My fluttering heartbeat is beginning to fade and my breaths are harder to take
My heart is wavering, my vision blurring, and my strength is ebbing away
I should have realized that coming here put more than my own life at stake
I wish I could tell you everything, Katherine, I wish that I could say
This war has changed me; I'm neither the man you loved nor the man you knew
I've seen things that should never be seen, done things no man should do
I wonder if you would have been able to love me, a murderer who slew
Innocent people, even a soon to be mother, Katherine, just like you.
I've burned down villages while people screamed; the people we trapped inside
I shot a man at point blank range while his family watched and cried
I held my best friend, hit with shrapnel, and said that he would be fine
I wept and screamed, cursing the world, as I watched my comrade die.
My heart is breaking, Katherine, because I know that this is the end
I won't be home to see the birth of our sweet daughter Evelynn
I'll never be able to see your smile or your beautiful green eyes again
Because I was a pawn that was sacrificed for war that no one can win.
I wish I could say that I'm proud to die for my country, far away from home,
But that would be a lie, Katherine; I don't want to die alone.
I'm scared of the darkness that is closing in, dragging me into the unknown
Will I really be just another name soon to be carved into polished stone?
A fellow soldier falls next to me and begins to press on my wound where blood is slowly seeping
Out. Through the red haze I see that the blue eyed soldier is weeping
His name was John but we called him Kid because he often cried while sleeping
Kid's distant voice reaches me, saying I will be fine, but I know what he's thinking
He knows I won't make it but even so he calls for a medic, trying to defy fate.
I want to tell him to be strong and live on because for me it's already too late
I want him to stay the way he is, a boy who has yet to be consumed by hate
But his eyes show that boy is now dead, and in it is place a monster I never meant to create.
Forgive me for leaving, continue to live for us both, and for our precious baby
Tell her that Daddy loved her and now he's with the angels flying free
All that I ask is to remember me, Katherine, as the man I used to be
Not as the murderer, the monster, the demon that war has made out of me.