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The raving of a young man. Wrote this when I once felt my own self loathing.


Submitted:Jul 3, 2012    Reads: 41    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   


For all I know of my ordinary presence, I wanted to break free of the ideology of this common existence. Ever since when we were young, we are expected to act a certain way and take responsibility of what we have become.

When it comes to music, you listen to the songs that is popular then. But the songs would keep on playing, over and over until it becomes an annoyance. To everybody else, it's the hottest thing. Placing their personality upon something someone else's created, something I've always hated.

You want to be a raver, or a rapper. A crooner or a swooner. You want to be Pop or Rock. And to those that wants to be the persona of rebellions, singing songs about how fucked up they've become because of their upbringing. To each their own self expressions, their own method of individuality. But they are all the same, classified in the same categories. There is no individuality if you've become a part of something that already existed, realistically.

But what if you were that one thing that stood out mysteriously. You're branded a freak or a stranger by society. Sometime the thing that is unknown becomes unaccepted, which leads to fear. Why can't I be who I want to be? There's something great inside of me. But I can't seam to let it out. I hear the knocking but I can't let it free. Though I just want to Break Free.

I know the thing inside of me won't be accepted by society. Even without the entity, the inner being in me, that I hid so secretly. My own ideas and actions is never accepted by the so called "humanity". Why must I follow the common theme of someone's way of Life. Why do I feel trap now, that I can't break away from the everyday archetype, by those perseived as family and friends who preached to me so religiously.

I feel trapped eversince I began working. When my own instinct revealed that it wasn't fitting to my greater liking. But I braved forward, continuing onward until I could not take it any longer. Confiding to my parents of the discomfort, but I was told to strive harder with no less thoughts of my anger. Years passed and I continue to feel awkward. Hating my job even more but my cries was never heard. Working in the dangerous hazards. So I revealed to those who I trusted that quitting my job is what I really wanted. But yet again I was scolded and my very thought of action was questioned.

"What else are you going to do with your Life?" they kept on mentioning. The answer is never clear to me. All I know is that I wanted to Break Free. But the door is shut before I can even open it. A knock is heard, loudly inside my heart but sooner became faint. I was good at concealing my emotions, but that lead me to insecurity. I feel I cannot do anything without the approval of my family.

Puny human...me smash! There was a loud crash, a deep pounding inside my subconscious. The knocking growing louder, threatening to break down the border of my mind. Trying to figure out what's going on. There's so much fire and rage, the anger growing strong. But I controlled it, yes I can. I know not to get my emotions out of hand. If I loose it, the hulking creature might rise. So I continue working in a place where I greatly despise! Continue to listen to the lies and ignoring my cries.

"I'll cut, cut you my prettys!" Madness! My mind splitting into two different feelings. Throbbing headache threatens to tear my noggins into pieces. The pounding, thumping inside my chest. But I must be calm, cool and collected at best. For there is something inside of me threatening to break free. Was it simply madness, or something else entirely? Something that resemble a Hulking monstrocities…





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