February 1, 2012
Tonight me and Jake hung out for the first time since we broke up (4 days after). It was...bad. For me at least. I drove us to Starbucks and we drank our stuff in my car because it was kind of crowded. At one point in my car he says, "I kind of want to kiss you." and I said, "I kind of want to kiss you too..." And he was like "But we're not together..." and i was like "nope." and he said, "So that would be wrong." and i said "totally, completely wrong." and he was like "thats not even moral." and i was like "totally not." and then he came all close like he was going to kiss me, and I was about to but I stopped myself and I was like, "Jake, I want to, but I can't." and (still close to my face) he was like "I wasn't gunna." and while he was talking his lips brushed against mine and oh my God. I can't do this..I cant.
Oh and the whole time he talked about Sam. It was super fun. -.- My fault though..I'm the one who brought her up.
What's the point? I go through every miserable day wanting him and nothing else. Then I come home and cry myself to sleep. WHAT IS THE POINT?! Last time I thought like this I told Jake and he asked me what my "Goal in life" was. And I said, grow up and marry him. and he said "well then that's your purpose in life." Well what is it now? Huh?? What is it now that I can't have you??