I’m a woman who has experienced a lot of damage in her life, just writing pretty much to fix aspects of myself. Sometimes when we reflect, we can find where things come from and in turn fix those aspects of self.  

I’m extremely strong because of all I’ve experienced, but there are some aspects in my life, such as how I choose the wrong kind of men, that I’d like to fix.  So, in order to fix that choosing mechanism within myself, I’m reflecting and sharing my story with you along the way. In the process, I’m learning about myself.

I have looked at myself quite a bit in my life, but never like this. It’s good for me I believe and it’s already helped. I’ve learned a few things.  I have a part of myself that is self- degrading.  When others do something for me, I always feel there is a catch. I feel guilty buying anything new for myself.  I once dated someone that wanted to take me shopping, he wanted to spoil me, but instead I got angry at him.  When someone shows genuine love, the healthy sort, I run. Instead, I always went to what I knew, abusive individuals, either emotionally or physically. While writing part five, I learned why.  Now that I know where it comes from, maybe I can fix that.

This is not my best writing, because it’s not meant to be a novel really.  I never plan on publishing this. It’s just a way for me to look at myself. In life it’s always been easier for me to do so through writing, rather than speech.

We’ve only got one life to live and I’d rather spend the rest of mine not repeating the same mistakes over and over.  I am a really good person and I’d like to have in life what I really deserve, but I’ve got to learn how to accept those things.