All around me is darkness.
The constant sound of dripping fills the air.
I breathe in stale air,
I breathe it out.
There's a window above my head,
bars and boards cover it.
It's the only source of light in this small room.
The only thing that keeps me sane.
Sometimes, I can see stars through the cracks,
sometimes, I can see green fields.
But the images are evanescent,
I have to hold myself up to see through the boards.
I’m never strong enough to do it for long.
My back presses against the cold, brick walls behind me.
Their wet with something.
I can't tell,
It's to dark to see,
my soul is too dimmed to care.
Chains hold me here, in this small room.
They weren't always there,
I was once free.
but then I was put here,
I was forced through a now locked door.
That door has never been open again.
Shredded cloths cling to my filthy body.
I tell myself,
“no man will touch you if you look like this.”
I cling to the hope,
it's the only thing I have.
But I’m wrong,
some men don't care,
they use you anyways.
They will violate you no matter how you look.
that’s what they did to me,
how he got pass the door...
I will never know.
But now, now I understand.
I’m not safe like this,
They will get me,
they will touch me,
no matter where I am.
Because I’m alone.
My body is broke, my limbs skeletal.
My hands shake as I mark another day into the wall.
If you could see all the marks, all the days scratched down....
would you understand why I’m in so much pain?
Why I’m afraid to feel safe?
to long I hear these voices.
They bounce off the walls,
they come through the walls.
I don't remember the day I accept them,
I don't remember when I finally believed them.
It's easier to believe, to accept who you are, then to fight.
Fighting needs strength,
strength I don't have anymore.
Another day goes by...
but this day is different.
I see someone else in this room,
in this cell.
It's a man.
I flinch back, I cower in my chains.
But he doesn't touch me,
he doesn't come towards me.
He sits down.
He studies me carefully.
I wonder where he came from.
“i wont hurt you.”
“your safe with me, I wont make you do anything,
I respect your space.”
the words are foreign.
No man has every told me that.
No one has....
me and the man.
Each day he comes closer,
each day I begin to fall more in love with him,
I trust him,
I’m safe with him.
But then a day comes,
he's not there,
another man is there.
The one from my nightmares.
He touches me,
he hurts me.
Then he leaves.
With him he takes my sense of self worth,
he takes my sense of safety.
The nice man, he comes back.
I tell him not to get too close today,
I tell him what happened.
I tell him I need a little space, just for the night.
He looks hurt,
I understand why.
I’m a monster,
I’m everything the voice told me I was.
I hurt him,
the one who has healed me.
Who has shown me hope again.
the voices are back.
not again, not here, not with him.
He studies me.
Does he know?
Does he know I wish I could change all this?
Does he know I love him?
I want to escape this room, with him.
When he's not there I struggle against the chains.
I pull and scream out,
they cut into my flesh, I can smell blood.
But I don't care,
I pull harder.
I need to escape,
I need to get out.
I have too, I have too...
If I can escape, I can save us.
If I can escape we can be free together.
The nice man is there again.
Standing in front of me,
he doesn't see the chains,
he doesn't see the blood.
He meets my eyes,
his are so beautiful.
Then they turn away,
he's looking to the side of the room I never notice before.
A loud sound comes from there.
It's a loud creaking sound,
I turn to see what it is, and I gasp.
Suddenly, my chains are gone,
suddenly my eyes see blinding light.
They adjust to the light, like they had to the darkness.
The once closed door, it's open now.
The man takes my hand, I don't flinch.
He pulls me into his arms,
he whispers something in my ear.
We walk towards the open door.
What he whispers makes me cry,
what he tells me I know is true.