You spent two weeks in December and one week in Janurary being mine but we spent a year being friends. You secretly wanted me the existence of your girlfriend. I secretly wanted you despite every boring, cliche boyfriend I had that year.Those two weeks in December and one week in Janurary I thought you were mine.
You acted like the boyfriend I wanted and needed. You drove in the blistering cold to see and kissed my forehead like no one did before you. You said you were falling for me. You said you never expected me to be the loving girlfriend. I proved you wrong.
I told you I never thought of you as the loving boyfriend type. Every conversation we had as friends was simply about sex. I thought you saw more to me than that. So I gave it up to you in a church parking lot one week in Janurary.
Then after that it was if I wasn't even human. For some reason, after that, my issues were too much to handle. I couldn't trust you so you chose to leave? You had this perfect method of making it seem like you were hurt too though. You really must be hurting to be with another girl now.
You told me you didn't want a relationship. You said you wanted the cute kisses and cuddles but not the commitment. I was honest and told you I could never give that to you without being hurt again. I really hope she is giving you everything you want though.
I made you pick me up Friday though. I made you see how good I looked and how I smoked my cigarette. I made you want me. Then you tell me you're going to go out with her.
So I took 80 mg of Adderally.
20 in front of you to make me shaky.
30 more in class to keep the buzz going.
30 more later so I won't remember your stark attitude with me.
I was laying shaking but you still didn't care about me. You'll never fucking care about me. Which is fine now because my feelings for you were shaked out and I said good bye to you with my body fidgeting uncontrollably. I don't care about you anymore and I don't care about the cd I bought you even though it was the last of my money and I don't care about the girl you're seeing since she's a coniving cunt and one of your best friend's cunt. I don't care because you don't care about the poems I wrote or the tears I cried or the drugs I took or the cuts you somehow placed on my body.
I don't care because you don't care.
And that's totally fine.