The man from Down Under, I remember him clear
How he stared me down without any fear
I stood my ground but still he came on
I planted my feet, I would not run
No warning, he rushed me, his whip in hand
Who the hell was this? I'd never seen such a man
I flattened my ears, determined to fight
He snapped his whip, and my ass it did bite
Away I lunged, cursing death in his sleep
But he just kept coming, moving my feet
I turned my ass to him, my eyes seeing red
Thrust out my feet and kicked at his head
“Look at me!” He ordered as my mind reeled
“Two eyes!” He demanded. “Not two heels!”
“Think! Don't react!” Was his lesson to teach
I wanted to bite him but couldn't get within reach
He put on the pressure, refused to back down
Chased me relentlessly, round and round
On a whim I decided to challenge my foe
Away he sent me, my ass again sore
It didn't take long to get through my head
This cracked out cowboy meant what he said
I was getting nowhere with this man from down under
Everything I tried, he split asunder
A new plan was in order, I began to surmise
As I stopped, chest heaving, and met his eyes
“That's better.” He said but what did that mean?
Who was he talking to? Surely not me
He hadn't caught me, no rope on my neck
Why was he smiling? What the heck?
“Now you're thinking.” He praised me with pride
Had this crack head finally come down from his high?
He turned his back to me, was he truly insane?
I had made grown men wail and cry out in pain
Out of his circle, vulnerable and exposed
Surely I could stomp him, game over, case closed
Ears and eyes forward, I studied his back
To rush him would mean that I was on crack
He was walking away as my mind shifted gears
I could run, jump the fence, once again be free
But my heart grew calm, I no longer saw red
All of the sudden he didn't seem so bad
The cowboy was going, I didn't want him to leave
I began to trot towards him. Don't go without me.
What was I thinking? Why on earth did I care?
Because of this man, my ass had lost hair
I could still feel the sting of hard lessons learned
Then it hit me - I was thinking on my own
How did he do it? It baffled my head.
As if reading my thoughts, turning he said
It's really quite as simple as A-B-C
Make the wrong thing difficult, the right thing easy
I'm not sure I get it, but he says I will
I make things hard, but he believes in me still
He doesn't coddle or work with kid gloves
But I wouldn't know respect without tough love
Some think he's too rough, a real son of a gun
But he did what he had to – to get the job done
Others might judge him as demanding and crass
But he changed my life - so they can kiss my ass.
His Down Under method is the best thing for me
Did I really once wish he die in his sleep?
He knows what he's doing and he does it well
I happen to think this Aussie is swell
Some may not like him, but I think he's great
This man from Down Under who now calls me 'Mate'.