The Hurricane’s Daughter
Do you remember when I first met you? Do you remember anything at all? It was science class I think, you were new and you caught everyone’s eye, including me. You were the talk of the guy’s table, they all would ask “Who is she?”, “Wow she is really cute”, or “Who’s going to make the first move?”.
I just sat there and looked at you. I wondered what kind of person you were, or even if you’d consider being my friend at all. At first I thought you were really weird, but turns out that I was the weird one.
I remember the first time I talked to you, at the closing concert, and all I said was “Hello”. I think we only talked for literally 50 seconds before you had to leave. Even though we weren’t really friends, I was sad you left.
Over the months we’d occasionally talk, pass each other in the halls and wave, until finally our families became friends. I was really awkward at first, because you were friends with my sister as well, and I found it really hard to compete with her because after all, she is a girl, and you’re a girl, you can see how easily that would work.
It really depressed me, I was so mad that no matter how hard I tried, My sister was the always the one who got the “Bye!! J” and the “Oh my gosh heyyyy!”. I always got the very last, sometimes your smiles would vanish when you saw me, I was in the shadow of my sister.
Between my family acting and up and being bullied I was feeling really depressed. I began cutting, thinking of suicide. But out of everyone, you were the one that noticed. I didn’t understand why you, a girl who I didn’t know too well would even care about me since I was obviously a third wheel.
You asked me if I was ok, and I told you my story. In those few hours we became closer, or at least I thought we did. Soon we were talking every day and just being friends. We shared dreams, fails and beliefs. You became like my sister, you were like family to me.
I could talk to you about everything, and even though many times you wouldn’t have any advice for me, you were there, and that’s all I needed. When I was about to stick a blade through my chest, you were there on the phone begging me not to believe the blade. The fear and pain in your voice is why I’m here today.
I never did get to really thank you for that, since that time I’ve tried to show you how much you really mean to me, how much I love you, and how much I want to be there for you when you need someone to talk to.
As close as we were, you rarely told me anything, occasionally you would be upset and tell me about what’s going on, but then you retracted, as if you didn’t trust me. Which kind of hurt, but I can’t expect people to feel the same way about me as I feel about them. When I’d see something bothering you, I asked you, I cared, but you shut me out, you said it was nothing.
We both know that it wasn’t “nothing”. We all have been hurt, our trust in people has been terribly shaken, and it seems like all hope is lost. I had a nickname for you, “Hurricane” because of your middle name of “Katrina”. I was so proud of that name, you used to call me “Stalker”, and I don’t even remember why. Either way it was cool that we had nicknames for each other.
As time went on, we both became distant. Almost as if we didn’t want to be friends anymore. I couldn’t understand why, was it me? Was it something I did? Was it something I said? Now we’re at the point where we don’t really talk anymore, it’s almost like the Brother/Sister friendship we had was gone. It was like the first day we met almost.
When I see you I can see you changing, not only in face and figure but in personality as well. I know you’re under a lot of stress, and with all those guys who like you, and see you at school, what chance to I have of getting you back? I knew that one day, one of my best friends would fall out of my life, I- I just didn’t expect it to be you. I don’t think you ever really knew what you meant to me, I told you many times how much you meant to me, but you either didn’t hear, or you didn’t believe.
I know you’re in a hurricane of your own, I know what it’s like; I know how you feel in some ways. Please, don’t shut me out, let me help, and let me be your friend. I love you Alexandra, and I want to help. Maybe you never really cared about me? Did you just say those things so you wouldn’t feel guilty if I killed myself? Did you ever really understand?
Now you have a life of your own and now all the guys at will draw your attention, you’ll forget I ever was there. You’ll do new things, you meet new people, and with all those guys I doubt I’ll ever get you back.
I am nothing, just a boy who fell in love with a sweet girl and wanted nothing more than to be her friend. I am nothing special; I’m only a boy, in the shadows of people who are better than me. But I pray you see one day, that I loved you, that I cared, that I was there for you, that you were everything to me.
I miss you Alexandra, I miss how we used to talk, I miss the jokes we made, and most of all, I miss being your friend.
Whatever happens, just know that I’m here. Just know that I care, just know that I love you.