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The Way I Was Looking at Stuff

Essay By: swimFire
Young adult



Couldn't sleep last night, this just came out.


Submitted:Apr 14, 2009    Reads: 181    Comments: 3    Likes: 1   


So right now, it is 10:48 at night. I have to get up inabout 7 hours for school, and coming off a long weekend, I'll be more tired on Monday than usual. In theory, I should be sleeping. I actually tried to fall asleep around 9:45 but laying in bed for an hour listening to my dad snoring wasn't helping much. So I turned on my iPod, sleep setting, picked a song, let it go for half an hour, didn't work. So okay.
So then I start thinking, which is rarely (if ever) a good thing for me to do. I tend to sorta over-analyze stuff a lot and make stuff out to be ten times bigger and/or worse than it actually is. Most of the time, this is a side of me people rarely, if ever, see. Like, really, really see. It happens.
It just picks bad times to come out.
Like now, for example, because I have exactly 6 hours and 51 minutes until my alarm clock goes off.
Anyway. Just to clarify, this is NOT my form of some cry-for-help type thing or anything, it's just the over analyzing-ness side of me coming out, and now you get to hear about it. That's it. I promise.
So now we've got that figured out and clarified, I'm gonna tellyou my reasons as to why I'm still up. In theory, one would think if I could "identify the problem!" (check), I could sort out and solve said problem. Not so much. Anyway, you don't get the full story, a) because I don't even know it, b) it's really (sub point 1) not that important and (sub point 2) not your business)
So after contemplating and "Identifying the problem!" for…since 7, more or less, I've over-analyzed and thought about the following things which are(more or less) going to keep me up until I write it down.
1. Kids have it so lucky. Most, if not all, of the big issues (see previous two paragraphs) go straight over their heads, and they don't even know what they're missing. Then, you've got all the adults, who are more or less sitting there thinking, "okay, this is sorta maybe possibly kinda my fault because I did/didn't do that." Or something. And then, you have the teenagers, who understand the situation but aren't sure they're supposed to, and then if they're supposed to it's like are you supposed to share your opinions or just stay out of it or… Now I'm just talking myself in circles and I'm going to stop lol
2. It's all too much about me. I was sitting here a few minutes ago thinking about my schedule, and all the stuff I have to do and all the people I have to talk to, and all the stuff I wanna do this summer, and I realized that, as far as I'm concerned, a lot of this is, "Me! Me! Me!" I'm like one of those Finding Nemo seagulls. It's sorta disgusting, if you really think about it. Not that I wanted to, it just happened. So my goal (at the moment. Let's see how long this lasts) is to be less "me!" and more "They! Us! Them!". A big part of this is probably I can't drive yet so am totally dependent on my mom for everything, but still. I'm not a big fan of seagulls. Real or hypothetical ones. I'm not cancelling any plans I have made or am making, I still want texting and swim team and private drivers ed, but I'm gonna fit some "them!" time in there somewhere. Even though I don't yet know who "they" are. Now this just sounds like a bad mystery novel.
3. I really, really, really do have the most amazing friends in the world. I know I say that a lot but I really do mean it. I mean, look at my List of Things to Never Forget. I don't think anyone else could come up with that many. I'd give an exact number, but a) I do not recall at this time and b) I guarantee it will be outdated by after school tomorrow. It's at least 535 though. So anyway. I love you guys. But not like that. Because you're not Bobby or Corey or Elliot or Derek. Unless, of course, you are… In which case, you need to come from Tennessee/ Florida/New York/California and we'll figure something out lol.
4. 2009, I'm determined to make this the best summer ever. It already looks pretty good, let's keep it that way.
5. Bobby's tattoo, is it *feel* my heart or *feed* my heart? See, just one of the many stupid things to keep me up all night. I'll keep you posted on any breaks in the case lol (to go along with my bad mystery novel theme I seem to have going)**UPDATE--Bobby's tattoo apparently says 'feel my heart beat.**
6. My toe hurts. It's a really bad idea to play soccer in flip flips. In case you were wondering. Especially when two of the three people you're playing with or against play soccer competitively. Right there, that tells you that one of two things are guaranteed. 1, you will lose. 2, you will hurt your toes. Anyway, I'm bringing tackle pads next time lol
7. I should probably go get my skirt out of the car…Yeah, that sounds bad, but yes, I CAN explain! I wore a skirt to my aunt's house (Yes! Me!In a SKIRT! Alert the press!) and I brought a pair of jeans because I knew wearing a skirt wouldn't work out well, because between me and my cousins, we get into some pretty skirts-won't-be-appropriate- situations. So anyway, I changed into jeans and I left my skirt in the backseat of the car, which could be a large amount of fun to explain to the next person in there. "What's this?" "My skirt." "Why…?" On the plus side, I have one…two…three…4,5,6,seven…like, eight people to vouch for me that I did just tell you the truth as to why there is a skirt flung randomly in the back seat of my car.
8. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. Ihope it does.
9. There's no way I'm going to survive school tomorrow. It's now 11:48. Bah. Good thing I'm not going to the before school study session tomorrow for AP human. I'd die of exhaustion. Maybe I should bring coffee…
So that's my lovely (and extremely confusing and mostly stupid) list of reasons as to why I'm going to be functioning on less than five hours of sleep tomorrow.Great.
I apologize in advance if I'm extra bitchy or something.
So yeah.




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