November 15, 2011
Somehow I got through the worst weekend of my life.
I feel dumb. Every person I've told (not that it's a lot, but still) has asked me, "are you still with him?" Why yes, yes I am. I LOVE him! Is that so bad?
It's like this- It was my perfect relationship. OUR perfect relationship. And he ruined it. They both did. She says "You guys are perfect together." Then why'd he kiss you? Why Jake? God, I dont know how long it's going to take for this hurt to go away. This almost makes me question him. But I dont. I know he loves me. Even now, more than ever. I feel like he is going to dump me. Like he's going to see right through my "trying to act normal" towards him, see how unhappy I still am at him, think "why bother?" and then break it off.
I told them they were both on thin ice. How come I fee like I'm the one on thin ice?
I know he feels guilty. Does she? No excuses. Right? When I said that, it was directed to her. Oh and now she's saying shit like "he put his hand up my shirt."
I know he didn't. Your acting like it is ALL his fault. It's not.
Why did you kiss her Jake? Why? In my house? With my best friend? In my basement with me no more than 5 feet away?
(LIghts were off, we were playing hide-and-seek)