A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away (and some might say it's even further away than that but nobody knows. All I'm saying is you have no satnav to get to wherever this place is - I mean, what do you expect? When was the last time you saw a green three foot Jedi who speaks backwards? So if I were you I'd just nod along to everything that happens from here on out and accept that it's all based on the truth.)
Jar Jar Binks was having a rough time of it. For some time he had served as a delegate of the Galactic Senate and offered emergency powers to Emperor Palpatine. In hindsight this hadn't turned out too well. Soon after the emperor had overthrown the Senate and brought the galaxy under his dictatorial control. Jar Jar carried on for some time in politics but lost much of his support - leaving most to agree with Qui Gon Jin's original statement that he was brainless.
Since then, Jar Jar had lost all of his pension, his wife and reputation. He had been left to live on a council estate in the middle of Naboo and had become a raging alcoholic. In fact, Jar Jar was known around these parts as the 'wild, drunken sailor' and very few even knew about his history. Some said that they had seen him long ago with a Jedi and Anakin Skywalker, but Jar Jar had vehemently denied these claims and simply said 'mesa Jar Jar Binks!' to try and get them off his back. Most of the time he spent his days in the Wild West bar in the outskirts of town getting wasted.
Occasionally when he was sober Jar Jar worried about making an income. Sometimes he did hard labour and had attempted, without success, to survive as a comic who did Gungan impressions. He had long been kicked out of his own homeland and had to live in the human part of the world - quickly adopting their habits. He had been heckled, kicked off stage and humiliated so much that Jar Jar had almost given up on life. It wasn't long before he became a regular of the 'Black Sparrow Inn' which mainly attracted the unemployed, Z-list celebrities and the odd serial killer.
There was nothing special about tonight as Jar Jar sat on his usual stool and ordered a strong glass of the finest whiskey. By 'finest' he meant the cheapest they could offer him as he knew that sooner or later, he would have to return to work. His prime years were now long behind him and he had grown a long, white beard, with nose hair hanging like vines out of his nostrils. This had surprised him at the time, especially as Jar Jar was completely CGI and did not have an ounce of genetics in him, but he quickly brushed it outside after coming to the conclusion that absolutely anything can happen after what Anakin Skywalker did. He couldn't believe that little Annie had turned into the most terrifying Sith of all time.
Funny, isn't it, how life can change in the blink of an eye. So funny, in fact, that Jar Jar ordered a pack of pork scratching just so he could feel sorrier for himself.
He would sometimes make conversation with the barman but the gold-plated droid did not seem to want to talk. This time Jar Jar made a special effort to try and get some conversation.
"Ex-queese-me, but I would like to spake to you!" Jar Jar said. The droid looked up in his direction for a moment and shook his head, clearly irritated by the disturbance. Just another retard, he thought. Here he was, fluent in over six million forms of communication and he was being forced to talk to some Gungan junkie. "Heyo-dales, can you hear meeh?!"
"I can hear you just fine," the gold droid said with a whine in his voice. "What can I do for you?"
"My no know. What'sa ya name? Mesa Jar Jar Binks!"
The droid stared at him through his narrow eyes and sent hate signals out from every part of his circuits. Finally, he conceded. "I am C3PO, designed to serve all human beings and local drunks. If I may venture an opinion, I do feel you are quite a drinker."
They communicated in this manner for some time and Jar Jar quickly grated on C3PO. He had thanked his lucky stars that he did not suffer with blood pressure as he most surely would've done if he was human. It seemed that no matter how many monosyllables he gave the annoying creature there was no getting away from a conversation. The gungan just talked and talked, without showing any sign of stopping. Unfortunately for C3PO, there were no other customers to serve and no work to be getting on with. It was almost like the old days with that blasted robot, R2DT.
He had not forgotten that swine who had later on become president after Darth Vader's defeat. C3PO, the most intelligent of all the droids, had been left to hung out and dry while his associate became the most powerful piece of machinery in the entire galaxy. Luke had given him some rubbish excuse like R2D2 was just that much more popular and everyone 'loved' the beeping noise he made, which C3PO found enormously insulting. He could speak impeccable English, for Christ sake, and was for a time worshipped as a god by Ewoks, but apparently that wasn't enough for Mr Skywalker. Who needs them anyway, C3PO thought.
Eventually it hit C3PO that he had met this dreadful creature a long time ago on the planet tatooine. He was much more of a wreck and had aged considerably but it was without a doubt the same gungan who Anakin had befriended all those years ago. He had forgotten the name Jar Jar (who wouldn't want to?) and was reminded of him through the more ancient parts of his memory. Good heavens, C3PO thought, after realising that things simply couldn't get any worse.