I can't believe it has been one year already. One year since my mom was murdered. I can remember it so well that I still have dreams about it. It keeps me up all night till I cry myself back to sleep. It is the same dream every night.
I see her walking home from the little bookstore we own. She gets to the alley that's about a block or two down the road, and a dark man comes out with bright orange fire like eyes. She steps back with a face of absolute horror. Then I'm there across the street yelling at her to run, but she can't hear me. I try to run to her, but I'm stuck where I am not moving an inch. The man puts his hands on her head bending it back, and then he leans in as if to kiss her. A piercing scream comes from her, but it goes away as fast as it came. She goes limp in his arms with his head still by her neck. He finally pulls away, almost as if he was struggling to get free, and looks at my mother's face in the light from the streetlamp. Then the strangest thing happens, he drops her and curses! He steps away as if he was about to walk away, but he turns back and sits on his knees next to her. With one quick movement of his hands he breaks her neck, and her blood spills out onto the concrete.
Then everything goes black and I'm back at home, sitting in the rocking chair reading Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. Which I read every night while I wait for her to get home, but that night was different. Someone knocked on my front door, and when I opened the door there was a young police officer outside on the front porch. I couldn't understand what he was talking about. The only words that I heard him say were "Your mother's body was found a block or two from where she works. I'm sorry to say this, but….there was nothing we could do…she was already…well your mother is…I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry." He walked off with a tear on his face, while I just stood there trying to understand what just happened. Finally I understood that my mother was dead. That was the night my mom was murdered, and the night I ran away for five days.
I eventually went back home, which was a mistake. My grandma later decided to send me elsewhere. I wouldn't have had to move if my parents weren't divorced. They had gotten divorced when I was about four years old. All I knew was that they were happy until the third year. My mom said that the reason was because, they argued so much. I think it was because she didn't like being cooped up in that little house. My mom has always liked traveling and cities, not green covering everything in sight. She also hated the rain.
My dad lives where it's almost continuously raining every day. It's nothing like that in Atlanta, Georgia. It's always sunny and warm, but my dad lives in McCleary, Washington; where it is sunless, rainy, and cold. And the cold eventually leads to frozen rain, which means white snow all over the place. I don't like the snow at all! That's why I haven't been there in three years.
So I went back to my grandma, and stayed at my school. I really didn't feel like moving into a new school, but in the end I'm going to have to. My grandma says that I haven't gotten any better over the year. And she was right; I don't go out much anymore. My boyfriend hasn't liked that too much either, but he understands my situation. Unlike my grandma, she is making me go to Washington to live with my dad Rick.
I would have argued about it, but when my grandma makes up her mind she sticks to it. One of the most annoying qualities she has, but I can't complain. I'm the same way, so in the end I'm stuck with my dad and the horrible weather in Washington.
"We will now be landing in Illinois." A woman called on the airplane intercom.
Well now I have a two-hour wait here in the airport, then it's off to some other airport and then I'll be in the Seattle airport in Washington. I didn't pay attention to my grandma about which airports I was supposed to get off at; I just remembered how many stops were in between each one. I was too distracted by what had happened during those last three months of school, to pay attention to my grandma's plans for my trip. The the reason why I haven't gotten any better. It was also the reason why I didn't argue with my grandma about leaving.
My boyfriend Trent broke up with me. We had been going out for a year and a half. He was the one who helped me through a lot when my mom died. I was so upset, that is until I found out what he had done.
I was walking to lunch with my two best friends Annie and Molly. When an old friend, Jasmine, came up and called Molly a slut. I froze where I was shocked by what I heard. I stopped and said, "What the hell are you talking about?" She looked at me shocked and confused. She turned towards Molly and back to me and said, "I can't believe you are still friends with her after what she did." Turning back to Molly, "I'm sure neither of them even told you though." I looked at her confused this time.
"What are you talking about?"At that moment Molly just shook her head and walked off.
"Molly…she had sex with Trent after your mom died, she made a move on him. And they have been having sex over the past couple of months while ya'll were going out. That is why he broke up with you." She turned looking over at Molly ,"I can't believe anyone would do that to someone, your best friend especially . Plus after your mom dieing too? Hince me calling her a slut." She looked back at me with a sympathetic face on and turned around to sit back at her table.
I looked at Molly and the next thing I knew I was in the office. I was right next to her waiting to be disciplined for fighting. The funny thing is that she has a bloody nose and lip, while I don't have a scratch on me. We both got suspended for three days. After that I was an outcast, but I was used to that. I've only had two or three friends to begin with in High School anyway. I've never been a social person. I just stuck with my pencil and books. Never made too many close friends so it wouldn't bother me to move, but what bothers me is making new friends. I have never been good at that like my mom was.
"Gate five is now boarding!"
Well this will be my last entry in my journal. I have decided to stop and start a new, this time without writing my life down. That way when I leave Washington I won't be able to look back. Good by old days, and hello to the new in four more hours. This should be interesting.
This airport is nothing compared to the one back home. It is much smaller, and there aren't a lot of people either. Which makes getting around quicker and easier, but I don't want to leave.
I got my bags and headed towards the sliding doors. As soon as I walked outside I saw it. I saw my dad's truck. It wasn't that I didn't like my dad; it was just what he did for a living. My dad helped with construction, pluming, electricity, anything dealing with buildings. Which meant everyone knew him, and so everyone knew about me. Even people who didn't own businesses knew him because he helped people with their homes for a lower price.
This wasn't the only thing that brought my mood down. My farther and I have never gotten along. We always argued with each other when I was young. He doesn't know anything about me, since we always argued. So we didn't ever have anything to talk about.
I walked over to the truck while my dad got out and took my bags. The truck was spacious and I like that. It smelled like grease inside though, so I rolled down the window for clean air.
"So how was your flight?"
"Long and tiring…but not bad." I said looking out the window. I waited for another small talk conversation, but he never said anything. So I just stared out the window until he came up with something else to talk about.
The sky is unusually clear. You usually can't see the sun out, but rays shot out of the clouds. As much as I wished for those rays to add some warmth in the air, they didn't. August might be warm in Georgia, but here it was cold enough for long sleeves. I haven't ever minded the cold, but I miss my home.
As I looked back at the airport I began to think about my old life, my old home, and my mother. Then it started to rain, and I got water drops in my hair and face. It didn't bother me because, it washed away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks.
And no matter how much I said it to myself it wouldn't come true. I did like the cold and the rain. That's I was crying too. My mom had always known that about me. I just wanted to make myself think I hated this place. I've always done that, only because it was the only way to keep me away from my dad. My dad was the one who left us, but in the end we left him and he moved back into the house. As a result I had always hated him when I was young because, my mom was so unhappy when we moved into grandma's house. I know now that she was unhappy because of what she couldn't do or give to me. We didn't have a lot, but I was very happy with what we had. So I just got so used to saying, I hate this place it's so cold and it rains every day, but really I loved it inside.
The sky stayed gray and rainy the whole way to my dad's house. That wasn't bad, but the not talking at all part was. And my dad never liked to listen to the radio so I was out of luck.
"Well I have a surprise for you in the yard. I hope you like it." My dad said when we were a block away from the house.
"Really what is it?" I asked with false enthusiasm.
He smiled "You'll see."
As we drove into the driveway, I saw it out of the corner of my eye. It was shinny and blue. Not a dark or light sky blue, but it had a hint of gray in it. I was actually happy that I asked my dad for a favor. This way I didn't need to ride with my dad to school. On the other hand, I'll have to find a job somewhere to pay for gas because, the school is in another town. The town of McClaire was too small to have a High School, so I have to drive to Elmsly.
"It's beautiful! I actually like it." I said grinning ear to ear. He smiled then.
"I'm glad you like it. It took me a while, but I found a good deal on it. It's a Saturn." He had a very accomplished look on his face, and it almost made me laugh. I walked over to the car looking at its shinny paint. I ran my hand along on the wet surface, making my way to the driver side door. I reached down to open the door, but of course it was locked. "Where are the keys?"
"Oh! Sorry here!" He took them out of his pocket and tossed them to me.
I caught the keys in my hand, and unlocked the door with them. "I'm going to take a drive down to the beach…okay?" I figured I would ask instead of saying I'm going.
"Do you remember where to go?"
"Yeah, I remember all the turns and things."
"Are you sure you don't want to unpack first?" He gestured towards the truck.
"I'll do that when I get back, and don't worry 'bout the bags I'll get them."
"Ok I'll see you when you get back then, but not too late." He said as he walked up the stairs into the house.
I got into the car, and it was awesome. The car had comfy cloth seats, and no stains. I glanced at the back seat, looked over to the speedometer, I looked over the whole car, but only two things stuck out. A new stereo face with an AUX input, I'm glad he could tell I loved my music, and the fact that I finally had my own car. I put the key in, and turned the engine over. It came to life with a muffled purr. The car sounded great; everything about it was great.
"Wow Rick actually did a good job." I smiled to myself thinking of the other few times he did something right, which wasn't very often.
I grabbed my iPod out of my pocket, and plugged it in with the cord that was there.
"He is so smart." I said to myself with a sarcastic expression. I really knew that the guy he bought this from told him what to get. Since he doesn't know anything about music, and he hates asking people at stores for help.
I turned on my iPod, and scrolled through the artists till I found one of my favorites. The system was awesome! Way better than I was expecting. I pulled out listening to Frou Frou on the way to town.
It felt good being able to go through town without anyone knowing who it was. I didn't have to smile or wave to people. It was like no one could see me, and that's how I liked it. I just wanted to drive, and I wanted time to myself. I wouldn't have gotten that in my dad's truck, which is a huge deal to me. To be able to be unknown.
It was a fairly long drive to the beach, but it was worth it. As soon as I stepped out onto the beach everything disappeared except for the beauty of this place. This place maybe the beach, but to me it's my sanctuary. All my worries disappear when I come to this beautiful sanctuary.
The rocks surrounding me are so pretty in the sun light. Shinning blue, purple, and gold. Not only are the rocks pretty, but the tide pools are too. There are so many colors and so much life. Not to mention the water feels great when you place your hand just on top of the surface, to where the water makes an outline of your hand. It's so pretty and peaceful here.
I looked back towards the horizon, just in time to see that the sun was setting. I would have stayed and watch it go down, but I knew Rick would want me to go. I took one more glance at my sanctuary and went back to my car. It was another long drive, but this time I didn't want to go from point A to point B. I wanted to stay where I was, and not drive off again.
As I drove into the driveway I noticed that the porch light was on.
"Worried old man," I said as I shook my head "but where's his truck?" I looked around, but his truck wasn't there. I got out of my car, and walked to the porch. I got to the door and glanced around, and there was nothing but darkness and bugs chirping loudly. I turned back and saw a note on the door.
"Sorry Ray but I had to go to work. I hope you remember where the key is, and there is some food in the frig if you get hungry. Oh and I put your luggage inside for you."
I went to reach for the key on top of the door, but I saw something in the woods. I looked over at it, and it started running towards me out of the woods. I stepped back and reached for the stool beside me, but then I noticed that it was just a deer. It continued to run and suddenly dashed into the road, and disappeared into the woods on the other side.
I leaned against the door breathing in air; I had been holding my breath. "Stupid deer!" I grabbed the key and I noticed something else in the corner of my eye. It looked like an outline of a person. I stopped right where I was. The figure took a step forward, but it disappeared, leaving an empty space of darkness in its place. I shoved the key into the door and unlocked it, and slid into the house slamming the door behind me.
I stood there with my back against the door and slid down to the floor. Gasping for air as I thought about the figure, but for some reason I didn't feel frightened by it. Which is a very odd way to feel, especially with a dark mysterious man staring at you from the woods.
I got up from the floor and looked around at the familiar house. It had the same old TV, same chairs, same table, everything was the same. Even the furniture was in the same spot they were in when I was four.
"Same old boring house….except for the creepy stuff outside." I smiled and head towards the stairs.
I walked up the stairs and into my room. The only other room was my Dad's room. The bathroom was right above the laundry room, so you had to be careful when you took a shower otherwise its really cold.
I got to the top of the stairs and went to the left and opened the door. I peered into the room wandering what I might see.
"Ha! It looks exactly the same….Well except for the bed."
I walked over to the foot of my bed, turned around and fell backwards.
"So much better than that little twin size bed."
I turned onto my side and glanced around the room looking at the walls, and everything else. The walls were a light blue but not a sky blue. It was more of a blue mixed with some gray. All my wolf carvings and sculptures were still on the shelf, which was hung on the wall. My rocking chair was there along with my desk. The floor was white except for that red spot in the middle of the room. I had spilt red Kool-Aid the first time I was allowed to drink in my room. After that I had to eat and drink downstairs at the table.
I made my way back to my desk where my computer was. I looked up at the ceiling, but looked straight back at the computer. It was different. I used to have an ancient dinosaur desktop computer, but the computer was defiantly not ancient anymore. It wasn't even a desktop; it was a brand new laptop!
I jumped off the bed and stood there staring at it.
"Ok. So a car and a laptop? Where is he getting all this money? And why am I talking to myself?" I shook my head and looked back at the computer. I sat down in the chair and opened the laptop, and ran my fingers over the smooth keys looking for the power button and pressed it. I added iTunes to the desktop as soon as I got the internet working, but the bad thing was I forgot how to get the file to open off of the iPod.
I know I put all of the songs from my old computer into a folder on this thing, but how do I get to the folder on my ipod?
"Oh my God! Why can't I remember?" I walked over to my bed and just laid there listening to my iPod. I had eventually fallen asleep, and the next thing I knew the alarm clock was going off at 5:30 in the morning. This was weird because I didn't set the alarm.
"Why did Rick set my alarm?"
I sat there just staring at the clock lost about why he set it. Then it hit me.
"I have school today!"