I've been dying to blog in here for THEE longest.. so much has been going on in my life its crazy.
few topics i hope to cover.
1.death 2.signs 3.double standards 4.venting 5.sex 6.life 7.love
probably not in this order. but hey thats life.
So I tend to vent on FB all the time. I post things to get feedback. I don't know why but I like my life being public. I like my life out in the open. does that mean I like attention?
sometimes we don't see things.. is it because were not ready to see things, or we let our past keep us from seeing things in the future.
double standards. THE ONE thing i cannot stand! and i ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS try my hardest not to ever do. in relationships, in friendships, at work, in life . if its okay for me to do it. its okay for others.. and even if its okay for others and not okay for me.. why judge them, they are not living my life. so why try and control theirs when i have my own life to control. as long as its not hurting anyone.. i don't see why they shouldn't be able to do it.
SEX. oh sex. casual sex. Yes friends with benefits is literally my favorite romantic comedy of all times, but FWB gets so difficult. I had my "justin timberlake" once. the connection was AMAZING. the conversation the sex everything was just amazing. we both knew where we stood. we both cared about one another but to a certain extent. Then i got a little tired. the easier it got to find sex, the harder it was to find love. BUT IS LOVE WHAT IM LOOKING FOR? i don't believe in soul mates. i think any two people can fall in love with each other but its the capability and the timing that will keep them together. SO was my "justin timberlake" love ? he's definitely a guy that i would love in my life. personality ambition big hearted and his head is on straight and oh yea hot haha but whats the perfect guy if it isn't the perfect time. and the more n more i think about my "justin" i start drifting away from the thought of anything more. and i was just so content with what i was doing, now i just don't want to do it anymore. i just want a something a little different i guess, some adventure in my life with that department, and i don't mean trying new toys lol. BUT because I've been done with my justin for so long, does that mean i want something real. does that mean I'm looking for love? I've had such a guy mentality through out this FWB that it started to fuck with my head
on another note. theres this guy I've ALWAYS had something for. there was ALWAYS something there.. but i guess not enough for me to do anything about. i missed all the signs. i misread everything. and thats life. were all not mind readers. but how are u suppose to distinguish the difference on if he's real. another thing is. so much has happened lately that i wonder if i care about him a lot more NOW because of what we just went through or if i always felt this way before. my best friend also brought it up saying maybe you feel this way because you hurt him , not intentionally, but you did. and i keep thinking to myself. what is going on with me. i shouldn't be analyzing this. i should just live my life, and whatever happens happens. but being a girl doesn't help much. girls over analyze everything. and right now in my life. thats exactly what I'm doing -__-
life right now is TOO crazy. moving to new york in about 6-7 months. trying to get into dance full time next month. working two jobs with CRAZY hours. and trying to squeeze in fun times with my friends EVERY chance i get. life is too crazy to want a bf. but at the same time, maybe some woman aren't meant to be tamed. maybe their suppose to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with them. ALL i do know.. is the next person I'm with, i just need to make sure they make me a better person. and not pull me away from life. back to the subject LIFE. with life there is DEATH.
death is such a difficult subject. so i just want to leave it as, cherish EVERYONE around you. try not to sweat the little stuff. apologize sometimes even if you think your right. because some things in life aren't worth the battle. because when their/your gone you don't want it to be the last thing they/ you remember. life is too short to stay bitter
urghh friday i think it was i had A LOT TO BLOG about but no time and now that i finally have the time, i can't even think about what i wanted to talk about.
so I'm just going to end it here right now, with a bunch of unsolved questions and answers that have nothing to do with the questions.
until next time =]