You know you write all these stories of love and passion when all along you sit and you live a lie.
No matter how well you write a book of love a man loving a woman or a woman loving a man you have no clue.
You sit there and you live less than what your books say.
The love you thought you once had hasn't been there in years granted I give you props for hanging in this long but come on we both know its not there any more.
I mean think about it you live in the same house but that's about it.
The look you give him is pain the looks he gives you is agony neither of you want to be here but you are .
If it were better circumstances maybe things could be different but after 5 years of this don't you think its enough.
You have already ruined what could have been a pretty decent life 2 men 2 child 1 man big lie.
Day in and day out you sit and you wonder why your children are so distraught half the time.
Don't you think they feel your pain?
They sense these things you have already laid the cards of their future in front of them.
How could you even put yourself through this? How could you put your children through this?
You lay in bed every night back to back staring at the clock wondering what life would be like if you went down a different path.
Before you could have walked easily but now its harder for you isn't it? You have no where else to go.
You still love him that's a fact I see it on your face everyday.
But does he love you? Some times I think he doesn't even care about you.
All you do is fight and cry its your own damn fault.
You have no one to blame but you.
Now your stuck in this situation till you can get yourself out.
I thought you wanted better in your life what happened to the you you used to be?
The one that wanted to be famous?
The one that wanted to write the great American novel.
The greatest romance writer alive you wanted to be as worthy as Shakespeare. I guess he was right when he said " What fools these mortals be" Because you are a fool for believing that you could even be that great I'm so disappointed in you.
The life you wanted for these children the way you are now.
Your sitting here living a lie you can do much better than this.
Why would you even want to live like this?
You have become accustomed to living this way its like you enjoy living this way.
These kids count on you to make there lives worth while.
Why are you slacking?
They cant be them and try to succeed in life if their mother doesn't act like she is a real woman and not a fake someone that doesn't need anyone.
Just rememeber that you are a strong independent woman that can do anything as long as she tries to.
You shouldn't be stuck behind a man that doesn't want to stick behind you to.
My deepest regrets,