"Just gonna' stand there and watch me burn/That's alright because I like the way it hurts." -Eminem ft. Rihanna, Love the Way You Lie
"Ahhhh," I expressed, as I lay across my bed with the windows draped open and sunlight shining through. It was the perfect day. Well for me. Today was my birthday, July 24th, and I was really proud to turn 13.
For my birthday, my mom had a cookout over here. My daddy cooked on the grill and left. He never stayed home. Whenever he left, neither I nor my mom had the slightest clue where he went. We knew he somewhere out in the streets, but we ain't know where. He always kept secrets about himself and what he did. People that knew him always told me stories of him sneaking around on my mama. And you better believe he knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew him.
My mom was a strong woman. Hmm, well in her own way. If she knew about my daddy's wrong-doing, she would have left. If that was me who would have known, that would have been his ASS, no joke.
After the cookout, my family-mom, sisters, aunts, girl cousins and grandma- decided to gather in the living room to talk and just get together like families do. I, on the other hand, decided to stay in my room and chill. My door was shut, like it was supposed to be. My iPod was blasting Rihanna's new Loud album. I ended up multi-tasking and opened my book to begin reading.
"Aye! Everybody get up and get out!" I heard a male voice scream.
"Oh my goodness," my mother shouted, followed by a series of startled screams.
My stomach did backflips! Who the hell is that out there? I had to think to myself. My mind was racing and I started to panic. The screaming and commotion would not stop in the living room. Just at the very moment I heard the side door that led out of the kitchen slam nearly a million times.
I got off of my bed, and cracked open my door to peek out. Should I lock the bedroom door so whoever it is won't open it? No Bri. No! Should I go get daddy's gun out the top closet? Nooooo Bri! I continuously thought and so much raced my mind. I stayed still, peeking out of my bedroom door down the long hallway. The guy was pointing a gun, daring my family to say something
I heard the male talking to my mother and the rest of my family. I really thought to myself. Now what burglar explains why he is breaking into someone's house? The all of a sudden, I overheard what he was really saying.
"Rick owes me and this is what he gave me and I'm finna take it!" he stated.
Rick? Rick, my father? What could he possibly owe you?
"No! No. No!" my mother said, while shaking her head as if she was trying not to believe it. "I don't believe this! What exactly does he owe you?" asked my mother.
"Drug money," he replied.
"What!? Are you serious?"
"Hell yeahh. This ain't no damn joke, lady. Now like I said, all 'yall, get out!"
My mother was too shell-shocked to say a thing. All she was stared with an expressionless, blank face. Then she replied.
"You are not about to put me and my daughter out of our house." Damnn mama! Why you had to bring me in this? I thought.
"Aite, if that's how 'yall want it. Since you don't want to leave, I will put 'yall out. Aye yo Tre, Kev, and Ced, I need some assistance." Just then, three other dudes walked in, each carrying a loaded hand gun.
"Oh, hell naww!" my sister exclaimed, "I'm calling the police." When she reached to pick up the phone on the desk by the kitchen, one of the guys snatched it away from her and put the gun to her head.
"I suggest you calm the hell down, if your crazy ass wanna live!" he screamed in her face.
Just then the commotion started up again and the guys started pointing guns at nearly everyone, ready to fire. I shut the door, nervous, not wanting to see a thing. I did not want to end up in court testifying against a bunch of gang bangers that were crazy hood niggas and would kill you on spot if you did anything to disrespect them.
I heard my mom screaming for me. She told the guys she couldn't stay there and risk her life, especially when they gave her a choice to leave. I know it hurt her to be forced out of her house. I heard footsteps coming down the hallway to my room.
I cracked open my window to make it look like I escaped, then got under my bed and hid. I was not about to leave my house for anyone. When the door opened, I saw my mom's black flats walking my bedroom floor.
"Bri?" She continuously called out my name. I saw her walk to the window. She called for me outside, trying to see if I was somewhere nearby. She cut my room lights off, and shut my door, figuring I took off already.
I got from under my bed and took my place by the door of my room, where I previously was.
"She's gone," my mom said, in a straight up manner. "Maybe she escaped."
"Alright, we will contact her later. Let's go, Jan."
I shut the door as I saw my mom run back down the hallway to her room. When she walked back out, I cracked the door back open, and I saw her leaving with a bag of clothes and other necessities. She was always packed for emergencies.
While my mom and the rest of my family were quickly making their exit out of the house, the guys were escorting them. I heard the door open and slam. I shut my door and walked over to the window that wasn't opened and peeked out of the blinds. I saw the car doors open and my family leaving me behind. This was the boldest move I've ever made in my life. I couldn't leave this house behind. This was my home. My family finally drove off, driving away down the long road. Tears came to my eyes, but I held them in. I knew I was a stronger person than that.
What in the hell just happened? I thought to myself. I came back to reality, knowing I was just in a daze, still trying to take everything in. I saw the three guys of the guys leave in their cars. The other guy, who was the main one out of all of them to put my mom out of her house, stayed behind. When the other guys drove off, he walked back into the house.
He came back down the hallway and went into my parent's room. I heard him roaming around and going through their things. Wait. Was he really trying to rob us? Oh, hell no! I'm 'bout to get out of here!
I silently opened my door and peeked out and saw his shadow reflection going into the bathroom of my parent's room. Now is my chance to escape, I thought, I can come back and get my stuff when he leaves. My plan was to go to my neighbor's house to hide out.
I tiptoed down the hallway, trying my hardest to stay as quiet as I possibly could. Before I reached the kitchen, I saw something standing at the end of the hallway, eyes all on me. Damn, my life is over and done!
"Hold the hell up! Get back here!"
I wanted to leave. I knew he wouldn't let me. The front door was closer than the backdoor of the kitchen. Should I make a run for it? Where do I go? What is he going to do?
Just then, I started for the front door. Before my hand could make it on the handle, I felt something snatch me back and I ended up being swung to the couch. Shit! How in the hell did he do that?
He stood over me as I laid over the couch, motionless. I barely missed the couch, my entire body nearly swung to the wall. Is he still armed? God, I hoped not? I had to fight back. He was not going to do me like this. I lifted my foot, aiming for his "private." With the force of my foot, I kicked, with all the weight I had in me.
"Ahh, shit!" he exclaimed. He crouched down, trying to get himself together. "Girl, what the fuck is wrong with you. You must be crazy like yo' damn daddy, huh?"
"I'm not crazy! If you won't dumb enough to put your hands on me, I wouldn't have thought about trying to take all the feeling you had out of your shit. I should cut the shit off just for you thinking you can come up in my house, remove my family, and run shit like you think you somebody. Well nigga let me be the first to tell you, I'm not scared of your ass, and you ain't forcing me out my house, so don't even try it!"
He took one good look at me like I said something he had to process. Had I cross the line?
I waited for him to respond, but instead he still looked at me as if I said something he never heard before. "Do you need me to restate that for you? I said…"
Right in mid-sentence, he snatched me up by my neck and dragged me in the back. I started to think of why he would be dragging me back here. I thought about his gun being back there, knowing he had it waiting, just for me. How in the hell could some shit like this happen on my birthday? Was I going to end up dying on the same day I was born.
When we got to the back, he had the gun sitting on the bed just like I thought. He picked up his gun and threw me on the bed. He held me down and placed the gun to my head. I began to grow tears in my eyes, really letting them go now. I had a big lump form in my throat and manage to take on large swallow.
"Unzip your pants!" he ordered me. Oh my god! Help me, please! I never thought this could happen to me!
I did as he said slowly, knowing that there was a gun in his hand. I kept my eyes close, not wanting to witness what was about to happen to me. Right after I pulled everything down, pants and panties, I felt my legs being spread. I began to feel sick. My stomach was scrunching up. This was it, I thought to myself.
I felt the tip something big and hard being shoved inside of me. I tried to stay perfectly still and calm. But before I knew it, I heard a gun being cocked right below me.
Just then, I had no choice on what to do. I couldn't help but shut my eyes harder and feel myself trying to breath, but not being able to feel a thing, even air entering my body or lungs. All I could do was lay there and take the pain that would soon come to me even if that was the most painful thing anyone could ever do to me.