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I sit here and wonder who I really am

Poetry By: paloma0703
True confessions

Just some thoughts

Submitted:Feb 10, 2013    Reads: 34    Comments: 10    Likes: 6   

I sit here and I wonder who I really am

Am I the face behind the mask who says 'I know I can'

The early years of childhood embedded deep in me

A sense of insecurity that no one ever sees

Too scared to show outwardly emotions deep inside

They see me as the strongest one but from myself I cannot hide

Pretending I need no one and everyone needs me

There's not a day that has gone by that I don't want to scream

Shouts of rage, rejection, disappointment and of fear

You'd think that I'd be over it but I can't help but hear

My mother's torment, mommy's yell, the sound her hand would make

When she unleashed her wrath on me and hoped that I would break

The years went by and I moved on to more and more abuse

Instead of on the outside, internal was the bruise

Drugs and alcohol my friends are easy outs for sure

I thought that I was all grown up, I thought I was mature

It took a many losses of opportunities

To finally realize I could not bury me

I had to fight through all the pain and start to fix my flaws

I saw the downward spiral and had to take a pause

Some time alone did me so well

Away for once from all the hell

Made more mistakes along the way but that's to be expected

The only thing I wanted most was not to be rejected

I found my way or so I thought by building up a wall

I wanted everyone to know that I could do it all

For years I never shed a tear, some said I died inside

Behind the label of Ice Queen my hurt could now reside

Until the day that fate took hold and presented her to me

Never believing Love existed but with her I could see

That Love was there, beyond that wall, just waiting patiently

For me to face my demons and show some bravery

She showed me to be generous and not to just the world

But to myself and let her in, my heart was soon unfurled

The Love she gave was pure and true

Easy it was to adieu

To all the pain and sorrow that I'll never feel again

No words could ever thank enough my lover and best friend

I sit here and I wonder who I really am

The answer to that question will never have an end

We grow with each experience that life throws out our way

The me that I am right now will someday go away

Just like that little girl who's insecurities

Led to a series of events that changed during her teens

The teenage girl who knew it all but sadly was mistaken

Is also gone and sits here now a woman in the making

I cannot say I've found myself because I am not done

I am known now as Paloma, the Spanish word for dove

The bird of peace, how very fitting, since that is what I've found

In Love with everything around from Heaven to the ground


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