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How Do I Live? (ReWrite)

Novel By: ConcreteAngel
Young adult

The death of the love of her life sends Trinity Michaels into a downward spiral of depression. A seventeen year old, high school senior just trying with all her might to get over the death of her one true love. Family and friends surround her but nothing seems capable of helping her with her pain. A new love interest comes into her life. Will he be able to pull her out of the black hole of misery? Or will another tragedy push Trinity over the edge?

I dedicate this novel to Cayte Dawson (aka texasbroncrider) for without her I would never have finished the rough draft of it. Her long, thought filled comments always made my day and encouraged me to keep going with this novel. She is my most dedicated "How Do I Live?" fan and I can't thank her enough.

And a special thanks to the others that stuck with me through the rough draft. You are all greatly appreciated. Kristal (miss ya girl, you need to come back)

"life is about trusting our feelings and taking chances, losing and finding happiness, appreciating the memories and learning from the past." View table of contents...



Submitted:Sep 8, 2009    Reads: 172    Comments: 9    Likes: 4   


How do I..get through one night without you? If I had to live without you. What kind of life would that be? And I...."

Gasping suddenly,I felt the all to familiar stabbing pain. It felt as if someone had opened up my chest, and was now scraping the tip of a knife against my barely beating heart.

I struck out a shaky hand and hurriedly turned the radio off. Taking deep breaths to try and calm the memories the song had stirred up. I bit down hard on my lip, and clutched at my chest trying my hardest to keep my thoughts at bay.

I could feel my mom's questioning gaze on me and wouldn't turn to face her. Instead I faced the window and focused on not crying.

"Trinity sweetheart, are you ok?" I heard the caring and concern in her voice, but couldn't do anything but give a little nod of my head. I knew that she would understand. Would know that for some reason the pain was still very fresh. She wouldn't push me.

"Trinerie why did you turn off the song? screeched Harper, the boy part of the four year old twins in the back seat.

"Shut up Harpie," screeched Tara. "Don't you know nothing? Trinie misses Jordin."

"Where Jordin?" Harper questioned, unknowing to the fact that he was causing my pain to flare up horribly.

(End of Flashback)

"Miss Michaels?......Miss Michaels?...Earth to Miss Michaels..."

I jumped in surprise. Just becoming aware of my name being called. I blinked a few times and looked around through cloudy eyes. A small sea of people were staring back at me. Some looking slightly amused, others more concerned. I then looked to the front of the class and stared into the questioning eyes of my English teacher, Mr. Connor.

He smiled at me and then asked a very confusing question. "Are we auditioning for the talent show early this year?"

Cockingmy head to the side,I furrowedmy brows in confusion. "N-no sir, why would you ask that?"

"How Do I Live?, sounds good with your voice. Nice choice for the show," he continued, seemingly oblivious to my total confusion.

Feeling a small prod on my should I turned and looking into the big, brown eyes of my best friend Kendra. She held an apologetic look for a reason I didn't know. "You were singing outload T," she explained to me.

I could feel the gnawing pain starting up again and instinctively and unthinkingly my hand flew to my throat. I clutched around frantically, giving a small cry of agony when my hands came up empty. The cold chain that held so much comfort for me was no where to be found. I could feel the tears building up in my eyes and knew that the flood wouldn't hold off much longer.

I spun back around to face Mr. Connor who had patiently waited. "M-Mr. C-c-con-nor can I-I-I please go to the b-ath-th-room?" I gasped, my voice breaking terribly.

His usually humor filled gaze became concerned and he nodded quickly. "Of course Miss Michaels."


I gazed into the gorgeous blue-gray eyes of my 6'3 boyfriend Jordin Ray Keys as I sat on his tailgate. He stood in front of me, and extended his hand holding a small, black box out. I took the box slowly as he watched me, a small smile playing along his pouty lips. I untied the ribbon and opened the box, gasping at what I seen. A beautiful silver necklace lay there. I pulled it out, setting the box to the side, and noticed it had a locket in the shape of a heart on it. Engraved in it was 'J&T forever'. A tear slid down my cheek as I looked up at Jordin "Omg baby its so beautiful, I love it."

A grin spread across the sweet face of Jordin and he leaned in, gently wiping the tear away as he cupped my face in his strong hands. "Open the locket sweetie," he whispered planting a soft heart stopping kiss onmy lips.

I nodded and opened the locket smiling down at the picture inside. It was of course of Jordin and myself. I remembered the day perfectly. We had been sitting at lunch, outside on a bench surrounded by friends. I had been sitting in his lap when Kendra had called out in a sing-song voice, "JORTRIN." We had both looked over at Kendra and she had hurriedly snapped a picture.

Jordins sexy, deep voice cut into my thoughts "Do you like it? Are you gonna stare at it forever, or can I place it around that yummy neck of yours now?"

Grinning I stood up and turned my back to him as I lifted my long, light brown hair off my shoulders, and handed him the necklace. "I absolutely love it dah-ling."

He smiled taking the necklace and putting it into place on my slender neck. I let my hair fall back down my back and giggled as he wrapped his perfect arms around my waist, and pulled me close to his muscled chest. He then kissed my neck, sending shivers down my spine as he whispered "Happy 7 month anniversary baby I love you always and forever."

(End of Flashback)

Grasping each side of a sink,I leanedon it for support as I gazed into the mirror. Even I could see the unbearable pain that clouded my big, green eyes. I groaned as I lightly ran a hand over the more noticable bags forming beneath my eyes. How could anyone stand to look at me anymore? I looked about as pathetic and broken as they came.

I sniffled and rubbed drearily at my eyes. I was so emotionally drained and now I couldn't stop the memories. The song replayed over and over in my head. The time I received the necklace haunted my visions. I gazed intently into the mirror and for a moment I seen him.

The blurry outline, of the boy who had stolen my heart. He was right there in touching distance. I smiled forlornly and turned on my heel, feeling for that one moment that he would be standing behind me. Waiting to embrace me and tell me everything would be ok.

But he wasn't there. The knife was scraping along my heart again as I spun back around to face the mirror. He was there, smiling that metal filled smile. It made me smile, as it always had. Without knowing what I was doing. Without thinking about the pain I would soon inflict upon myself. Without thinking anything, but wanting to feel his touch. I reached forward and ran my hand along the cool glass infront of me. I traced the outline of his face and for a moment imagined that I could feel the light stubble lining his chin. I could feel the softness of his hair, the warmth of his embrace, the muscles of his arms.

But then it was gone. As quickly as it had came. The feelings were washed away and his image had disappeared. I was left alone with only the memories of what was. I found myself once more clutching at my neck. Coming up empty again as I sank to the floor, curled into a ball and allowed the racking sobs to rumble through my body.

AN-Sorry for the lack of italics..booksie messed this up majorly when I tried to post it. So I had to just do away with italics.


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