By: Austin R Garber
I don’t think I’ve ever been told that “I’m going to fail” so much in just one month. I’ve found a way out of life’s prison, a light in this endless darkness, a key to a door, and an answer to prayer.
10 years of being neglected, cast out, hated, unwanted and left for dead. And now I might be coming out of that for good, I’ve never felt so happy and I’ve never fought so hard to not pull the trigger.
“You’re too young; you’ll fail because it’s not real”. That’s what they say. They say I will do nothing but destroy everyone. They call themselves “Saviors”, they tell me that they are the reason I’m living a good life.
WAKE UP! Wake up to a dead life, for that is what I am living. Recently, my life didn’t seem so dead, it seemed alive at the least. Why, because I found someone who cared about me, someone who didn’t want me to die.
I’m a teenage boy trying to just make it through high school. The pressure, the manipulation, the lies; it’s all creating one huge fire. I was burning alive, and I could not leave, I had no wishes to. I was going to die alone and unnoticed, nothing new from my life.
I know I am nothing special, but someone is very special to me. Someone who I never thought would be. Well I thought wrong.
A month ago, I was going to kill myself, I was going to end this stupid life once and for all time, but as you can see, I’m breathing and writing this down. The reason for my very existence right now is not because I live in a house, it’s not because I have food, it’s not because I have water. It’s because someone found me, and made me feel special, and wanted me.
Being wanted is a new concept for me, not sure I quite understand it all. Sometimes I pinch myself while I’m on the phone just to make sure this isn’t all a dream.
Again I will not give names or details, but I can’t even begin to tell you have happy I’ve been this last month. Is this a relationship? Yes.
Is it a girl? Yes. I’m in a relationship with the most amazing girl ever! She’s so pretty and nice, though those are only a bonus.
She cares about me, she actually cares and that’s why I’m with her. I care about her a lot, I pray for her every day. Because she’s more to me than just a friend, she’s everything to me.
However there are people who just can’t seem to understand that this is truly bigger and more complicated then it seems. People have caused us so much stress and frustration, that it’s making it really hard. I cried because people will just not understand what’s going on and why this is happening, and they don’t have to.
I’m in this relationship for a reason. One is because I need her; she has become everything to me in this short time. And if something would ever happen to her my life would be over, I’m not dead because of her.
The most important reason of them is because we need each other. I am living this life for her, so she can stay alive and live the life she wants. Not just because we’re in a relationship, but because I can’t lose another friend, I just can’t. I would do anything to keep her here on this earth, and here with me.
And maybe one day she’ll see how special she is to me, and how much she means to me. You could even say I love her, you can call it what you wish.
So far people have tried to knock this down, but they need to realize is that I’m unbreakable and I will not leave because it hurts to be happy. So go ahead, judge me, hate me, hurt me, but if you lay a hand on her, you won’t have any hands.
All my life people have tried to make me fail, but this time. I WILL NOT FAIL!