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Sample Stories! (Help me pick one!)

Novel By: Mecia
War and military



Okay, here is the deal with these stories. I have not finished them, or even written any other chapters. There are two of them, and I want some feedback on them. If I get votes for both stories, I will continue both. If only one is good then I will scrap the other ideas. Thanks for your input! I really need help with this, I am sort of new to this writing thing, and please mind my grammar/spelling mistakes. It happens considering my age.

Thank you

Jacob T. Orcun View table of contents...


Chapters:

1

Submitted:May 5, 2012    Reads: 20    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   


SAMPLE ONE: Story not named.
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‎"Don't.... Move...." She held my wrist tightly, making a gesture with her other free hand toward the street. I gave her a simple nod, dehydrated, but soaked in rain water. The darkened sky gave us just enough cover to get us here undetected.

A truck passed by, playing some rap music from some foreign artist I had never heard of, but a simple beat that seemed to match the pace of my heart.

"Snipers on the Church roof, north" She did not point nor look up. "50. Caliber maybe..." She whispered.

About a minute passed before she she gave me the okay to make a move. "30 meters, watch streets. Snipers due east, watch the spotlight" I nodded. She ran across, taking cover behind the once moving cars on the street. I smiled dimly before following also, grasping my rusted, old, and jamming M14.

By the time I had gotten to the other side, She was standing on top of a chair, attempting to get look though a window.

"They seem to be on high alert today...."I said looking at all the spotlights.
She did not acknowledge my personal thoughts.

"Give me a lift" She ordered.

"Whatever it is you want..." I said, lifting her foot over the window sill. There was no sound from her footsteps inside. The locks rustled before the door opened. She sstood there for a split second in the light of the moon, it then reflecting her blue eyes, and once clean skin. All this time had done numbers to our personal hygiene, and yet she was still the cleanest out of us all... or by now just me. I smiled again.

The house was in horrible condition. Tables were broken , TV's had been busted, and what was left of the windows had been broken by rocks during a town riot. "Does the power work?" I asked.

She gave me a dumb look.

"Oh yeah... I forgot" I tried to cover my embarrassing expression.

"It's... Okay..." She said before turning around to look for things in the kitchen. I waited a minute or two until I decided to have a look around myself. I turned upstairs, looking at the pictures on the way up, most were just wet and molded. I saw a little girl, and her mom. Must have been single... no one else was in the picture but them, no one in the others as well. I rubbed my hand on the picture.
People used to be alive here... this used to be an actual house... there used to be people living here... with lives and routine. Well not anymore I guess. Times had changed with the world, and the ones who resisted this change, were killed. I wonder if she made it out with her little girl, I would hope so at least. I said a silent prayer, although I know many had been said like it, and none had most-likely come true.

I walked back downstairs, not planing to invade any rooms. I entered the kitchen. "Find anything?" I asked.

"Not a damn thing" She said frustrated.

"It's alright. I have enough food to get us by for the next few days. I have 4 rations, 2 large bottles of water, some instant noodles, condensed mil-"

"That's not the point!" She flashed out in anger... although it did not seem to be pointed to me. I moved my flashlight to the cabinet, looking at the empty cans that once held edible food.

"What's wrong Samantha?"

"Nothing" She was still standing, looking in one area.

"Something has to be wrong. You were never like this, you used to be-"

I didn't get to finish "The world used to be something Michael. Before all this bloodshed, before all this 'Complete dominance" Crap started. Before the will of one man, exceeded the will of the many. Before the war to keep peace was lost, before our mission, before we crashed, before everyone died... before it was just me and you" She said this quickly. All her pain had struck me at once.

I could see this was all too much for her to handle.

But I had to do something...

I could not let her go this alone, not now... not ever. She had been my leader, my commander, almost like an older caring sister. She had saved my life many times, and I am certain she would do the same with her own life, as I would for her.

"Samantha... I'm sorry that all of this happened, but I also went through this. I also felt the pain of losing friends."

There was a pause.

"But you were not their leader. I promised to bring them all back alive, bring them back to their normal lives, their families, what they normally did, I promised never to leave them behind... and yet... They are dead! I let them die!"

"Bullshit!" I found myself saying, but their was no going back. "You did everything in you power to keep them alive! We are not exactly fighting a fair fight you know. I mean, look at us!" I paused. "Like rats! We were given a mission, and too many of our fellow soldiers have died for the same cause. I will be Damned if I don't finish it. Even if it kills me, it will be done, we will kill him. Xena will die, an evil man he will die, and his blood may not cover the many lives he has ruined, but it will bring a bit of peace to my soul." I was enraged... but started to calm down.

She found a smile. "We will."

There was yelling outside, then the sound of footsteps. Before I could even say anything, the door was breached, the explosion knocking us down. I went for my gun, but a foot kicked it out of the way.
A man leaned over me, his men tying my hands behind my back, I could guess only the same for Samantha.

"So we found you..." Was all he said.

"Being kind of loud aren't you?" Another said. "Wouldn't want to wake the neighbors..."

I spat in his face.

"Fuck you"

His rifle his my face, causing me to lose vision for a few seconds. My head began to hurt.

"Watch it now boy. Wouldn't want to see your pretty little girlfriend get hurt now would you?"

She spat in his face as well. "Fuck you"

He wiped his face in disgust. "Get them away from here. I don't want to kill them, Xena has far worse plans I am sure. They will be pleading for death... You have been a pain to him for 2 years now."

I began to fade in an out of consciousness from the earlier hit.

2 years... 2... dreadful years.

(The Next chapter would begin in the past... him remembering what had happened. So... give me advise.... and thanks for viewing as always :3 )
SAMPLE TWO: Truth Lies Deep (Prologueand First Chapter)
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Truth Lies Deep
Prologue: Intervention

They tried to kill my kind, attempting to cover up the fact that they fucked up. They called it NOVA, Project NOVA, or as I call it now… hell. I was made a mixed breed, an advanced soldier, a ragdoll for a single use… expendable. Funny how their human brains work, feeling as if they can manipulate the natural world to make their lives easier, to crunch their own blood thirst. They think that they can do all of this without any kind of resistance or penalty… but that’s where their wrong about it all.
Looking off from the ANAX Tower, staring at this so called ‘Human World’, I realized that the false sense of security that they give their people will be their down fall. I’ll break every single city one by one until I get what I want. They want blood? That’s exactly what they will get, but the blood they require will be on the other hand, and in turn for their sins against the world, it will be them who will bleed.

“Shalor… I want you to know, that whatever happens, I’ll always be by your side” I smiled at the voice sounding from behind me. She had been reading my mind again… but I’m sure even if she wasn’t that my body posture would have given it away.

“Thank you Sasha… you are a noble friend” She smiled. I looked back off the 1022 story building. “They have no idea what we can do” I added, after a few seconds had pasted.

“Or they do… and are just trying to find out a way to kill us without alerting their people” I smiled… we had finally escaped… all of our lives being in captivity and we were finally free. I had to find the others… I could feel them out there.

“So… Shalor… how do you plan on getting us down from here?” I smiled.

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Chapter One: 24 Hours Earlier

“Alright everyone, your first field operation will continue as planned. Blue Team will consist of Shalor, Sasha, and Maria. Red Team will have Steven, Normandy and Tina.” The instructions were clear and easy to remember… kill everything, leave no survivors.
Maria shrived, and I saw a flick of fear in Normandy, but none of that mattered now, our first field operation had begun. We were made for this war, let alone this single operation.

“Now remember the Nanos’ that are running threw your body’s blood stream. If you even think about killing a fellow teammate, or straying off your path you will be killed…. Painfully and very slow” I frowned. That was the worst part of this… the stupid nano machines, but they did enable us to directly communicate to each other threw thought… and a bunch of other advanced futures also. “Now go to your designated helicopters.” We all stood and walked out into the pouring rain outside. The weather was bleak here from all the radiation and smoke, but the darkness was moving closer to the horizon, and would be right on top of us in less than an hour.
I stepped onto the helicopter and took a seat next to Sasha, sitting right across from Maria. Our commanding officer stepped in, taking the free seat next to Maria. The noise was so loud that I could barely hear him yell to the pilot to start flying. As the helicopter lifted, I looked down to the wet gravel, at our temporary base.

Are you sure you’re ready for this? Sasha asked me in my mind

Yes… I’m sure, and it should be fun being out of the lab!

Her facial expiration didn’t have a very sure look.

Just be prepared for anything… can’t have you getting hurt now. I smiled when she said this.

I attempted to reach Marias’ mind… but she wasn’t responding, and had shut her responsive unit down. I wonder what she was thinking about…

Just then the helicopter started to shake, I felt as if I was violently being shocked. The FLAK cannons from down below where attempting to put a hole threw our ride, and so far… it seemed like they were winning.

There was a large *thump* on the bottom of the helicopter.

“We’re hit! May-Day, May-Day!”

“We lost the first Fuel gage!”

I heard another *thump*.

“The pilots hit!”

Another *thump*

“We’re hit! We’re hit! May-Day, May-Day!”

“We just lost control of Thruster one!”

The helicopter began to spin, slowly at first… but I could feel it spiraling closer to the ground. I blacked out from the loss of oxygen.

There was a crash.

I blinked slowly, flames everywhere near the wreckage. I blinked again, faster until Maria Lifted me up. The rain was falling hard against me, and I saw the blood trails leading off of my shoulders and into the mud. My cuts healed almost instantly. I coughed, and almost blacked out again, straining to keep my balance, I held onto one of the metal pieces from the helicopter remains.
“Where is Sasha?” I asked worried, still dizzy.
“She fell off somewhere near the lake after she blacked out. I’m sure she has healed, but I can’t reach her mind… so she is probably in combat”

Combat… without me she could die… I had to get there…

But first…
I had to…
rest…

“Oh no you don’t!” Maria shook me violently. “I’m not about to be stuck in the middle of nowhere without someone to watch my back!” I nodded.

“Where are the others?” I asked coughing.

“No clue… but we better get a move on, we don’t want to meet the local forces anytime soon” I nodded and stood up, regaining my awareness. A fall like that could have killed me, guess those white coats weren’t lying when they said we could do unimaginable things. In a way I was happy, and that also meant that Sasha could still and to be alive. And I was going to find her… I had to find her, I made a promise.

Maria moved out of the wreckage. She pointed to a barn. I nodded, grabbing the only intact weapon I could find… a Berretta 92’.

In here

I followed her into the barn, gun drawn… not because I thought I would find any resistance, nut more or less because I was scared to be in wide open spaces without my commander. I wonder what happened to him anyway, guess gravity stopped him dead.

Then I came to a realization…. I should have been dead. My body would have imploded if I took one step in the wrong direction… that only causes me to believe that my Nano-Genes must have somehow become numb, and from the fall I must have somehow weakened my systems… I could escape, and the rest of us could too!

Don’t even think about it… Maria said to me, not taking her eyes off of the upcoming patches of hay. I frowned.

I tried one more time to reach out to Sasha.

We’re coming… just wait for us… just wait for me. If she could hear me… and for whatever reason can’t respond… I hope that she knows that I’m on my way, and that I’ll never let them hurt her.

“You know Shay… did I ever tell you how brave you are?” Maria asked out of the blue.

“No… I can’t say that you have”

“Well I want you to know it… you’re the bravest one among us… and I’ll have you know that if we die… it’s been a pleasure training with you” She saluted.

“Same here” I smiled and did the same.

Maria? Shalor? Is that you? I heard a familiar voice call.

Yes! Tina, are you with the others? Maria asked.

No… it’s just me… I’m not sure I’m healing right… I’m still bleeding

Where are you? I asked in urgency.

Near some sort of wreckage… I don’t think I feel too good… I’m starting to black out again.

No! We’ll be there pronto, just wait. Don’t you die on us! Maria said before bolting out the door. I almost forgot about our speed capabilities.
I followed out, the rain still pouring, but harder now than it had been. I felt the rush of the cold air threw my wet uniform, seeing my breath as I ran by the field. Maria was well ahead of me… I could tell she was using Tina’s signal to find out where she was.

I began to feel tired… which was also strange… because I never got tired from running. I must really be disabled from that fall I took.

I saw the flames at a distance, and then noticed just how deep we were in enemy territory. The cannons that shot us down where only about a quarter of a mile away and that meant that the infantry was only but 2-3 hours away.

We have to move faster She said. I nodded. I picked up my stamina and ran beside her.

Infantry spotted. She informed me

Roger that. I responded.

They were right next to us, walking by with 20 or so soldiers. They were very advanced… I’ll give them that.

I can’t believe we are fighting a war we were never involved in I commented.

She smiled Well life isn’t exactly for the ones who start it, but more or less, the people caught in the middle.

The rain started to let up, and the surrounding enemies’ had started their departure.

Remember not to kill anyone unless it’s necessary, our first objective is to regroup. I told her.

“Gotcha’” She said aloud.

We ran toward the next tree fixture.

“Tina! Are you okay?” Maria ran to her.

She coughed up blood, the sound of the splat almost made me barf.

Tina just smiled. “I’m fine… my healing process is just jammed or something” She paused. “I managed to pick up Sasha’s signal… she is okay, and told me that she heard the messages you sent to her… but she couldn’t send you any back… her telepathy is destroyed”

“That’s good, very good. I’m guessing no word from Normandy or Steven?”

“Nun” She said, still sitting down on the tree branch.

“Maria… I need you to look after her and get her to the evacuation point… I’ll meet you there when I’ve recovered Sasha. I’m not about to lose my sister” They nodded. “Send word if you hear from Normandy or Steven… I need to know everyone’s okay, and make sure no one is badly jammed”

“Good luck Shalor”

Same to you.

I ran out the forest fixture and back onto the road and toward the barn.





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