I am full of it all. Hopes, dreams, ambition, and questions. There is so much in the world. So much concepts to grasp, to fully understand. And then theres the things we just will NEVER understand. Will we truly never understand it? Back in the day, we didn't know half the things we know now. But is there truly things in life we will just NEVER know. Like why do bad things happen to good people.
When we create quotes such as, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" Do we make these quotes up to believe in the magic in the world. To keep the hope there. To give us a reason that bad things happen to good people. The security of semi-knowing or reasoning behind it all.
I had a talk with some of my amazing high school best girl friends. We talked about pretty much anything you can think of. Sex sex and more sex, friendships, relationships, school, work, and well growing up and just life.
there has been moments in my life that made me question my morals. We've all had them I'm sure. And if not.. then I guess it's just me. A few weeks ago, I lost a really good friend. No he didn't pass away, but we got into some sort of argument. words were definitely exchanged. He said some things that made me step back and take a look at myself and the direction I was going in life. The worst part about the whole thing is I confronted him because I felt like he was looking at me in a different light and I those were never my intentions. I then told my high school girls all the words that were exchanged in this fight. And it hit me.
I don't have family out here. I don't have that support system most people have. My friends are my support system. People I've met, are my support system. And it is true. I do ask my friends for things, for help, for guidance. But they do NOT have to do things for me in order for me to hang out with them. And I do appreciate everything everyones done for me. I always thought I showed my appreciation. I've always looked at life being thankful for those around me. I know what it's like to work just to live. A support system helps you, but doesn't do the job for you. Just like you can't make someone change, they have to change for themselves. Well I am were I am, because of the CHOICES I've made. I work almost EVERY SINGLE DAY to live. Sometimes I trip, ok A LOT OF TIMES I TRIP (literally) ;-) and sometimes I get up all by myself, and sometimes I have my support system to help me up. I shouldn't feel any less independent for that. BUT if i don't stress how thankful I am enough, than I really am sorry, BUT I PROMISE ON EVERYTHING I LOVE (ive only said this twice in my life) that I am TRULY GRATEFUL to have everyone I do in my life. Including the ones that hurt me.
friends drift apart. It's the way life goes sometimes. It may not be on purpose.. but it happens. The world keeps turning, people keep moving, it just doesn't stop. No matter who comes in n out of your life, what matters the most is leaving footprints in their heart. Just because we drifted apart, doesn't mean we're not LOYAL friends anymore. We were in each others lives for a reason, to make that difference. To create memories that will never be forgotten.
When bad things happen to me, I tend to blank out those memories. so I forget things, good and bad. But I will NEVER FORGET the impact each person has done in my life.
back to topic
A lot of my friends have degree's and what not.. and what am I still doing? And then one of my bestest friends from highschool told me
"you're falling into what society is telling you where you should be at in life" everyone is different. Following your heart, to find your career.. to find yourself in the huge world. It's the journey, NOT the destination. I'm 23 and I want to dance on a professional team example.. laker girls, chargers girl, celtics girl.. SOMETHING. but im 23 YEARS OLD!! do I give that up just because society says I should of already found the love of my life, my career, and have kids and be married? Or do I find my own pathway and just try and make the right decisions.
MAKING THE RIGHT DECISIONS.
ohhh making the right decisions -___- the ONE reason why I'd ever look for a relationship, is so I wouldn't have to worry about other guys. I wouldn't have to worry about anyones intentions because once I'm in a relationship, any guys opinions or intentions just wouldn't matter. but when I'm single, decisions have to be made. Maybe they weren't the right ones, but decisions were still made. To tell the difference between a guy that genuinely wants your friendship, and the ones to tell you everything and anything to get into your pants. My dumb self sees the good in everyone. Gives people chances. Don't get me wrong. There are only a couple of guys that have ACTUALLY HURT ME. the other guys that have "done me dirty" I was never sad about them. I was sad that because no matter how many times I get hurt by a guy.. I still, somewhere DEEEEEEP DEEP DOWN INSIDE.. believe I'll find THE ONE. As much as I don't believe in true love, and how I don't believe I will ever experience it, theres still that tiny thing inside me HOPING some guy will prove me wrong. BUT definitely in NOOOOO rush. I have way too much expectations to even find that guy right now.
I guess i'll just end it here.. because the topic of this blog is drifting away from its purpose
do I want to reread this novel for errors.. NEEEH so deal with it.