Glory Day

Random First Lines: How Does It Feel I'm not afraid of anythingI just need to know that i can breatheI don't need much of... : Fantasy » Read

Poem By: Vaughan Jackson
War and Military

Tags: poetry, war, peace, pain, blood, glory, gory

I don't do poetry. I don't even comment on it, and yet...

I was busy with one of lifes mysteries today when for some odd reasons I was transported to the trenchs of some godforsaken war, so I ran down stairs to pen and paper and the following poem is the result.

Feel free to critique the piece. I know I am not good at this kind of thing, I have other poems that prove it!

The really odd thing about this one is that I only ever do them when depressed, and yet I am happy in the main right now.

Ahwell, enjoy... Or not :)

By the way, I have no idea if the 57th Battalion was real at any point in history, if it was and you take offence at my lack of ability I can but offer my humble apologies. View table of contents...

Submitted: Aug 13, 2008 Reads: 44 Comments: 5 Likes: 2

Acrid smoke of devils plumes across the field of battle looms.

Standing low amidst the trench, the 57^th Battalion wrench.

Tense and ready at command, surveying eyes sway the land.

Guns and bayonets close to hand.

A final yell to which they charge, hurtling fury through hell and glory.

Men and blood mix sweat with gory.

One by side each man does drop lastly rested upon the top.

Silence follows then raise a cheer, that’s three feet gained in under year.

Count them now fifty seven to the last, holding his banner standing fast.

58^th shall come and burn, before the world of soldiers torn.

To see one day a land of peace, amidst this sea of blood and grease.

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Comments:

mrman

I thought it was pretty good. I'm not really sure how to comment on a poem, to me, as long as it rhymes it's good. I liked the dark mood of the story and the anti-war theme. The line "that's three feet gained in under a year" is awesome. Good job :)

Posted: Aug 20, 2008

Author Comment:

Must admit I loved that line too, and thank you :)

Poetry isn't something I will attempt often but at least I know it didn't make everyone gringe :)

I have the same problems with poems when it comes to commenting on them. Some I 'get' some I think are too personal and I always get a little nervous commenting on them.

Alek92

I must agree that the best line is "Three feet gained over the year" is the best. You did good.

Posted: Aug 21, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks man. I like your poetry so appreciate the comment.

Tirym

I liked it...
make me wants to start caring about rhymes and rhythm again.

Posted: Aug 22, 2008

Author Comment:

I have to admit that most poetry I have written never rhymes. I am not even a fan of that style, yet it is nice to manage one still.

ReganFinch

Vaughan, I have read a lot of poems in my life (I have shelves full hehe) but not many have made my jaw drop quite like this. I really can't explain how potent it is. The first line just caught me and wouldn't let me go...I'm speechless! Vaughan, you are one of the *very* few who truly have an ounce of talent. I really look forward to more! Take care, Regan

Posted: Aug 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks Regan, still not so keen on doing poetry though despite all the nice comments here. As the winter sets in here in Norway I shall attempt much more and hope I can keep the praise rolling:)

jalvarado2008

Fine and vivid imagery with amazing detail to historical accuracy... I must admit you are making a fan out of me. Well done, this particular period is intriguing to study. Often read stories of a single mile of land or two miles that tens of thousands died for over the course of the entire war... sad. Will read more friend ;)

Posted: Oct 27, 2008