Silence is so deafening. I lay here and count the specks on the ceiling. I don't get past ten before having to start over again. My mind won't focus on the counting. It's racing. It's going all the way back to when it all first started. How did I end up here? I thought I did everything right. I did what they told me to. Yet I'm still here, alone. Look at him, look at the pretty girl around his arm. Jealousy, envy, anger. But it's not his fault. No, no. It's mine. No, of course it isn't mine. I did exactly what they said. Maybe it's the Earth's fault. How can something so consistent be so unfair? Do I want her or do I want it? I want her. But do I just want her for it.
Well, what is it? It can't be explained. It is not a feeling or an emotion. It's an understanding. It's a reason to live. It's as powerful as Hercules and as dangerous as Rasputin. But I crave it. No, no not from her though. Her's is poisoned and tainted. Her's is cruel. I spread my wings and fly to my happy place among the black ink. The pop music playing softly over the speakers is the only sound. A feeling swells up inside of me, calling to me. It's warm, it's calm, it's home. Nothing else matters but the moving of my feet and frantic movement of my eyes. They can't get enough. The idea of infinite and eternal is mesmerizing and it beckons. Alas, I believe it is false. False hope. I run away from that harsh home on to the streets. The cars fly by as the sound waves crash over me. The lights from the cars blind my vision and I'm forced to look down to my feet. Thank God for them. For they do not fear, they trek on. They carry me away from that harsh home and bring me back to the start. Back to the beginning, back to the inception. I should have never run away. I love it, I can live with out it. It's immaculate, it's all-powerful, it's deafening. Loneliness is so deafening.