OPERATION TUPACALYPSE: THE BOOK OF ELI
BY SYNTHETIC CARPCUP AND TARVEN PEXLORER
---------------------CHAPTER 1: A SUDDEN VISIT
Eli sighed. Shit was getting dull.
He set down his custom airsoft deagle reluctantly. Its tactical grip tape around the handle made keeping consistent tactical stability no issue, and the tactical notches along the top not only added to the overall balance of the piece but also improved its aerodynamics immensely. Hooked up to the side was a device of Eli's own design, which measured the Bernoulli Effect and emitted a tracer light for extra accuracy and better visibility when sniping at tangos. Even when he was in a bad mood, putting down such a tactical masterwork was a hard thing to do.
None of that was important now, though. Eli walked from his tactical shooting range to his backyard and flopped into his tactical hammock. "Shiiiiiiiit, maaaaaaaan," he groaned to nothing in particular. "What happened to the cooool times, you know? Hehaaaaa, back when we, like, took out the tangos and stuff, you know? Chaaaaaah, that was like, really sick, you know…"
"YOU WANNA TAKE OUT TANGOS?!?!"
Eli's natural-born instincts kicked in and he was out of the hammock with his Nerf battle knife ready before the voice had finished shouting.
Commander Jace Connors stared back at him from the fence.
Eli was out of his combat stance and into a salute in an instant. "Commander, like that's cool man!" he barked. "Like, I just didn't know, you know, like who that like waaaaas, you know man?"
The Commander parkoured the fence like a wolf parkoured a tree trunk while pouncing upon its prey. His grace and speed in even the simplest of tactical parkour techniques were an inspiration to everyone in the nation. That wasn't important now, though. He obviously had something on his mind.
"Okay, like that's fine, Eli, alright. Listen, okay, there's not much time but I need your help okay, the ghosts are fucking everywhere and we gotta be fast." the future past present Marine said.
"Uhhhhh, sure dude. Should we like, go in like side or something for this, like…."
The Commander closed the difference with wolf-like speed. "No need soldier, there's no time, okay," he said, pulling down his shirt neck some to reveal a set of tactical tinfoil gear underneath. "This'll stop any enemies from getting in, okay? But we gotta hurry up and like get tactical and brief, and shit, okay?"
"Uhhhhh okay, like…like what's up, you know?"
"Oh, okay just the usual, you know, like YOU'RE GONNA GO SAVE TUPAC, OKAY!!"
Eli gasped as Jace pressed a folder into his hands. "Yoooooo, dude you don't mean--? Duuuuude, it's like tiiiime for that shit?" he exclaimed.
Jace was already parkouring back over the fence. "Just read it, okay?! And like, don't fucking tell anyone okay! I'll like call you and shit, alright, so just study and know, okay, like okay, like you're gonna fucking be doing like the Nation's like God-work, okay! OKAY!!" The proud Commander took off down the street. "STUDY IT OKAY, STUDY IT, OKAAAAAY, FUCKING STUDY IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!"
Eli watched the proud wolf of a man go about his duties, then looked down at the tactical paper holder with custom graphics that he now held. "Operation Tupacalypse," He read from the cover. His heart skipped a beat as he truly digested what had just occurred. Operation Tupacalypse. It really was time.
Eli ran back inside his house to start packing. Things were looking up, real quick.