Why do I do what I do?
To feel alive
To feel awake
To feel the pain
To feel my skin break.
To release the anger
To release the stress
To release the fears
To release secrets that I repress.
To continue living life
To continue my lies
To continue my fake smile
To continue muffling my cries.
Why do I do what I do?
Because without it,
I don’t feel
I don’t have a release
I don’t want to continue
I’d never be at peace.
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So tell me once more to stop what I do
Tell me to be numb
Tell me to keep it in
Tell me to end it all
Tell me it’s not just skin.
Teach me how to feel another way
Teach me how to release the pain I’m in
Teach me how to continue living
Teach me how to laugh and grin.
Save me when I fall into the pit within me
Save me when I my secrets are suffocating
Save me when I find no reason to live
Save me when I only see a future of misery waiting.
Why do I do what I do?
Because without it,
You wouldn’t tell me I shouldn’t be afraid
You wouldn’t teach me how to love life
You wouldn’t save me when I begin to drown
You wouldn’t be anything compared to my knife.
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You should be relieved
That I don’t ask for your help
That I am doing okay
That I found a way to move on
That I live every day.
I will never stop
Unless I find a new raft to hold on to
Unless I find a new way to control the pain
Unless I find that it doesn’t help anymore
Unless I find you helping carry my chains.
I’m no longer sorry that I do what I do.
I’m no longer afraid when I realize I’m surrounded by liars.
I’m no longer alone as my knife provides comfort.
I’m no longer victim to betrayal’s fire.
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