10. GOODBYES AND HELLOS

When our kiss ended, I put my cheek against Ryan’s chest again, and he held me tighter. We just stood there like that for a while, absorbing the absolute rightness of the moment.

BBZZZZZZZZ. BBZZZZZZZZ. I jumped as my phone started vibrating. Talk about ruining a moment. I reached into my pocket and pulled it out. I looked at the caller ID. Laina. I guess it was passing time. I sighed and answered, then pressed the phone to my ear.

“EMMA!” she shouted. She seemed confused, worried, and irritated all at the same time. I grimaced and held the phone a few inches away. “Emma, what the hell happened?!” she continued shouting. I tried to speak, but she interrupted. “Emma, you—you just ran out! Did you get sick? Are you okay? Give me some information, here!”

“Laina, calm down,” I demanded. She shut up. “I’m fine. Yeah, I just got sick. I guess it was something I ate,” I lied.

“But you didn’t eat anything at lunch,” she argued.

Crap. She was right. “Uh,” I began, worried. “I guess it was what I ate for breakfast or something. I don’t know. I guess it finally caught up with me.”

“Oh,” she sighed. “So you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I assured her. More than fine. I was wrapped in the arms of my dream guy. I was definitely more than fine.

“Well, okay. I just wanted to make sure. I guess I don’t blame you. That cabbage smelled disgusting,” she noted.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Hey, look, I’m really sorry I chose chem. to puke. I felt bad abandoning you like that,” I apologized, not even lying.

“Aw, that’s okay,” she said. “It wasn’t that hard doing it by myself.

“Hey,” she began, changing the subject in an instant. “Are you still going to come after school and tell us that thing?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I sighed.

“Okay. Good. Well, I gotta go, Em.”

“Okay. See ya later.”

I sighed and checked the time, before flipping the phone shut and stuffing it back into my pocket.

“What time is it?” Ryan asked.

“One fifty-eight,” I answered.

He sighed and began pulling his arms off me. I panicked. I wasn’t ready to let go yet. I held tighter to his waist. He let out a heavy gust of air as he put his right hand under my chin and tilted my head up. He kissed me gently on the lips before trying to escape again. I continued to hold tighter.

“Emma,” he pleaded, softly, putting his hands on my arms that were still tightly wrapped around his waist. “I have to go.”

NO! “Why?” I asked, a feeling of abandonment creeping over me.

“I told you. I have to get back to Arborson in due time, or I might cause suspicion.”

“Couldn’t you just say you got stuck in traffic, or something?” I pleaded.

He smiled slightly, but said, “That wouldn’t work. I’m not driving there.”

“Then how are you going to get back?” I asked, curious and confused.

“Silly Emma,” he chuckled. “I’m going to walk there.”

“What?” I asked, shocked. What did he mean he was going to walk there?

“Well, I’ll probably run most of the way, actually. But, you get the point,” he said, nonchalantly.

“How are you going to run there?” I asked, still perplexed. “Arborson isn’t even in Gunnison.”

“Emma, you know what I told you about the strength?”

I nodded.

“Extraordinary strength means extraordinary endurance, as well. And dexterity, and speed,” he concluded.

Suddenly, several very obvious things clicked into place. Endurance—when he said he hadn’t driven in a while (probably because he had run to Gunnison from Arborson, just like he was going to be running back to Arborson). Dexterity—all the times he had caught me in the nick of time. Speed—whenever he disappeared in the blink of an eye, like when he climbed down the tree.

“Oh, that makes sense, I guess,” I admitted.

Ryan smiled hesitantly and gently squeezed me arms. He gazed into my eyes, a pleading look in his own. “I have to go,” he said again. I sighed and unwillingly unwrapped my arms from around his waist. He took his off my shoulders and grabbed my hands, pulling me toward the window. He brought my hands to his lips and lightly kissed each one.

“I’ll see you soon. Don’t worry,” Ryan assured me.

“I know,” I mumbled, defeated.

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. I inhaled his perfume, taking in the moment. He let go of me, turned around and began to open the window. That’s when fantasy stopped and reality kicked in.

“Uh, Ryan,” I said hesitantly, not wanting to sound like an idiot.

“Yes?” He turned around.

“You know you can use the front door if you want,” I informed him.

His face fell and I imagined that—with the look he had on his face—if he’d had blood in his cheeks, he would have been blushing. I guess I wasn’t going to be the one to feel like an idiot.

“Right,” he muttered, and closed the window, then turned around and walked toward the door.

“Ryan?” I called, before he left the room.

He stopped and turned around to face me. “Hm?”

I knew it was a ridiculous thing to say, but I couldn’t help myself. “Be careful.”

His expression softened as he saw the worried look on my face. “I will,” he murmured. Then, turning around, he said, “I’ll see you soon, Emma.”

“See you,” I muttered, feeling defeated.

As soon as I heard the front door click quietly shut downstairs, I sat down on my bed, kind of in an unthinking daze. I didn’t want to think about not seeing Ryan at all for the rest of the day, and probably not at all tomorrow. I was pretty sure he’d find me at Arborson eventually, but I wasn’t sure when he would think it safe to see me. No one at Arborson could know about what was going on between Ryan and me, so I wondered how long he would wait before tracking me down. I hoped he wouldn’t wait too long. What if he thought it would be best for us not to see each other for two months, like we were supposed to? I didn’t think I’d be able to live through that. I was so attached to Ryan, only after about a week. I felt lonely without him. And, honestly, that scared me a little; I was scared at how fast and hard I was falling for him. I knew it couldn’t be normal. I barely knew the guy and I trusted him with my life. I felt like we had a special connection—but one, all the same, that I did not want to look further into. I knew there was a possibility—a very strong one, at that—of the connection having to do with the creator-created thing, but I really wasn’t sure that was entirely it.

I lied down on my bed, with my legs hanging over the side, thinking. I thought about what Arborson would be like, mostly. I wondered about the professors, the classes, the other students. And, sometime during my internal ramblings, I fell asleep.

* * *

BBZZZZZZZZ. BBZZZZZZZZ. BBZZZZZZZZ. I woke in a panic, reaching frantically for my pocket, to answer my phone. It vibrated once more in my hand before I flipped it open, not bothering to check the caller ID.

“Hello?” I muttered, my voice thick with sleep.

“Emma?” It was Jay.

“Mmm?”

“Emma, are you coming, or what?” he asked, sounding irritated.

“What?” I asked, flustered. “What time is it?”

“It’s three ten,” he informed me, sounding annoyed.

“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed. “I’m so sorry. I fell asleep!” I apologized.

“It’s fine. Just get here soon. We’ll be waiting.” And with that, the line cut off.

“See ya,” I mumbled into the silent phone.

I sat up quickly in my eagerness to get to school. I really didn’t want my friends to be mad at me this early on in the game. If they knew what I was going to tell them, they wouldn’t want to be wasting their energy being mad at me for being late.

I hobbled out of my room, down the stairs, gripping the railing for support—I was still a little groggy from my nap. When I got to the door, I grabbed my keys and flung it open. A cold blast of wind greeted me. I tried to ignore it as I walked down the driveway, careful to keep my balance. All I needed right now was a concussion. When I finally got to my car, I hopped in, shoved the key into the ignition, and started it up. I put it in drive and pulled away from the curb, heading for Gunnison High.

When I got there, I parked near the art building. I ran in and got my work from Miss Cassatt (luckily she was still in there and had stacked my work in a neat little pile for me). I thanked her and she wished me luck at my new school. I ran out of the art hall and set my drawings in the backseat of my car. Then I hopped in the driver’s seat and sped off toward the front of the building. I’d asked my friends to meet me at the front steps leading into the main office. As I drove up I saw them by the steps, all sitting except for Jay. I quickly parked and jumped out of my car.

Okay, I told myself. Calm down. You’re here now. You can take your time. I was scared of telling Jay, Laina, Jessi, and Kelley that I was leaving, but at the same time, just anxious to get it over with. Probably part of the reason why I was so scared, was because I didn’t have a clue how they would react. Sure, they were my friends, but I didn’t know if they’d be angry or upset.

When I reached them, they all stared at me.

“Talk,” Jay said. He obviously knew this was going to be something major, and—by the looks on everyone else’s faces—had told the rest of them his theory.

“W-Well, u-um,” I stuttered. They waited.

“You see, I uh…” This was going to be harder than I thought.

“I um, uh, well…” Just spit it out! I internally yelled at myself. I looked down, letting my hair fall over my face, and squeezed my eyes shut. “I’m leaving,” I choked out. I immediately hunched my shoulders, preparing for the blow, as if they were going to physically hurt me. They were dead silent.

After a few seconds of impenetrable silence, I thought maybe it would be safe to look up. I tried to relax my stance, as I slowly opened my eyes and looked up at their faces. The expressions on their faces ranged from shock (Jay) to hurt (Laina) to disbelief (Kelley) to abandonment (Jessi). I wondered what showed on my face. The look and feeling of fear was slowly fading, as I registered their expressions.

“Are you joking?” Kelley finally asked, breaking the silence.

“I wish I was,” I replied. Then the most irrational thought in the world popped into my head. No I don’t. I was suddenly terrified. What was I thinking? Was I glad this was happening? Was I glad I was turning into a Vampire? Was I glad that my brother turned into a fallen angel? Was I glad that I’d be fighting him to the death in a year’s time? No, I argued with myself. But, secretly, I think I was—to a very fine point. It was irrational and stupid, but, if none of this had happened, I wouldn’t know Ryan. I cringed away from that thought, banishing it from my mind. How could you think like that? I asked myself, disgusted.

“So, what do you mean?” asked Laina. “Are you, like, moving?”

“Well, no,” I said. A look of confusion crossed her face. “I’m transferring schools.”

“What?!” Jessi exclaimed. “Why?!”

“I don’t have a choice,” I explained. “My dad’s making me.”

“The hell with your dad!” Kelley yelled. “Emma, you CAN’T leave!”

“I have to,” I said, my voice rising in pitch a little. “I told you! I don’t have a choice!”

“You always have a choice, Emma,” Jay said softly, speaking up for the first time. He had been uncharacteristically quiet throughout the conversation—until now.

“But I don’t,” I said quietly, back. “You don’t understand. My dad thinks this is a good opportunity for me, and, well, I agree,” I finished.

“Why do you agree, Emma?” Jessi asked.

“Well, to be frank, it’s a good school. I’ll have a lot of opportunities if I go. It’s kind of like an early college, I guess—only more.”

“How is it more?” Laina asked, anger and confusion dripping from her tongue.

“It just is,” I snapped. They all cringed. I sighed. “I’m sorry,” I apologized. They didn’t move. This wasn’t fair! This was hard enough for me to do without them making me feel guilty. “Guys, look,” I began. “I don’t have a choice, here. The decision’s already been made. There’s no turning back.”

Jay was the first one to speak. “We’ll still be able to talk to you and stuff, right?”

“Of course,” I said. “You can call me anytime you want. The only thing that’ll be different, really, is that I won’t be at school with you guys.”

“So we’ll still be able to hang out and stuff,” Laina said.

“Well, no,” I told her. The school I’m going to is a boarding school. So, I won’t be back.” Their faces fell back into swirling masks of sadness and rage.

“I mean, I’ll be back next year. But, other than that…” I trailed off.

“So we won’t see you for a year?” Jessi asked.

“I don’t think so,” I said. They all sighed.

“But we’re graduating this year. And I’m going to college in Denver this fall,” Jay said.

“Yeah, exactly,” Jessi said, agreeing with jay. “So, when are we going to see you?”

“We’ll make time,” I told her. “We can’t stop being friends just because we’re all going off to college.”

We sighed.

“When are you leaving?” Kelley asked.

“Tomorrow morning,” I answered reluctantly.

“Well then, I guess this is goodbye,” Jay said.

“I guess so,” I said, tears starting to form.

Jay stepped forward and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. That’s when the levies broke. The tears cascaded down my cheeks, mixing in Jay’s long, gelled, sandy-blonde hair. I squeezed him tightly. I would definitely miss Jay the most. When he let go, he looked at me and, wiping his eyes, said, “Girl, what are we crying for? This isn’t goodbye for good.” Way to go Jay, I thought sarcastically. Be all optimistic on me. Little did he know, this very well could be goodbye for good.

“Love you, Em,” he said.

I smiled. He stepped back and Laina stepped up. She hugged me and whispered, “I’m going to miss you, Emma. Love you.”

“Me too,” I said. Then she stepped back and Kelley stepped up.

She wrapped her arms around me and said, “I’ll miss you, Ems.”

“I’ll miss you too,” I said. Kelley stepped back and Jessi stepped up.

“Thanks for leaving me alone with these sledding nuts,” she joked, as she embraced me.

I laughed a little. “Sorry,” I said.

“I’ll miss you Emma.”

“I’ll miss you too, Jess.” When she stepped back, we all looked at each other with tear-stained faces.

Laina’s face suddenly lit up. “Can we do something tonight?” she asked.

I didn’t know if I should lie and make up an excuse, or not. I really wanted to spend some time with them all before I had to leave.

“Sure. What should we do?” I asked.

Everybody smiled. “I don’t care,” said Laina. “I thought maybe we could just all hang out.” Everybody nodded their heads in agreement.

“You guys can all come over to my house,” I volunteered.

“That’d be great, Emma,” Jay said, enthusiastic. “Since we won’t be able to hang out there for a while; it can kind of be a farewell party—to you, and to your house.”

I laughed and so did everyone else.

“Okay then,” I said. “Whenever you guys want to come over, you can.”

“Can we come over now?” Kelley asked.

“Sure, that’d be great,” I agreed.

“Well, actually, Jessi and I took the bus this morning,” Kelley explained. “Could someone kindly offer us rides?” she asked, overly sweet.

“Yeah, I can,” Jay offered. I was glad to see that everyone was in a good mood again.

“Okay,” I said. “See ya in a few.” Then I turned around and walked back to my car. I hopped in and started it up. Jay and Laina had both parked their cars near the office, too. I watched Jay, Kelley, and Jessi get into Jay’s white 1990 Chrysler convertible. That car was seriously his love and joy in the world. Sure, he was gay, but he could still appreciate a great car. Laina got into her dark blue, 1994 VW Bug. I pulled out first, and they followed.

When I got home, I parked my car in its usual spot. Jay parked against the curb on the other side of the driveway and Laina backed in in front of me. I grabbed my sketches. We all got out and slammed the doors shut.

“Hey, watch it!” Jay chastised Kelley after she slammed the door of his “baby”.

“Sorry. Did I dent the Bat Mobile?” Kelley teased.

Jay gave her the evil eye. Everyone laughed. We walked up the driveway and I opened the door. Everyone went running in, laughing and teasing raucously. I laughed too, and chased them up the stairs. They ran into my room and I burst in soon after. My heart stopped when I saw a piece of folded loose-leaf paper on the bed. Laina and Kelley had jumped onto the bed and were lying there, laughing and out of breath. Jay was standing at the end, smirking. Jessi had plopped onto the floor under Ryan’s window. I set my sketches on top of the luggage, then jumped onto the bed with Kelley and Laina, near the top, laughing and smiling. I inconspicuously grabbed the piece of paper that was near my pillow and crunched it up in my hand. I rolled over and stuffed it in my pocket.

Laina, Kelley, and I laid on the bed for a few seconds, calming our breathing. When everyone was somewhat calm again, I asked, “So, what do you guys want to do?”

We spent the next few hours just talking and laughing. We talked about random school stuff, and random stuff that’s happened over the years. Many wonderful and painful memories were brought up. Like, when we were sophomores, and we all climbed onto the roof of the school and dropped snowballs on anybody walking by down below.

“Oh my god!” Kelley exclaimed. “That was so much fun!”

We all laughed.

“Yeah,” Jessi said. “And no one ever found out it was us. That was a plus.”

We talked about the when Jay had gotten his first boyfriend.

“You guys all came over when he dumped me,” Jay said.

“And we stayed, like all night, and none of our parents even cared because you’re gay,” Laina said with a chuckle.

“I really appreciated it,” Jay said sweetly.

Finally, when it was time for them to leave, we all said our final goodbyes. I walked down to the curb with them. We hugged and cried, tears and emotions flying. I watched as Jay, Kelley, and Jessi got into Jay’s car and drove away, waving back at me, and then watched as Laina did the same thing.

I just stood there in front of the driveway for a few minutes, wondering if I’d ever see my best friends again. I hoped desperately that I would, but I had a sinking feeling in my gut that was telling me I wouldn’t.

* * *

That night, I skipped supper again, saying that I’d had a really big lunch. I was in my room, sitting on my bed, when I saw a spiral lying open on my desk. That made me remember the note. I frantically reached into my pocket and grabbed the scrunched up piece of paper. I hastily unfolded it.

Emma,

You should be arriving at Arborson at about one o’clock tomorrow, if all goes as scheduled. You will be shown to your dorm and be given a tour. The rest of your day will be busy and we won’t have a chance to meet until dark. Could you meet me under the eastern tower at eleven o’clock? That should prevent any interference with your schedule and should prevent anyone from seeing us, as well. If you absolutely cannot come, then don’t risk it. But I need to see think it would be best if we saw each other sooner, rather than later.

-Ryan

What was that part he had scribbled out? Need to see? Could he possibly have been going to write, “need to see you” as in me. Was he going to write that he needed to see me? That didn’t seem plausible. Nobody ever “needed” to see me. At least, not like that. Maybe he was going to write, “need to see if you’re okay.” That would’ve been more likely. But, then why would he have scribbled it out?

I sighed and set the note down on my desk. I smoothed it out and folded it neatly into four parts. I walked over and hauled my knick-knack suitcase onto my bed. I unzipped it and placed Ryan’s most recent note right on top. While I was at it, I grabbed my sketches and tossed them in there, too. I knew I’d definitely be seeing Ryan tomorrow—even if it did mean I would be seen. Just because he was able to scratch out his longing for me, there was no way I would ever be able to ignore my need for him.

I zipped my suitcase back up and plopped it down next to the other two. I walked over to my dresser and grabbed my pajamas. I undressed, and then put them on. I took the clothes I had worn today and walked them into the laundry room downstairs. I put them in the nearly full washer and started a load. I wanted to have all my clothes with me at Arborson. I closed the lid of the washer and walked out of the laundry room, where I nearly stepped on an orange fluff ball.

“Mleep!”

I sighed. “Oscar.”

“Meup!” He started rubbing against my legs.

“Alright, alright. I’m coming.”

I stepped over Oscar and walked into the kitchen. He followed me, his tummy swinging a little from side to side. He was seriously starting to get overweight. I’d have to ask my dad to play with him more while I was gone. I got him his supper, then walked back up the stairs to my room. I let myself fall onto the bed, exhausted. It wasn’t so much physical exhaustion, though. This whole day—from school, to Ryan leaving, to saying goodbye to my friends—had left me mentally exhausted. Though, I was a bit tired, perhaps from the Purging, or just the fact that exhaustion is a part of the changing process. But, hopefully that would all be over soon and life would go back to normal—well, as normal as it was going to get, anyway.

* * *

“Emma.”

I rolled over and groaned.

“Emma, it’s time to get up.”

I rolled onto my stomach and pulled my pillow over my head.

“Emma,” my dad said a little more sternly. “It’s Tuesday. You need to get up.”

What? It was Tuesday? But, I’d been laying in my bed, and, and… I guess I’d fallen asleep yesterday evening after I’d started the laundry. I removed the pillow from my head and mumbled, “What time is it?”

“It’s eight o’clock,” answered my dad. My mind started racing. That meant only two more hours until I’d be on my way to Arborson. Five more hours until I’d arrive there. And fifteen more hours until I’d see Ryan.

I rolled over and opened my eyes, facing my dad. “Thanks for waking me up. I forgot to set my alarm.”

“No problem,” he said. “What are dads for?”

I smiled a little and rolled out of bed. My dad watched me as I stumbled over to my dresser and picked up the final outfit I had lain out; black skinny jeans and a dark purple long sleeved tee with a swirly, black glitter design all over the front. I walked over to the door and stopped.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” I told my dad. “Thanks again for getting me up.”

“Emma, I’m your dad. It’s my job to get your lazy butt out of bed,” he teased.

I smiled, turned around and headed into the hallway.

“Oh, Ems,” my dad called.

“Hmm?” I turned around.

“I finished the laundry for you last night and put yours in your suitcase. You looked real tired, so I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh, thanks,” I said, a bit taken aback. He didn’t usually do that kind of thing for me.

“Don’t worry about it,” he muttered, seeming a little embarrassed.

I turned back around and headed for the bathroom. Before closing the door, I peeked out and saw my dad walking down the stairs. I closed the door and set my clothes on the counter. I turned the dial and hot, steamy water came bursting out. I needed a hot shower today. I had to clear my head and relax before I faced the rest of the day, and the steam would help me do that. I washed my hair, and the scent of lavender danced in the vapors surrounding me. I inhaled, letting the hot water relax my muscles and the lavender relax my mind. I tried not to think about anything at all, but of course, that was impossible. I realized I hadn’t packed any toiletries. I was sure the school would have some, or let us out, at least, to buy more once we ran out, but I made a mental note to go to the store after I finished my shower.

Calming myself as much as was possible under the circumstances, I turned the dial, and the stream of water slowly ceased, trickling to a stop. I stepped out and dried off. Then I put on my clothes and did my makeup—simple, as always. I noticed that my eyes were even greener than they’d been before. That has to be part of the transformation, I thought. Ryan’s eyes were jade green with a bronze ring around the outside and little metallic flecks throughout. My eyes had always been green, but now they were lighter, and they were getting little gold and copper spots in them. I also noticed an indistinct brown ring forming around the outer rims of my irises.

Once I finished with my makeup, I searched in the cabinet under the sink. I dug through towels and washcloths and finally came up with what I was searching for: a medium-sized, light-green bag. I grabbed the shampoo, body wash, and other shower things I was currently using, and stuffed them into it; there was still plenty of room left for the extras I would be getting at the store later.

I threw my pajamas down the laundry shoot, deciding that I didn’t need to take them, too; I had plenty of other pairs of pjs. I walked back into my room, drying my hair with a towel. Oscar was sitting on my bed. I got my cell phone off my bedside table, shoving it into my pocket, and grabbed my purse, before I went over and picked him up. He “meuped.” I draped the towel over my shoulder and left my room again, carrying Oscar into the hallway and down the stairs, into the kitchen. Was he getting lighter? He didn’t seem as heavy now. Hm. I set him down in front of his food dish and scooped him some breakfast, then got him some water, grabbed a granola bar for myself—keeping up the façade—,walked into the laundry room to put the towel in the wash, then went into the living room where my dad was sprawled across the couch, as usual.

“Dad, I’m going to the store to pick up a few things,” I informed him. “Aren’t you going to work?”

“I have to see you off, Emma,” he said.

“Oh, right.” I mentally gave myself a slap on the forehead. “Okay, well, I’ll be back in a few,” I said.

“Kay,” he muttered.

I grabbed my keys, headed out the door, down the driveway, and hopped into my Accord. I threw the granola bar in the back seat. When I went to put the key in the ignition, I noticed my hand was shaking a little. I guess I really was more nervous about leaving than I’d thought. I eventually got the key in the ignition and my car started up. I put it in reverse, pulling into the driveway, then put it in drive and turned left, in the direction of the store.

As I drove past the old theater, I remembered what had happened there; the first time, when Ryan and I had gotten into a fight, and then the second time, when I had brought Ryan there after finding him in my front lawn. Ryan and I had shared our first kiss in that theater. That was something I was sure I would never forget as long as I lived. It had been so wonderful, so passionate, so gentle—and so forbidden. I hoped I would be able to go there again. I really liked it at the theater, especially now; I almost thought of it as mine and Ryan’s secret place—a place of our own where no one would know about us and our secrets. It was a safe place.

I pulled into the store parking lot. I snagged a parking space close to the front and got out. Most of the parking lot was empty. It was eight forty on a Tuesday morning; most people were at work or school already. School. Jay, Laina, Jessi, and Kelley were in class right now, and I wasn’t. Admittedly, I almost wished I was. If I was in class right now, then none of this would be happening; I wouldn’t be at the store getting extra shampoo, I wouldn’t be changing into a creature of myths and legends, I wouldn’t be getting ready to head off to a Vampire training academy where I was going to learn how to kill my own brother. But you wouldn’t know Ryan, I argued with myself. That was true. Whenever I thought about my current situation, I couldn’t help but be the teeniest bit grateful. I wondered if, given the opportunity, I would trade all this back and just have my life be normal again. I liked to think I would. But I couldn’t help but feel a pain in knowing that, were that the case, I wouldn’t know Ryan. It scared me that I seemed willing to trade in my life to be with him. It scared the hell out of me. Because it shouldn’t have been that way.

I suddenly started breathing harder, panicking. How could you think that!? I asked myself. I wasn’t sure. Why was I willing to trade in my life, maybe my brother’s life, for a guy I barely knew?

Get a hold of yourself, Emma. “Okay,” I breathed. “Chill out.” I jogged the rest of the distance, eager to get into the warm, comforting grocery store. I tried to calm my breathing as I grabbed a basket and headed toward the back, where the toiletries were. I stocked up on my lavender shampoo, body wash, soap, face wash, shave gel, razors, Chap Stick, and deodorant. I also got anything else I might possibly need in a year’s time. I wasn’t sure how many extras the school would have, so I didn’t take any chances. I picked up anything and everything.

The cashier, a middle-aged woman with a few premature gray strands in her hair, looked at me funny as she rang up my items. I tried to ignore her. I paid and she handed me my bag of goods. I rushed out of the store and back to my car. I threw the products into the passenger’s seat and jammed my key into the ignition. I backed out of my parking space and sped out of the parking lot, heading for home. I realized that this might be the last time I drove this car. I checked the time on the dash. It was only about nine o’clock. I still had time. I slowed down and tried to enjoy the ride, even though I was still feeling jittery.

When I saw my house approaching, I reluctantly parked near the curb, letting my car idle for a little bit before pulling the key out of the ignition, maybe for good. When I decided it was time to go in, I slowly turned the key and pulled it out. I sighed and grabbed my bag of toiletries, getting out of my car, slamming the door like always, and headed up the driveway.

When I got inside, I tossed my keys on the table by the door and headed for the stairs.

“Did you find everything you needed?” my dad asked.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, and walked away, up the stairs and into the bathroom. I set the grocery bag down on the counter and opened up the green cloth bag that I’d already put some of my stuff in. I put the entire contents of the grocery bag into the green one; luckily it all fit. When I finished that, I put the grocery bag in the trash and brought the travel bag into my room, where I set it among my other luggage.

I sat on my bed, taking in the essence of my room. I soaked up all the memories and nostalgia, before deciding it was probably time to start taking the luggage downstairs. I first grabbed the largest suitcase that held most of my clothes and dragged it down the stairs. I guess my dad heard me clunking away because he ran to me and took it from me, carrying it the rest of the way down. He set it in the entryway between the living room and the kitchen, near the door. I went back upstairs and grabbed the green toiletries bag and the smaller suitcase with the rest of my clothes. When I got those down the stairs, I put them next to the large suitcase. Finally, I went back and grabbed my knick-knack suitcase. Next to the largest one, the miscellaneous suitcase was probably the heaviest. When I got downstairs, my dad was zipping up the largest suitcase.

“Oh, I put your snow boots in there. Don’t worry, I put them in a plastic bag so everything else won’t get dirty.”

“Thanks, Dad. I totally forgot.”

“Sure thing, kiddo.”

I sighed and put the final suitcase next to the others. I looked at the clock on the wall, and my breath caught in my throat, my heart accelerated. Nine thirty-two. It was almost time. I went into the living room and sat down on the couch, near the edge. I wrung my hands and fidgeted, trying to focus on the TV screen. My dad sat down beside me.

“Nervous much?” he asked.

I nodded and sighed. Had I been holding my breath?

“It’ll be fine, Emma. You’ll do great.”

I just nodded again, unable to summon my voice. I linked my fingers tightly together and rocked back and forth a little. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Emma,” my dad said. “It’s okay to be nervous about going to a new school.” He squeezed my shoulder. “But don’t worry too much, okay? I know you’ll be perfectly fine.”

I sighed again and looked over at him. “Thanks, Dad. I know everything will be okay. I’m just nervous, and a little excited, that’s all.” Nervous and scared silly was more like it.

My dad squeezed my shoulder again, then placed his hand on his lap. He trained his eyes on the TV. I tried my best to relax for the next twenty minutes, which, after about five, I found nearly impossible to do for more than a few seconds at a time.

Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, I heard the engine of a large vehicle rumbling outside. I heard breaks squeal to a stop in front of my house. I froze. My dad stood up and offered me a hand. I was hesitant to take it. I felt safe and secure in my tight little ball; if I took his hand and let him pull me out the front door, I would never be coming back. My breathing approached hyperventilation as that fact registered.

Oh god, oh god. Oh no, what was I getting myself into?

My dad reached down and pulled on my arm, not giving me a choice, either way, whether or not I wanted to get off the couch. He pulled me over to the door and, keeping a close eye on me, opened it. Then he let go of me and grabbed my large suitcase and my bag of toiletries. My fingers trembling, I grabbed the other two.

When we got outside, we were immediately greeted by a tall, fair-skinned, red haired woman. She was wearing a light gray skirt suit with a light blue button up silk turtleneck underneath. Her fiery, blood red hair was pulled back into a tight bun. She looked to be in her early to mid-thirties. She had an authoritative essence, and was very beautiful.

She reached out her hand to me and said in a smooth, regal voice, “Miss Emma Garett. My name is Rosella Lunding. I am the Headmistress of Arborson Academy. I am so glad you’ve decided to join us at Arborson this year.” I timidly took her hand and she shook mine with a firm, confident grip that stopped it from shaking. I thought I saw a twinkle in her bright green eye before she turned to my dad and held out her hand to him. “Mr. Garett,” she greeted him. He took her hand, seeming a bit shocked. “Rosella Lunding, Headmistress. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Y-You too,” my dad stuttered.

“Emma, you and your father can bring you bags around here and put them in the storage spaces under the bus.” She led us the large black and green charter bus where an underneath compartment had been opened. My dad helped me haul my luggage into it. Rosella Lunding shut the compartment then turned around and faced us. “You may say your goodbyes,” she informed us. “Very nice meeting you, Mr. Garett,” she concluded as she turned around and stepped back on to the bus.

My dad and I faced each other. Tears started pooling in my eyes. What if this was the last time I saw my dad? I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, squeezing as tightly as I could. He hugged me back.

“Hey, Em,” he began as he released me. “It’s not like this is goodbye forever.” Oh, god, what if it was?

“Yeah, maybe not.” I said shakily. We looked at each other for a moment.

“Of course not,” he said. “We’ll see each other again.” He cleared his throat. “You’d better get going.”

“Okay.” I had a hard time containing the tears now, and they started pouring out. But I knew I had to control them. In reality, I wanted to curl up on my dad’s lap like I had when I was little and cry until my body was dry, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I had to be strong. I had to keep going; no turning back. Not now.

He hugged me tightly again before stepping back a little. I reluctantly walked towards the steps that led onto the bus. I stepped onto the first one, and turned around. My dad was watching me, a single tear dripping down his cheek.

“Love you, Ems,” he said.

“I love you too, Dad,” I said, choking up even more. I took a step up.

“Have fun. Don’t forget to call your old man,” he reminded me.

“I won’t,” I promised, wiping my hand across my wet face.

“Goodbye sweetheart.”

“Bye Dad. I love you.” I sniffed and stepped onto the last step leading into the bus. With that, the doors shut and I stepped into the aisle. The headmistress was sitting in the seat behind the bus driver. I walked to the back, choosing the very last seat, wanting absolutely no social contact. Most of the bus was full. I sat down. There was a boy in front of me, though, with spiky black hair who, thankfully, didn’t say anything. I took my purse off my shoulder. I pulled out my iPod and pushed the earphones into my ears, turning the volume up full blast. I tried not to think about where I was heading. I tried not to think about what was to come.

The bus lurched underneath me and pulled away from the curb, pulling me along with it, away from my home, my dad, and my life as I once knew it.