Being around him is something that I should avoid. I can't keep putting myself through the annoyance and humiliation! The annoying part being, after having great sex, he barely communicates with me until the next time we meet. Maybe he'll text me that same day, maybe the next, but never for more than one day. We do not belong together, and it is purely a sexual attraction. I could never see myself with him romantically. He's too...I don't know how to say it, non-monogomy? He likes variety. But he's so different to me. He can be rough but yet so passionate. It's exciting. The sex is really great. But it's never more than that. Sure, if we happen to stay the night together, then we end up cuddling all night and he'll be hugging on me and kissing me. But that's basically, pretty much it. When I'm around him, I can't help but stare at him and smile whenever I see him smile. It's awful. Especially when he looks at me. I melt and want to shoot him in the face at the same time. I want to yell at him, "Stop smiling at me! Stop staring at me! Don't look at me! I just want to fuck your brains out!"
He's no good for me. I should stay away from him! Everyone has warned me to stay clear of him, but do I listen? Nope. I never do. Apparently everyone warned him to stay away from me too. What the fuck? Why? Excuse me, I'M not the man whore here. I'm the stupid teenage girl who will listent to every fucking lie a boy tells her. And will probably sleep with you if I find you attractive enough. Which is why I sleep with him whenever we just so happen to maybe want each other at that same time. Thus, the humiliating part begins. We're at the same house (Usually his friends house) or, in one other instance, where we were at my mother's house. We drink. We smile at each other. We talk. We laugh. We drink some more. Later on, we end up fucking. Maybe we sleep together that night, and he will leave first thing the next morning. He leaves pretty early, and quickly. I usually end up feeling used up. But hey, I set myself up for it. And you know what? This guy seems to be the only thing giving me inspiration to write more lately.
I don't know why I'm so attracted to him, maybe it's because I know I've been told to stay away? And the reason why he's attracted to me is because of that same reason? Because we know we're taboo for each other, yet we can't stay away? It's some of the best sex I've ever had. Besides you-know-who. He calls me sexy, and compliments my eyes. He pulls my hair and grabs my ass. And I say again, it's purely physical. Which sort of sucks for me, because, well, really, I do kind of maybe have a crush on him. Yeah, me and him will NEVER happen. He's a "player" and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm the only one bound to get hurt. He won't care regardless of what happens. But, it's okay. We have this unspoken agreement, it seems, that if we are at the same place, at the same time, and we're both intoxicated, then we will spend the rest of that night fucking, and no more than that. He will get up and leave the next morning, maybe saying goodbye to me, maybe not. And the cycle repeats itself.