Before My Death.....
It took me six months to complete my suicide. I had tried for so long to kill myself. But the blood in my body kept me going. No matter what I did. I failed. Cutting my wrist, Never worked. Hanging, Suffocation, Bullet in the chest, None of it worked. Somehow the hospital always saved me. But finally I was able to succeed in my plans and take my life with no regrets. The events that led up to my death was a critical one.
I was thirteen when I fell in love with Damien Clark. He was tall, handsome, and a total bad ass. But I quickly realized to much of a bad ass. He cheated on me twice but still I believed the lies he fed me night after night. He was the love of my life. So I had no choice. Every word he spoke, So seductive. Every breath he took, So important. And every lie he made, Completely and utterly believable. If he said jump, I would jump first, Then ask how high. And if it was higher, Then I would jump again. I knew it. And the scary part was, Damien knew it to.
It was my sixteenth birthday that he broke the news to me. He showed up at my party and ate my cake. Smiled at my parents and stole the attention of all of my friends. Once everyone had gone and we were alone. I was dazzled by his stare and watched as his eyes trailed away from me. He didnt touch me. He didnt look at me. He just broke the words soft and slow. Breaking my heart with every word and with every realization that he was being entirely serious.
Eversince I have been on the verge of suicide. I couldnt deal with stress. I couldnt deal with the emptiness in my heart. Damien was a wreck, But he was everything in the world to me. He was my sky and my light. My night and my day. Everything I need. And everything I had lost. I felt so alone and so embarrassed. I always pictured myself marrying Damien. I always pictured, Just me and him. Always and forever. And once I knew I couldnt have him, I also realized I couldnt have life. Because life without Damien was pointless and silent. Like the dead of night. Not to mention my father died two days after my birthday and my mother has been addicting herself to drugs and alcohol twenty, four, seven.
It was to much for my heart to bear. It was to much for me to bear. So my decision was final. I was going to take my life. I tried many times. Failing at each. Everytime my mother or someone finds me and calls the police and I am amazingly saved. I lost all my friends because they couldnt deal with my depression and suicide attempts. But I was two months away from turning seventeen when I finally reached my goal of death.