just done. I quickly arrived at my house. I soon figured out mine was only 7 minutes and 32 seconds away from yours by car. I counted. I walked in the door and removed my clothing. I showered and dressed myself for work this morning. I worked at a construction site where my job was to go to the highest buildings and do repairs at the top. I put on some jeans a tshirt and readied myself for a long day of work. 

    I didn't know you would be etched into my mind. I didnt know I could be hammering nails into the wall and thinking of your blonde hair at the same time. I didn't know it would be so har to keep your breasts out of my mind. I couldn't see how I couldn't go back and see you again. I had to find out everything about you. I left my job early, only stopping to report my absence to my boss, saying I would be taking  a mental leave for the next week. I drove to your house just as school left out. I was careful not to let the school bus driver notice the presence of my car, usually not sitting there. Kids exited the bus and said goodbye to their friends. You were the last one off the bus. No one said goodbye to you. All of me wished I could go back in time again and be that kid who made your day because they had said goodbye to you. My heart ached. Most of the kids left, leaving you to walk alone up the driveway to your house. I made a mental note to park at the end of the street from now on. You walked inside for a few brief moments, then exited to go down to the park to meet your friends, which apparently had not been on your bus. I took this time to survery your house and room, since your parents were not home.

   I waited until you had turned the corner until I got out of my car and walked up the short driveway that led into your garage. It amazed me that you had kept all the doors open. I walked in with ease, amazed at the very homely sight around me. Your dishes were well kept and not a crumb lay on the floor. I turned the corner and went up the stairs, eager to find your bedroom. To my luck, your bedroom was the first up the stairs. I opened your door and felt nothing but sheer joy. Your room was smaller than what I thought, but big enough for an 11 year old. My first impulse was to lay on your bed. I did so and took in all of the smells of vanilla and lavender around me. It pleased me more than anything to be laying on the same bed you did every night. Everything ended too soon. I heard the door open and you yelled, "Mom! I'm home!" Had I really been here that long. I jumped off your bed as quietly as I could and pushed open your window. I jumped out and landed, surprisingly. I made it out not seconds before you entered the room. I quietly sneaked down the driveway and took off running, full of fear and excitement at the same time.

     My heart was now beatin outside of my chest. I kept walking, careful not to draw too much attention to myself. What I thought was your parents passed by me. I wished with all my heart I was in that van on the way to your house, with ready access to your room and your heart.