Choose A Side
Every 3 to 6 months we get a call at our house about going to the doctors for my many, shall we say, conditions. Now, I go all over the place: there is my eye doctor in Dayton. I always liked going there, we would get lunch and in the cafeteria, they have this slushy machine that gives out MT. Dew flavors, I know right, awesome. Then I would leave and spend the rest of the day relaxing, while knowing that all my friends are in school learning.
Next I go to my neurologist. We have to go all the way to cinncinati and spend and hour in traffic trying to get into the hospitals parking lot. We spend another 30 minutes to find a parking space and get into the doctors office. We usually talk about how I'm doing on my epilepsy and that I'm taking my medication everyday. Then we talk about what we need to do next like when I need to give blood or when I'm going to be able to get my drivers license. My doctor schedules the appointments and we leave. Now, here's the thing: I don't understand a word of what the doctors say, nor do I really care. My conditions come from something deeper then all that logical stuff.
I believe we all have a good and bad, nice and evil, or a pure and corrupt side to our being. We, as a person, are in the middle of these two sides. These two sides control our various feelings. When we are angry, sad, or just flat out lose our minds our corrupt side takes over. When we are happy, focused, or we need to understand something we rely on our pure side.
If you are as crazy and imaginative as me then you have realized these two sides are here to stay and will be with you all your life. There are people who depend mostly on one side to make all there decisions for them, let it be rue or corrupt. These few people are well known to be the happiest people in the world and will be successful in life; others though are known to be a loner and will hate the world for all that its done to them. I depend on both of my sides but there are times when one takes over control and it is very hard to get your original self back. Don't judge me on this but I've named my two sides: Nathan and Alex
Nathan is my corrupt side. He is…well I don't know what he really is. He developed at around 3rd grade and is still there to this day. I hear him speak in the back of my mind when I am mad and as my anger builds up he comes nearer and nearer. He came from fear and anger. Back during my elementary years I was picked on and threatened by other kids to never come back from like winter breaks. Now back then all my teachers were getting really tired of me staring off into space and not paying attention and, just like every other teacher would do, they put me on ADHD medicine. Its safe to say that that wasn't really the problem because really the whole time I was having "silent" seizures. They are seizures that show no physical properties but are still there. It took a LONG time but we finally found out that I have epilepsy.
Now on to Alex. Alex is my pure side. He helps me understand the world around and suppresses Nathan from taking control. Alex come to be when one day in math class I had a Grand mal seizure at the end of class. Now, when I have my seizures, thats Nathans chance to have a little fun but this day was special. Nobody had noticed me having a seizure until out of nowhere a boy ran into the room and came over to me to see what was happening. I instantly knew that it was Alex. Nobody had noticed him, it was as though he was invisible. He peered around the room trying to find a way to get someones attention. He looked behind him and saw my friend Marshall. Alex slapped Marshall across the back of the head. At first he thought it was me until he started calling me name and noticed I wasn't responding. He got up from his chair and walked over to check on me. he saw me drooling all over my papers and my eyes shaking non stop. "Mrs. Kissel I think that Drew is having a seizure." At first she thought we were kidding. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I"M KIDDING!" He yelled which scared half the class room and her. She called the office and in minutes the nurse, principal, and my mom came walking through the door into the room. A crowd of people was in the door way. Finally I came back to earth and we left. The good news was that I got to stay home for two days. the bad news was that I had to increase my medication. The reason why I know that was Alex was because during that whole time after Marshall found out what was going on Alex was right next to me the whole time with his hand on my back.
Well, there you have it, Nathan and Alex, My corrupt and pure. I still hear both there voices and still see them in my dreams. I know that they will be there my whole life. I have made peace with that and realized that no matter which side you choose to relate to, no matter which person you choose to be, your pure and corrupt side will always be there for you and against you.