Mirrors, I stare at the grey eyes, dull face staring back at me and watch tears form in the corner of the eyes. I am broken, even I have noticed how broken I really am. I go over to the scale, I read 128 and automatically, I feel disgusted with myself. I go over to the toilet and reluctantly shove my fingers down my throat for the first time. All I think about while i feel my dinner resurfacing is how gross it is and how I plead myself to stop but I can't. And I haven't been able to ever since.
When you think of a mask, automatically, you think of a monster or a Spiderman mask but what if a mask is something to hide your feelings. And it felt like I put one on every morning. I would get up, and eat breakfast, then i would throw up but, i would go on like nothing happened. I would go to school; laugh and have fun with my friends. I never told anyone anything about how I realty felt because i could never bring myself to do it. I was happy for the most part but, someday I would snap a bit more.
For example a day like today. I went to school and did my thing but my day kept getting continuously worse, my friends were being bitches, at candy striping I was left out in the group of girls and my mom was being a bitch. I thought I had been doing pretty well with my bulimia because in the past month I lost 8 pounds but today i would look in the mirror and all i would see would be fat. I went home and cried and seriously thought life might be easier if I just went to sleep and never woke up. But I would never go out that easy who gives a fuck if I feel fat sometimes, most girls my age do why should I take the easy way out? I thought to myself, and i was right. I looked at the gray eyes and the dull face through the horribly invention called the mirror and smiled; hiding the fact that I wanted to die,
Whoever invented the mirror obviously wasn't thinking of the further generations, because if he was he wouldn't have invented it because it ruins so many people's lives. For example a 4 year old girl looks in the mirror and doesn't care about what looks back but, when a 14 year old girl looks in the mirror all she wants to see is a flawless Barbie and she will do anything she can do make it happen. If we never had mirrors we would care about what we look like or if our skin is completely flawless. They make us, ruin us. Especially this day and age we all dress with less clothes as possible and the most amount of fakeness as we can.
No one notices how broken humanity is. We have god damn competitions for girls to compete on whom is the pretties and can walk best. That is complete bullshit especially the mothers who put their small children with no say in the competitions. It is practically child abuse because they are saying that beauty comes first and to hid who you really are. IT IS COMPLETE FUCKING BULLSHIT. Who cares how long your eyelashes are or how tanned you are or how white your teeth are because covering it up with fake shit doesn't make you, you. Your short eyelashes, your mole, the flabs on the inside of your legs and the red tint in your skin is what makes you, you.
In particular its high school that ruins you, it tears down your individuality and converts you into thinking and acting like everybody else. And the popular kids, what makes them more important than you, because they are pretty and confident. Well to me they are ugly because all they want to be is pretty and the center of attention and they will tear down anyone to get there. You know who is beautiful? You are. But what is the definition of beautiful or pretty. I think it's beautiful that everybody is different and thinks in their own way. Just don't forget that. Don't forget you are what god made you, you are beautiful and have purpose, even if I sound super cheesy, it is true. And ugly and pretty are just words they aren't life.
I give you a few dares. I dare you to cover up all of your mirrors and to be you. I dare you to forget about everything bad and do something you enjoy. I dare you to walk in the middle of the hall way and smile at everyone who makes eye contact with you. I dare you to make your own definition for pretty or beautiful. I dare you to not take the easy way out.