Twist of the Knife

Deep in the darkness, it hits like a wave

Guilt will be the ruin of me; there'll be nothing left to save

I don’t understand how I could do what I did

Yes, it was only words, and it is true I was just an insecure kid,

who didn’t understand things,

and the way out of the pain that life brings,

but that’s no excuse, I should have seen it then,

how much hurt I caused another, way back when

It’s been 30 years, but it seems like yesterday

If I can’t stop thinking about it, kill me it may

I hope I’d act differently now, be more of a man

Someone give me some guidance, help me to understand

I know deep down it’s my burden alone,

but I reach out for someone who might have known

a similar story, and can show me the way out

of this self-inflicted nightmare; I just want to shout:

“Oh god I’m sorry, please try to forgive.”

She’ll never know the depths of my pain; I’ve got to learn to live

with the words I should have said, and the way I should have acted,

and the intestinal fortitude I clearly lacked,

for if I can’t, I’ll be forever in the black,

fires of Hell will consume my thoughts, and I’ll never find my way back

to the surface, I’ll drown in my mind

Won’t someone help me, so some peace I can find?

A twist of the knife, I bring on myself

I need to dust off a spot on the shelf

of the case in my mind where I keep bad things,

so I can forget, and the release that forgetting would bring