March 18, 2012
Ok so being a girl isn't all that easy. It takes skill.
And to tell you the truth I didn't have skill. I was more cut
out to be a tom boy. For 1) i dressed like one, 2) I looked
like one and 3) everyone hired a guy rather than a girl. Can
we say sexiest. To me it was just me being me. But inside I
knew I wanted to be all girly but had a tough life. I had to
toughen up or starve to death. My father had died. Or that's
what we said instead of saying "left us". We decided that it
hurt less. My mother went into depression for about 5 months.
She would eat nor talk to us. She would lock herself in her
room all day. I was only 12 when this happened. My sister was
Now Im turning 15. Just a few more months. I can drop out
of school next year and find a full time job. My mom is doing
a little better but we still dont have enough money to pay
the bills. I have lost all girlyness in me and act as if I
were a guy. I know what your thinking. "I rather die of
starvation then act like a guy." Well to tell you the
truth..... I have no reason to dress up nicely. We cant
afford new cloths. My mom has to take 5 jobs. I take night
time shifts. But with school in the way, I have to leave work
I'm half Mexican and half American. My mom is Mexican.
And you know where I'm American from so I wont say it. You
know how people say not to dwell in the past. Well its easier
said then done. Sometimes I wake up expecting my dad to be
waiting downstairs for me. I had lost all emotion when my mom
had went into depression. So I toughened up. I never broke
down. I never let a single tear role down my cheek. I had to
take care of my family when he "died." I hated seeing my mom
and sister crying. My mom would try to blink the tears away
but when one escaped her beautiful brown eyes she couldn't
stop there rest from coming down.
I promised to myself that night that I would do whatever
it took to keep the rest of my family alive and together.
Many 12 year old girls would have to worry about school or
boy problems. But not me. I had to find a job. I had to keep
my family together. Even if it meant that I would have to let
go of all my girly ness.
Now with me turning 15 I have more responsibilities. I'm
in charge of the whole house. I do the taxes and income. Me
and my mom work. My sister goes to school. We decided that
she should at least try to receive a better future. I still
go to school but I get out early. Yesterday when I was at
work.(I work at a bar. Yeah, it sucks but at least I get
payed.)These guys(more like jerks) thought I was "hitting" on
their girls. (Just to make sure you know. I ain't lesbian. I
like guys.) They started to punch me. (Good thing I learned
self defense and I was the best fighter of my class. Not to
brag or anything.) I ended up losing my job. But at least i
had KO'ed those jerks.
The jerks were good enough not to put a police report. It
kind of surprised me. But o well. Now I'm trying to find a
new job. Well I guess this is bye. The only reason I'm
keeping this diary is because it helps lessen the
"Natalia, can you come here?" "Mom, I have to go work." I
hadn't told her that I lost my job. She had 5 jobs already
and I did'nt want to put more wood in the fire.
**A/N this is just something that came to mind. Im
not sure if I will finish it. My other novels are being on
hold. They arent what I expected so I will try to re write
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