You definitely have struck a nerve inside me.

My oldest daughter was molested when she was 6 years old by a man I was "dating". It literally happened under my damn nose. It happened for a few months before her grades dropped and her personality started to change.
Today, this man is dead. I found out that he committed suicide. My child was under psychiatric care for two years. I, too, was under psychiatric care.
Why does this happen??
Most molesters were also molested by someone they knew. For them, it's the norm. For them, they know it's wrong, but can't seem to help themselves.

It makes me feel sick, absolutely SICK, to think of this happening to any child. To MY BABY. And it still happens, every day, to some sweet child. How do we fight this? I don't f**ing know.

What I do know is that it's very hard to move on and trust again.

When I have a clear head in the morning, I'll probably read through this again. And respond again without anger and fear raging through me.

MA

Posted: May 20, 2008

It happened a lot. We try to find ways to prevent it, but somehow it still happen. Even if it was not a stranger, it could be anyone in the house. Young children can barely understand the situation even if we remind them not to walk alone all the time or be careful with strangers.

Parents, teachers, and the society should cooperate in handling this problem. They should be aware if any sexual abuse is taking place whether at the school, in the neighborhood, and in the house. Children should know about it too. They should learn about it even in their young age so they would learn how to be careful.

Any children who had been victims of molestation should be encouraged to talk about it. And somehow, get their life back. This will need a lot of help but never give up hope.

Posted: May 20, 2008

very interesting and thought provoking. im very disappointed this still happens, and we must find a way of stopping it!

Posted: May 20, 2008

So difficult to prevent when the perpetrators are often those that the child has the right to trust. (as hard as that is for some of us to contemplate) I will think more on this, thanks for raising a touchy topic for discussion.

Posted: May 21, 2008

Children are none other than God,
those who treat them this very bad,
raise in me a question "are they mad?"
and pound in my heart with a brad!

:( Those beasts are to be hunted down!

Good topic Pratibha! We got to fight against it with our words.

Posted: May 21, 2008

this is a good topic i wwas sexually abuse until was 13 . it is hard to get over with. but with the love of friends and family u can get over it

Posted: May 21, 2008

This is an important theme, and There are no easy solutions to this.
I don't we can prevent it from happening, but we should be better to discover it, and do something. We can all play a part in this, as the other perent, as friends and relatives, as neighbours, to report this kind of action when we see the symptoms.
It's easy too think that this is not my business, but it is.
The health workers can do a better job, and teachers should be better at detecting that there is something abnormal in the childs behaviour.

So in my opinion there is a lot of factors that could each play a part in stopping the abuse. We have to care more about the victims and have less foucus on the "rights" of the abuser.

Posted: May 21, 2008

Very moving.....................

This is a topic which is painful for me for many reasons. I agree that the parents SHOULD be the ones protecting the child but what happens when the abuser is a parent especially the mother who should be doing everything and anything in her power to protect the child.

There is then no one to turn to.......

Child abuse is inexcusable and unforgivable. The word "Sorry" does not even begin to apologise for it. I know we are told that God forgives a persons sin should they be truly penetant but I think even God would draw the line at child abuse.

I do apreciate your sentiment it is very laudable and the mother should be the one set up ready to shout "enough" but sadly in this world it is all too often not the case.

It is only recently that I have even begun to deal with what happened to me. I have a forever friend who listens to me and comforts me when the memories become too much.

The tragic thing is that it wasnt dealt with when it happened and I am trying to deal with this as an adult instead of having an innocent childhood which was happy and normal.

Child abuse should stop no excuses.

Peace

Boneman

Posted: May 21, 2008

IT's such a sad thing. This happens all the time, but most of the time, they're too scared to say anything. It's a big problem and no one wants to uproot their lives and the people around them to find the culprit. But they SHOULD!!

My cousin was sexually abused by my uncle right before my eyes and I've never been able to forget it. IT's been eight years and I still can not allow anyone to touch me for fear of what happened.

What a provoking thought.

~Kaori

Posted: May 21, 2008

I like how you said that parents shouldn't take things as part of "growing up". Many of them do and as a result their kids are left in their misery. Parents should pay good attention to how their kids because you can usually tell when something tragic, sad, or just plain wrong happened to their child. sometimes its not the parents fault for not paying attention (cause they have work & stuff, but others have no excuse and should be ASHAMED of themselves...
...Anyhow it was a good article and I look forward to reading more of your stuff:D

Posted: May 21, 2008

Hmmm... this is a problem indeed. It's true being a child is not easy, and maybe there isn't a way to eliminate the problem, but I think the best any parent can do is be open with their child and talk to them just so that the child knows he/she has a parent they can talk to for anything. If we give them our attention and comprehension, we would be able to identify any problems much quicker than we would if both the parent and child keeps quiet. I know I'm not a parent, and not quite a child, but I do have younger siblings in the child range and it seems to me that children don't communicate with the parent as much anymore. I think Conversation is our best ally and if we stick to it, it would be much better. I can assure you that I have thought about this before and I will definetely be discussing it in my future ( I am planning to major in psychiatry after highschool afterall) :)

Posted: May 21, 2008

I can never understand how a parent could do this to their child. It's just despicable. I have a neighbor who said that a man she was dating also tried to do this to her son but she caught it in time and whooped his ass. If there was one crime that I think should get an eye for an eye or publicly stoned, it would be this one!

Posted: May 21, 2008

Great topic! I think this goes back to the theory that it takes a village to raise a child. Everyone should be on the look out for suspicious behavior in the children they know. Parents, teachers, family friends should all encourage open dialogue with children so that they feel like they can speak up to the adults in their lives. Children should be taught from as soon as they can speak that their body is theirs and under no circumstances do they have to allow anyone to touch them if they feel uncomfortable.

And predators should be dealt with harshly. People that go over seas to molest children in other countries should be held to a higher standard and be made to pay for their crimes.

Many of us have dealt with our own abuse. I believe whole heartedly that we need to put up a barrier and not let the abuse pass on to future generations as is often the case.

I could go on and on, but I hate to take up your space. :) Thank you for bring up such a thought provoking subject.

Posted: May 21, 2008

Okay, I've calmed down a bit. I'm still seething, and I think I will always will be, but I have a clear head now.

Most commonly, the predators are men. But, keep in mind that women can be just as likely to be molestators as well. Someone above even mentioned that it's usually someone the child knows and feels that they were supposed to be able to trust.
Many people above have mentioned also this: We are all a part of keeping an eye out for our children. Parents, teachers, friends, doctors....

It is a very sad thing.
People who do this to children have been molested as small children, too. So, once upon a time, these perpetrators were victims. That's the sad part.

My question is this:
Will our children, who have been victims, become like their molesters? Will our children become the monsters?
Even more food for thought.
MA

Posted: May 21, 2008

I started writing my memoirs "Whispers Out Loud" as a way to right a wrong in my life. In my case my dad was the predator living right under the same roof that he spent quality time making us feel safe to reside under. I’m going out on a limb here and say my mother was living in a dream world; although she was the type of mother who would lay down her life for her children, she never had an idea what was going on. I couldn’t turn to her because of the fear I had for her as well. I feared what she would do if she found out. He planted this thought in my head day one. I can't express how much fear plays in a child's life, be it male or female. From 5 to 17, I had to deal with different measures of fear and sexual abuse almost on a daily basis alone. As parents we have got to learn to pay attention to our children and the signs sexual abuse, because most of the time the signs are staring us in the face.

Unusual nightmares
Excessive masturbation
Unusually aggressive behavior
Complaining of pain
Offensive odors
Evidence of physical traumas to the genital or anal area.
Beginning wetting the bed.
Experiencing a loss of appetite
Showing unusual fear of a certain place or location.
Developing frequent unexplained health problems.
Engaging in persistent sexual play with friends, toys or pets.
Having unexplained periods of panic
Regressing to behaviors too young for the stage of development they already achieved.
Initiating sophisticated sexual behaviors.
Indicating a sudden reluctance to be alone with a certain person.
Engaging in self-mutilations, such as sticking themselves with pins or cutting themselves.
Withdrawing from previously enjoyable activities, like school or school performance change.
Asking an unusual amount of questions about human sexuality.
Again, I say we need to pay ATTENTION.

Thank you Pratibha for putting this topic on front street

Posted: May 21, 2008

Pratibha, you have gathered us all in a fight for this issue.
I am most against it. The thought is even too disgusting. In the Philippines, it also happens and the common suspects are their own fathers. It's vile habit which is to be taken up in school for information by every single person in the community.

I wish all children safety
and all adults, respect for the human life and body

Thank you for bringing this up Pratibha.

Posted: May 21, 2008

This IS a serious issue. It is true that there are signs that mothers and other members of the family should be able to pick up and follow up on inorder to help the child a lot sooner.
My dad is a child abuser..thats no easy thing to say. I should say am lucky coz he has never abused me, or to my knowledge any of my other sisters, but we did have a lot of orphans living with us at different times while growing up and they all got abused at one point or another. There were times I was proud of him, getting this orphans to the city, paying their school fees and treating them equally to the way he treated his own children, which child would not be proud? But with time I grew up to see all the strings attached to this 'good samaritan nature'. My hatred went to the girls for a while, some way younger than me even now, but I try to put myself in their shoes. Here you are in a foreign city, knowing very few people besides the family you live with, here is a man who pays your school fees, does heaps of shopping for you and takes you to all the fun places, why should you say no when he calls you to his room? What if you say no and he throws you out...then wat? Some are strong enough to end up in the streets not knowing what will happen tomorrow, others think 'let me just do this till he finishes my fees then I'll leave.' There are so many situations like this all over the world. I must admit I have never viewed my dad in a very good light for the past over 15 years.....what he did(and still does) to those girls affect all the children in the family, and thats just sad.

I wish there is more that could be done to the perpetrators. But most of all, I wish more could be done to keep children away from the emotional abuse and physical abuse.

This is a nice article Pratibha.

Posted: May 21, 2008

I appreciate your efforts, Pratibha. Well written. We all should fight against this burning issue. every minute some child is being abused, somewhere in the world.

I too, was abused when I was a 8 year old kid, by one of my close relations. I was too scared and shy to talk to my mother about it. It took me a long time to recover from the feeling of 'being used for someone's perverted intentions'. My fiancee helped me a lot to forget those memories. These offenders should be punished.

Posted: May 22, 2008

my comment is three words:

one of a kind!

~yeah its 1 of a kind:)

Posted: May 22, 2008

I always love the innocence of a child as it makes me think of his being carefree. The shrill of his laughter brings music to my ears, the kindness of his heart purifies mine and the sense of his inquisitiveness makes my own thoughts wander in childishness. But his innocence, his defenselessness, is also being taken adavantage of by some ruthless individuals. It feels so sad that he's not even that safe in his own home.

I would say that open communication in the family could play a vital role to minimize, if not eliminate, such a horrible event.

Posted: May 22, 2008

You deserve a pat on your back for bringing this topic to the attention of everyone. Most of the things that needed to be said on the topic have already been said by the other commentators, so I would like to tell you something else - the perspective of someone who never had to face the shocking experience that you mention.

When I was a child, my parents were very protective towards me. Even when I was allowed to visit my friends at their homes, they always made sure that I never went when their elder brothers were at home. I was also instructed (and explained the reason why) that I should make sure that I was never alone with their fathers or other male relatives. I was told, again and again, that in case of any unwanted attention from anyone, I could feel free and discuss it with my parents any time without feeling guilty, embarrassed or ashamed.

Needless to say, being a child, I found many of those 'restrictions' quite unnecessary and I thought that my parents were just being paranoid. But now I salute their wisdom and can say proudly that they did what all parents should, and never wavered from their stand even when I tried to be rebellious or talked contemptously about their 'overprotectiveness'. Thank you mom, thank you dad, for doing what you did for me..........

Posted: May 22, 2008

a well written article discussing a subject that is still 'taboo'. how many of us were subjected to this as children and ended up thinking it was normal. and why when we did try to tell someone would they never believe us. Don't forget though mothers as well as fathers do abuse, and somehow they are worse as they are the ones who carry and are supposed to nurture their children. a real can of worms here. my support to everyone who reads this and was abused. snow

Posted: May 22, 2008

Children who are abused or neglected are more likely to become criminal offenders as adults. A National Institute of Justice study found "that childhood abuse increased the odds of future delinquency and adult criminality overall by 40 percent" (Widom, 1992). Child sexual abuse victims are also at risk of becoming ensnared in this cycle of violence. One expert estimates that forty percent of sexual abusers were sexually abused as children (Vanderbilt, 1992). In addition, victims of child sexual abuse are 27.7 times more likely to be arrested for prostitution as adults than non-victims. (Widom, 1995). Some victims become sexual abusers or prostitutes because they have a difficult time relating to others except on sexual terms.

http://www.safetycops.com/child_sex_abuse.htm


http://www.novabucks.org/info/child-sexual-abuse.htm

http://www.nycagainstrape.org/survivors_factsheet_14.html

Posted: May 22, 2008

hi! pratibha. i was reading Vee's memoir. she's the live example of child sexual abuse. make her the focal point and let her add to ur discussion. for no comment'd be better than hers. ;-)

Posted: May 23, 2008

wow, this is very nice, and very moving. Such a horrible thing, and so many children suffer. Although it is the father, i believe that the mother should probably tell too, and is just holding back because of fear of being abused by her husband. But it is all a very difficult thing, and a solution would be very hard to come by, but through time, and with education, a solution could be found.

Posted: May 23, 2008

Let me start by saying sorry this is a late reply to your post. :)

I actually work in a job where I deal with people who speak out about such experiences. I think it's important to stress anonymity in these situations, people who live in fear of their past will not speak out unless they are given support to do so.

I think it's a sad world these day's, parents can't leave their children to play in street on their own anymore, it's far to risky! I think you have to be so careful when it comes to your children, you really never know people as well as you think, sometimes it can be the nicest person ever who thinks there's nothing wrong with it.

I really could go on and on but I wont. :) Thank you for sparking some intelligent thoughts today, your posts are great and always keep everyone on the ball! ~ Nixie

Posted: May 24, 2008

Hy!Dear Sister,after long day's. I think i and Nic at the same position to give a comment on this article i know u inform me about this on my page but dear since few days i am too tired and upset that's why i didn't come to here but as u know its my own house mean to say your page "http://www.booksie.com/pratibha" on booksie as i feel and i you too accept it so atleast from the point of view other booksie guy & gult's i can deserve a bit more and i know my elder sister forgive me for this,Now I come to the point....Well in my opinion it's serious and senstive matter for every human being because each one of us spent our childhood and every child's childhood is unique in itself as i think and when someone unfortunately affected or gone through this such a bad experience,it's leave behind a big black spot on his/her's not only body but soul which he or she will remember till the last breath of his life and even after it. I feel pleasure that u have pick up this issue at booksie,as u know here people come from across the world with differ mentality too so its good for them i think by this atleast they think about it and by this may be they make a little bit senstive and pay there affection children when they will see them next time after read it .

by the i see ur poem that u post after it but still i do not read it i will soon.. Please forgive me and stay in touch by ur inspiration words that give me a new fresh breath.And how is he the little one,Royal Mom's Loyal Son,mean to say Sreyansh....?


God Bless u.
Your younger brother - VICKY.punne4e

Posted: May 25, 2008

Oooops! I forget i post a new post SE7EN's wonder,please take a look how is it i want to listen from u fairly. I read my upper comment its not post very well some words leave behind....that's not difficult for u to understand.

Posted: May 25, 2008

it doesn't matter what we do, we can save as many kids as we can, but no matter what we'll never be able to fully stop it.

Posted: May 25, 2008

Psychically, kids are innocent. The person who wants to exploit knows it unconsciously and through experience. He is terrified or shy to approach a mature women or men. The sexual energy is to be satisfied at any cost. Unconscious find its route indirectly. It leads to kids as indirect and safe heuristics. But they forgot the consequences in discharge of sexual energy. How to save kids from these neatly designed heuristics is the first question! If kids are able to save themself. I feel no! They are helpless. A simple stimulation can create a feeling in heaven to any age. This is happening between peergroups of lower age or even in adults. There is a limitation, it is where it becomes a crime.

Posted: May 26, 2008

I am an elderly English expat who lives in Cambodia.
I could not agree with you more that sex with little children is disgusting.
More disgusting is the current witch hunt of the elderly foreigners by the NGOs in Cambodia.
There are pedophiles in Cambodia.
They are 99% Cambodians and not foreigners.
(according to the NGO web sites, World Vision, Care, Save the Children etc.)
Cambodians are not a target. They have no money.
Your donations go to providing luxury accommodation and food to ignorant foreigners who use every means to entrap other foreigners, so that they will not loose their funding and hence their extravagant lifestyle
For god sake stop it.

Posted: May 27, 2008

I am agaisnt as well but how long will it be till is another alternate lifestyle...it was at one time sodomy was also looked upon as disgusting but now its the norm...it will happen as our morals keep slipping away every day...I personally think anyone who hurts any child phyiscally or sexual should have the digits they used to commit the crime be severed from their bodies then we know it will never happen again!

Posted: May 28, 2008

Child abuse- I know of nothing more vile sickly or disgusting. If i was king of the world (and i often think i should be), all those who have done it would have their dicks cut off and the their heads. It ruins children's life, and they think its normal and do it to their kids. The worst part is its not a stereotype, anyone can do it, You cant look at someone and know what they are like you can with a a pimp or something. i want everyone who reads this comment to think of the real heroes of this world, The people who go undercover and infiltrate child porn rings and child slave markets, While its unlikely we will ever get to the roots every child that is saved is a star in my book.
In my book there is no sorry, or it wont happen again for those people. Maby youve heard of an artist, i forgot his name but he took photos of his 12 year old nice naked and said they where art, mANy people agree it art and its ok becouse he got the child's permission, i say she is 12, she has no fucking idea what it is, and what he was doing. Im sorry for swearing but this really gets me worked up.
I had more to say but it forgot, My phone rang! if i think of it i'll come back!

Posted: May 29, 2008

HELLO YOU ARE REALLY TRYING. YOUR WRITING IS GOOD JUST KEEP IT. NICE JOB

Posted: May 30, 2008

HELLO YOU ARE REALLY TRYING. YOUR WRITING IS GOOD JUST KEEP IT. NICE JOB

Posted: May 30, 2008

Very good piece. The most disturbing thing about this issue is that something like 9 times out of 10 the abuser will be a relation or close friend of the family. Be wary of who you let into your child's life. Xxx

Posted: May 30, 2008

This is an issue that not only happens locally, but even more so it's become apart of the world's second most lucrative crime, human trafficking. And it breaks my heart everytime I hear a recollection of child abuse or read a memoir. Everytime I go to love146.org, my heart cringes to think about kids being forced into prostitution and used in brothels. Children should not be mature way beyond their years, and I wish there was more being done to prevent sex offenders from violating our children of tomorrow, instead of giving them a slap on the wrist. The world is a sick, sad place.

Posted: May 31, 2008

Wow, that's a lot of comments...

Posted: Jun 1, 2008

You did a great service to the world,and the first thing it is to discuss about , have a opnion about the issue. Another thing , that it is hard to talk about because people don't like to admit , but many cases are inside our own house. This is a good way to start prevent it .

Posted: Jun 1, 2008

What a thought provoking piece. It's a shame this thread runs so commonly through all cultures. I fear for children and all those who suffer every day. I grew up in a large family, lots of cousins running about etc. We all knew which relatives to steer clear of, we knew whose lap we should not sit in. We passed the knowledge to others so they wouldn't fall victim. But secrets were still kept, even decades later. It's a shame we cannot say more about sexual/physical/emotional abuse. Silence is its greatest fuel.

Posted: Jun 2, 2008

Very thought provoking and one where each of us has our own unique experiences and views of which discussions like this are fantastic.

Let me begin by saying that paedophiles have no place in society in general. I have had experience with these people in the past and there is simply no hope of "rehabilitation" or being able to influence their mind into adult relationships. In their horribly damaged mindset there is nothing wrong in what they are doing, it's as natual as night and day. As such, becaus ethey see no wrong doing, they have no desire to change their ways or halt in their perversion.

If I had any say in the punishment area of my country, I would castrate them to take away sexual desire, and build a prison on an uninhabited island and place them in those prisons with NO access to children for the rest of their lives.

There is a part two which I feel should be made separate....

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

Right part two.....

In most cases as has been stated before the purpetraitors have been people the child knows and is supposed to trust, not every case I know. My next point is sort of the flip-side to it - allow me to explain.

A few years ago a friend of mine, a doting, adoring father of two young girls, was on holiday with his family and he was playing in a communal pool with his girls, splashing, hoisting them up on his shoulders and just having normal father/daughter fun.

Someone at the hotel complex made a complaint and Police were called and my friend was taken in for thorough questioning, which was horrifying for him, his wife and his family. Long story short he was released without charge and the whole thing was dropped but as a consequence he is so traumatised and now dubious of any kind of public affection with either of his girls, that I feel that the girls have been denied a part of their father that he is now too scared to show them.

Whilst I accept that these vile fathers exist (who should be sterilised at the very least and killed at the very most to never be able to father children again) we shouldn't swing too far the other way and condemn genuine, loving, affectionate fathers for the way they love their children. Else we run the risk of raising generations that are alien to normal, loving physical contact.

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

Parents and so called adults rarely realize the impact they have on children's life. I am a strong believer that your childhood experiences have a major impact on your adult life. I've seen this, I've lived through this.

I met a woman a few years ago, she had a really bad reputation and upon getting to know her I realised that this reputation was not far fetched. She was with a different man almost daily. Bringing the men home to her children , letting them see her with them. It was disgusting. I could not keep quiet any longer and I decided to confront her about this. She was raped by her biological father from the age of three. When she decided to confide in her mother, her mother didn't believe her.

She has always felt loved through sex from that time. I think something in her died when she was just a child. REgardless to say she has never known how to love herself and thus didn't know ( or realise ) that she was putting her own children through the same abuse ( emotional ) that she had to endure. Setting an example to her children that they will remember for the rest of their lives.

Unfortuanately sexual abuse has a way of becoming a vicious circle. It just goes on.

The good news is that everyone one of us has the strength to rebuild our own lives. To go on and be better than the

I've got a three year old precious little princess. I fear everyday that something like that might happen to her. I've established an emotional connection with her from before birth and she tells me all about her day when she comes home at night. In simple terms and to the best of her three year old ability. Sometimes she gets so frustrated because she struggles to find the words to express herself. The effort in itself is admirable.

My advice to parents is not to probe to much. Talk to your children in such a way that they understand it's okay to talk and tell you things. Make it fun. Tell them about your day and about the people you saw and experiences you had. When they do something wrong, let them know that it was wrong and discipline them. But also remind them that it's human to make mistakes and that you'll love them regardless.

I'm not a professional but I love being a mother and this is just my personal views and opinions.

Children are children and should stay children. Society today has forced children to become adults long before they actualy supposed too. That's a sad truth.

I've just finished reading the comment by Jac and I was horrified. Physical loving contact is such an important factor in a growing childs life. It teaches them how to interact with other people and their own children one day.

My parents were never really affectionate when i grew up, but I decided to show not only tell my children how much I love them. I hug her and I kiss her and I hold her, nevermind where we are. I want her to feel safe and loved when she's with me. And to remember that when she's not. To feel protected.

I can't even begin to imagine what my reaction would be if someone thought I was molesting my own child just because I was being affectionate.

People that sexualy or emotionaly abuse children deserve no place in society. They don't deserve to live. Life is a gift, children are gifts given to us by God and should be apreciated and cared for.

I say bring back the death penalty in cases where children are abused.

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

This is so touching. I have no kids of my own, bu it still hit home... What an awesome article. Even thought it's so sad and fucked up, it happens everyday! I just wish people would listen more to kids. By both words and actions. Actions speak louder than words. That was amazing. Nice work!

Posted: Jun 4, 2008

I'm one of the lucky kids who has never had to experience this. But I know that iT can happen at any time. Infact four years ago, a girl was murdered because of this. It just pisses me off to think that people do this.
Some people are just sick.

(Let us remember Iowa, Jetsetta Gage and all that is comeing out of her case)

Now, I cannot walk alone in the streets with out my fist balled up in my pocket ready to hit the first person to touch me. For this reason, I got my blackbelt, so that I could defend myself . For this reason, I watch my back wherever I go.

I hop that people can see this from a kids view. We see people (Namely adults) mostly as people who want the best for us, even if we do not think that.

I can not stress the fact that we are just as scared of this as you are. Not all of us are idiots.
Thanx. Justine

Posted: Jun 15, 2008

your right... people gotta watch out for us kids.. being a kid isent always easy...

Posted: Oct 7, 2008