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Immortal Passion

Novel By: BreakingDawn
Young Adult


Brianna Marie Race, or Bree as everyone calls her, is just a normal girl. Her life is great; when suddenly, everything that she has come to know and trust begins spiralling out of control. Right when she thought her life couldn't get any worse; she finds herself in a situation that would be more comfortable in a nightmare.
The next thing she knows, she is a creature that 2 days before, she thought didn't even exist. She was a myth, a mythical creature, and she SHOULD NOT exist, everything about her goes against nature; against everything she knows to be true. Yet, does that really matter? She IS a vampire, and there is nothing she can to about now.
After falling in love with her savior, Kasey Michael Rain, they finds themselves battleing on a daily basis; just to keep their lives. View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 150

Submitted: May 29, 2008    Reads: 528    Comments: 25    Likes: 6   


I ran my fingers through my soft alburn hair as I thought about the upcoming day. I was just about to graduate high school and the prom was just around the corner. At this time tomorrow night, I would be gracefully spinning and twirling in the arms of my best friend, my boyfriend, my personal god; Daniel Walker. He was everything I had always wanted; someone to talk to, to care for me, someone who really knew me. Sometimes, it was like he could read my mind; andI his. We knew each other so well it was almost scary! As I dwelt on this subject,I slowly began drifting to sleep, while my mind wandered aimlessly around.

I woke as soon as the light began to seep through my windows. I hopped out of bed to turn my alarm clock off, as it was frantically beeping. I staggered over to my closet to find something to wear. Personally,I had always wondered my school couldn't start at 10:00. or maybe even 11:00. It would be easier for everyone!

I slipped on a light blue tank, and pulled on my jeans as i opened my door to the hallway.

"Morning mom." I called into her bedroom as i heard the shower turn off.

"Are you exited Honey?" She asked me, wearing a dark blue towel and a wide grin on her face.

"Very." I said with as much enthusiasum asI could manage at 6:30 in the morning. I hurried through the process of brushing my teeth, getting the tangles out of my hair, and shoveling down breakfast. I ran out the door yelling,

"See yah later mom!"

I hear her call somthing in return, but i was already in mycar and didn't hear her answer clearly. I drove to school a little to fast, due to the exitement spells rolling through my body. I could almost see it radiating off my skin. I drove, slower now, into the parking lot and stopped just as soon as i had planted myself successfully into a slot. Next to me was a White Dodge Caravan, one that I just nearly missed asI swung my door open. I raced up the lot to the high school building,nearly falling on my face as I cleared a parking meator. I was such a klutz! This fact often angered me, yet i was comforted by Daniel; who was often even more clumsy and uncoordinated than me!

"Hey Bree!" Rachel yelled as I walked through the door.

"Take you seats." Mr Barker ordered asI tripped over Matthew's bookbag, nearly falling to my knees. A couple people around me chuckled while I grabbed a nearby desk to regain my balance; blushing asI sank deep down into my seat; trying to disappear.

I hardly paid any attention to my classes that morning. I was all to eager to get to lunch.

I walked alone into the cafiteria, scanned every square inch of the room for Daniel; seeing him nowhere.

I gasped suddenly as someone squeezed me into a tight hug from behind. A sighed in relief as Daniel chuckled in my ear over my reaction.

"Hey Daniel." I greeted him happily. He released me and smiled.

"Ready to grab some grub?"

"Sure"

We stood in line for longer than usual to get our food, but I didn't mind. I was happy as long as I couldbe beside him, holding his hand.After I had bought my normal turkey sandwich and potato chip lunch, we walked over to join a table full of our friends.

"Hey Daniel!" Ben called, motioning him to sit in the sat beside him. David smiled, and swifly peeked me on the cheek before he walked to the other side of the table to slide in next to Ben.

"So how did your date go Mike last night?" I asked Rachel once we had all settled in. I ended up between Rachel and her Ex-boyfriend, Rob. Accward... I thought to myself.

"It was great!" She answered happily, as she launched into minuete by minuete description of their evening. I "ooohhed" and "ahhhhed" in all the right places, but mostly just let her talk. I was complely happy letting my mind wander to tonight's prom.

Before I knew it, the day was over. It had sped by faster than i could have imagined. But I was gratified. If the school day was over, that ment I only had a few more hours to suffer through before prom.

Daniel and I talked as he walked me from the school building to my truck. Smiling, as always, he opened my door motioning me inside with his long arm. After kissing him quickly, he shut the door and jogged to his car. Isaw himback out of his parking spot quickly; waved to me through his mirror as he turned the wheel to get on the road. That was when it happened. With my windows down, I could clearly hear a screeching, skiddingnoise, getting louder and louder every moment. I froze, already half way out of my parking spot. Had just 2 seconds gone by? I swung my head around just in time to see agreen Mini Vanslam into David's little car head on. With more force than I could imagined, his car flung backwards hitting another car's bunmper. That was all his tiny car could take. It bounced back, flipping onto it's side. Itwavering, and then finally becoming still, as Daniel sat slumped, and motionless in his seat. That was when the screaming started, but i could barely hearthe others cries over my own.

"Daniel! Daniel!" I screamed in horror. I ran over to his car, hoping and praying that I wouldn't be to late. When suddenly, the car began to shift, and pop. It was clearly off balance. I skidded to a stop, a little to quickly, and feel on my back. Lying in the shadow of the wavering car, I heard people begin screaming my name. How strange, I thought. Only then remembering why I had stopped. But it was to late. The car had decieded which way it wanted to fall. It chose... the left side, the side I lay on. I saw the car coming down towards me, and nothing else. I blacked out.


6

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Comments:

I love it!!! KEEP GOING, MAN!

Posted: May 29, 2008

Author Comment:

lol.. thx. Next chapter is going to be released today;
5-29-08.

oh my gosh. I want to read the next one right now!

Posted: May 29, 2008

Author Comment:

lol thx for reading! : )

AHHHH!!! this is sort of like Twilight though with the green van sean and all, but i like it so far tell me when you update plez:]

Posted: May 29, 2008

Author Comment:

I will be releasing the next chapter today. Hopefully the spelling and such will be better! :D

OMG! I absolutely love this. It's great, keep on going, but as always, i have a few pointers...

(1) Type it in word (or something with spellcheck) first, then you can copy and paste it into Booksie. It'll help you with spelling and grammar.

(2) Give a little more detail. Her day seemed to fly by, as if she only had one or two classes. I kinda want to know what David looks like too!

I think that's it! It was great anyways! Keep up the good work!

Posted: May 30, 2008

Author Comment:

thx for the pointers! lol i'll change the first chapter a little, doing spell check on it; (and tell ya what David looks like! lol.)
:D

Wow, that was really good! Just a few typos here and there, but nothing that can't be fixed. There was just one thing, though, that I couldn't figure out. In the begining of the chapter, you said that her boyfriend was Daniel, but then later it seemed like it was David. Is it two different people, or the same person (like, did you change his name half way through writintg the chapter or something)? Maybe a bit more detail here and there, but other than that it was really good!
I really like th plot so far, so let me know when the next chapter is posted! ^^

Posted: May 30, 2008

Author Comment:

Ohh my gosh! thx for pointing that out! I am going to go back and fix all my typos in just a molment, but i didn't think I made that big of a mistake! lol thx 4 telling me! (His name is suppost 2 be Daniel. hee he. I have NO idea where David came from!)

I just posted the next chapter. : D

Haa ha. alright everyone.. Just posted the second chapter 3 minuets ago. (MANY less typos! hee he) plz comment. Chapter 3 will be released tomorrow.

Posted: May 30, 2008

This is really good.

Keep writing!

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

thx : D

I agree with everybody this was really good. However i do also agree with Rat this did sound like the story Twilight, Bree sounded alot like Bella and that scene with the green mini van, reminded me of when bella almost got hit by tyler's car in twilight. So try and change it up. But it was a really good story and i'm off to read your next chapter!

Posted: May 31, 2008

Author Comment:

lol thx abunch. I will try to make Bree alittle more
"un-bella-ish" and Kasey alittle more "'un-Edward-ish!" lol thx 4 the comment!

Sry Everyone. The 3rd Chapter will be releaced tomorrow, April 1st due to computer troubles. : (
sry!
~Sarah

Posted: May 31, 2008

Sry peeps! he hee. I ment JUNE 1st! yah.
lol
~Confused Again - Sarah

Posted: Jun 1, 2008

thx VampireAngel! lol 'my brain h.u.r.ts! lol'

Posted: Jun 3, 2008

LOOOOOOOOOVVVVEEE!!!!! MAN this is so my new Twilight!
Great work!
ever consider writing as a occupation?

Posted: Jun 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Not really, BUT I AM FLATTERED! lol thx abunch for reading! more chapters coming soon, I'll msg you when they r released. : D

lol awesome!

Posted: Jul 1, 2008

Author Comment:

thx abunch for reading!//commenting girlly! : D

I think it's a very smart idea! You've got a fabulous start for a story here. I didn't much notice how Bree sounded like Bella, or how any of the other characters sounded like the ones from Twilight. Lots of couples act like that, so I didn't find anything wrong with it. Though I must agree, the green van thing...sounded just a bit like Twilight. I also noticed you had a few spelling mistakes, and also even though you're speaking in first person and express her opinions in her head, it's kind of...hm..."odd" to put in exclamation points when you're saying her opinions. I've never read it where a book is like that, so maybe it's just because you're writing style is different. Other than those few things I thought that you did a wonderful job! I hope to read the next chapters soon:)

Posted: Jul 3, 2008

Author Comment:

hmmm. ok thx abunch! I never thought about not putting exclamation points in her thoughts. (lol i guess i just never noticed I did it!) Thx for the addvice! I probly just have them in there b/c i am a very LOUD person and I like to express everything about the way she is feeling.. expecially if its LOUD! lol ....yah.. i know, i have problems! hehee. thx for reading, and I'll go fix the mistakes 2! : D

Woow Love It

Posted: Jul 5, 2008

Author Comment:

lol, keep reading!!! : P and thx abunch for commenting luv! : D

oh my gosh...i love it!!! i'm on to the next chapter

Posted: Jul 9, 2008

Author Comment:

lol thx! X D

I agree with everyone that this is a ver ygood idea. but mostly I agree with XBrokenHeartedX about bree not seeming too much like bella.
I really liked it though and Im off to read the next chapters.
:]

Posted: Jul 10, 2008

Author Comment:

cool! I really have tried to change her up alittle, I hated feeling like everyone thought i was copying Stepianie Meyer. SHE ROCKZ THOUGH! : P

wow! shocking! this is gr8! i liked the van part! :D I'm really busy these days so when i get the time i will cheack out the rest!

Posted: Jul 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Sweet! Thx for reading! : D

Hello,
o.k i think you have talent that much is evident but i had some issues with the flow and pacing of your narrative. When you write in the first person try to minimize the use of "I" atleast in the start of every other sentence. To let you know what i mean i will just show you how to do it using your second paragraph.

"I woke up as soon as light began to seep in through my window. Hopping out of bed, i quickly turned of the alarm, which was beeping frantically. Staggering laboriously over to my closet, i pulled out something to wear. Personally, i always wondered why school couldn't start at ten, or maybe even eleven, that would be so much better for everyone."

O.K now you can see what i mean, these are not massive changes just a little tweaking here and there. But it really does help the flow.

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

hmmm, ok! thx abunch! I'll have to work on that alittle harder! thx girl! i really appreciate the help! : D

so sorry i was late!
but i like this so far!
keep it up!

Posted: Jul 15, 2008

Author Comment:

thx for reading girl! : D

holy mess sarah, you got like 50000000 comments lol. hehe it was good, and yeah it did kind of sound like twilight *cough* with less typos >..< its pretty good.

Posted: Jul 25, 2008

Author Comment:

lol thx for reading it girlly!

*gasp*
you're a twilight fan aren't you???
XD
jk
i'm off to the second chapter now :3

Posted: Aug 12, 2008

Author Comment:

heehee YUP! : D

ps. i know you're a twilight fan cuz of you name..i was just asking the question sarcastically ^^;; sorry if i confused you

Posted: Aug 12, 2008

Author Comment:

hmmm, ok. I don't remember u asking a question, BUT i believe u! lol : D thx!

I love your story, it's really good. I love how exciting you made it, ending on a cliffhanger like that, I have gotta to read the next chapter. That Daniel sounds like a really cool boyfriend, I hope he doesn't die! Guess I'll read the next chapter to find out!

Posted: Aug 14, 2008

Author Comment:

yup.. sorry, i kill him in the next chapter! lol : []



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