"What is life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare?" - W.H.
I sat and stared at the dark outline of a person approaching. I looked away- I knew who it was. It was always the same person who came and wrecked my time to observe everything- Jacob. He stepped into the light of the moon and grinned. "Nessie- It's late." I shrugged and stared at nothing. He bent to look me in the eye. I couldn't help but smile at his goofy stare. I laughed and dropped my hands that were cradling my head. "Why do you come out here every night?" He asked looking up at the moon. I smiled up at the moon too. It was beautiful, pale and mysterious. I tried to formulate a sentence to describe how the moon made me feel.
I held out my hand for Jacob to take. He grinned and took it. I created a whirl of colors- all the colors I could muster. Then I showed him a picture of himself- with the sun and moon reflections. He let go of my hand when I'd finished. "Okay. Point gotten." I nodded and shoved my foot out to meet with the dirt, I leaned back on the rock I was perched on and stared straight up at the moon.
"I get the whole moon thing. What I really wanted to know was the appeal of being out here in the middle of the night." I rolled my eyes and took a copper ringlet in my fingers. He chuckled. "You are just like Bella." I dropped my ringlet and sat up. "Is my mother the only person you see when you look at me?" He shook his head hard and took my hand. "Nessie, please don't do this. You've been at my throat for days." I continued to twist the ringlet on my finger. "I wonder why I have been. You haven't thought about me once for days." I stood and took my journal that I'd been writing in.
"Nessie, you know that I've got to be supportive for Leah. It's been hard on her having to be so close with Sam and Emily. Especially this time of year." I started toward the cottage. Jacob followed swiftly as I knew he would. "Nessie, listen to me please. You know I don't care about Leah like I care about you." I clutched my journal and kept walking until I'd arrived at the door of the cottage. "Nessie-" I held out my finger."Jacob- just give me some time alone. Okay? I just want an hour or two by myself." Jacob stood there, suddenly I saw the rapid difference in his posture, he was no longer standing upright, proud and majestic, in the course of a few seconds- and my words, and he’d crumpled into a walking heap. I sighed. "Jacob. I'm not mad at you. I'm just... tired. And I'd like to sleep without you knocking on my window tonight- Okay?" He nodded, I could see him recovering a bit. My breathing returned to normal.
Jacob wouldn't be unhappy- As far as I could influence him. He reached his hand out. "Can I have a goodnight kiss please?" I smiled and kissed him lightly on his mouth.
"Tell Bells I said Hi." I nodded and watched him head toward his house, I leaned on the door, and only closed it when he was out of my sight. I turned and noticed my father sitting there, he was smiling slightly and holding a book- I didn't bother to read the title- chances are I wouldn't recognize it at all. "Nessie-How are you? I haven't seen you since you visited the main house in the early afternoon." I nodded- I'd wandered off by myself- to do some thinking. I tucked my hands behind my back. "I'm fine Daddy. I've just been writing and.. You know. Hanging with Jacob." He smiled knowingly. "We both know that your Mother knows how drastically your relationship with Jacob has changed. " I nodded- I could tell my Mom knew too. She didn't miss much when it came to Jacob and I- she watched us carefully even when he was just helping me draw- or listening to a new song I'd learned on piano. I could see it in her eyes- she wasn't ready to announce her feelings. I couldn't exactly pinpoint when Jacob and I had taken being friends- to being... together. It wasn't something I'd been concerned about.
After I'd turned sixteen- and had stopped maturing, I noticed he looked at me differently. I also sensed a change in myself- I wanted him in a different way too. Daddy stood and kissed my forehead. "I'm going to stay out here and pay very close attention to my book for awhile. Your Mom is in our room. Perhaps talking to her would ease her mind?" I smiled and walked down the hallway and knocked on the door. "Come in," My Mother's voice chimed. I walked inside- the room was lit brightly, my Mom perched on the couch near the closet. She held no book- in fact, she just appeared to be marveling, and smiling. I walked to her and sat next to her. She waited for me to speak. I turned to her. "Mom, I've got something to say." She turned to me intently. "I... Like Jacob. A lot." She smiled at my bluntness. "I know Nessie. You two don't hide it very well." I smiled. "I know that you and He had agreed that the only way you'd allow him to stay around was if we never decided to be together." She looked at me, admiringly.
"It's obvious. You are so gorgeous and grown up. I could tell the second Jake stopped seeing you in... The old way. He started to see that you had grown from the little 'Nessie' that he'd become so enamored with a while ago. He watched you grow up- and that way he knows everything about you. Jake and you used to just sit in a corner alone and you would show him all kinds of things. You two were obviously in love." I knew this- but to hear it relayed back to me was powerful. I smiled, but looked at my Mom's face, her astonishingly beautiful face. "How do you feel about it Mom?" She smiled.
"I've had a while to get used to the idea. I wasn't thrilled about it at first. Jacob had taken a claim on you before I'd even held you. That wasn't something he could control, but I wasn't happy. I resented him for a while, and hated the bond you two had. It seemed you loved him more than me for a second." I shook my head. She held up a finger. "I know now that I was just... so excited about seeing you- and holding you- I didn't realize that you loved Jake- but not like you loved me. I accept that you and he will be together. It's something that I've had to think about- And I've decided... that I don't mind it as much as I'd thought." I grinned and hugged her, she ruffled my curls and kissed my head too. "Are you going to bed?" I nodded. "I think I'll write first, but I'll be asleep soon." My Mom let me go and looked out of the window. "Night Mom." She whispered an echo back. I entered my room and walked to my desk immediately, I wrote a passage and a half and stopped writing just before midnight. I climbed into bed shortly after, and looked at the window and the nook that I read in sometimes- and smiled. I stood and walked to short distance to the window.
I said clearly and calmly- Jacob. I stepped back, a second or two later, he tapped on the window, I let him inside and hugged him immediately. He grinned. I pressed my head to his heart, the stood on my toes to kiss him, I wanted him to see my point. He hugged me close and kissed me back sweetly, somehow- I knew he'd gotten what I'd wanted to say.