The Hole in my Heart-Plans
Why the hell would I feel sorry for Chris, normally my goal was to destroy him, but now I couldn't enjoy this kiss that Alyssa was giving me and she sensed it, in fact everyone sensed it, it seems that I looked uncomfortable.
"What's wrong?" she asked sweetly.
"Well something's wrong, Damien. You look kinda tense," Jason added, of all people.
"There's nothing wrong," I insisted, I was usually a pretty good liar but this once no one was buying it.
"Is it because of the big idea I came up with?" Alyssa asked concerned.
"No, it's not that," I replied.
"So it's something?" They all asked at the same time, well everyone except Chris he could care less.
"No" Then I looked at Noel and gave him a, I-need-to-talk-to-you-later look, kind of like the one Alyssa gave me. Noel got the message and just nodded. Every since I became friends with Noel I would tell him everything. He was someone I could confide in, and I knew he would give me advice no problem, kind of like a shrink, just free and someone I could relate to. Unfortunately Alyssa saw me give him the look, she may have acted like she didn't notice, but I knew she noticed. So I mouthed to her 'sorry'.
I love this time of day…free period. Luckily Noel had it too so I got the chance to talk to him.
"No, I'm…confused, you could say," I said.
"You are confused, I would be confused too, if my girlfriend wanted to move in with me, my cousin is dying inside because the love of his life wants to move in with me and you probably are trying to figure out why you didn't enjoy the kiss you got today? I am right?" Oh god he pretty much had everything nailed down.
�"Yes…but there's something else, Chris wants me to say no and normally I could care less, but this once I actually felt sorry for him, why?" I asked that was the only answer I needed and I would be better but I just couldn't nail it down. There is no reason why I should feel sorry for him.
"Oh it's actually pretty obvious, you don't want Alyssa to move in with you, and when Chris told you he strongly disagreed with that, your heart agreed with him and your brain was telling you no matter what I say she'll still appear at my front door," he explained quite thoroughly, he needed to become a psychologist on the side.
"Okay, I thought that question was unanswerable but apparently it is; why wouldn't I want her to move in with me?" I asked, still confused.
"Damien, do I really have to answer that? It's actually quite logical anyone could respond to that, I noticed it when she first announced it," he asked, what did he freaking notice?
"Okay then, one you feel like you won't be able to provide for her, because you're broke and two, I don't think you're ready to have someone be so close to your family. It's okay though, personally I think you should say yes, don't tell Chris though. He'll murder me. My reason for saying yes is, I've never met any couple that's as close as you two, and I just have this gut feeling that being in the same house will either help you or see each others true colours. This is good because you'll know if you're right for each other." Noel explained.
"Oh okay, so should I tell her yes tonight…actually after I hear her motive," I asked still confused, I was actually lost in thoughts.
In case you're wondering, I work at A&F, yes I work at Abercrombie and Fitch, but this works for me because it's my favourite store and I get some serious discounts. But it's the hardest place to work, by this I mean you see pretty girls everyday and girls are always all over you, like even when they think you don't notice them drooling over you, you notice…Alyssa Rayanne Vendross would kill me if she knew this was going on, I would have to quit my favourite job in the world. Anyways I work from 3:30- 7:00 on week days and on weekends I work from 7am- 'til like 3pm, I love it though.
As soon as my shift was done, I left quickly, there were these two girls who were pretending to shop, but really they were looking at me and swear I heard one of them say 'We'll get him when his shift is done' that pretty much convinced me that Alyssa should never know I work at A&F. When the idiot of a cousin I have told her I was well broke and I had a job I knew she felt like I worked at like McDonald's or Quizno's, like why would I want to work there? Anyways I left as soon as I could and rushed to Alyssa's house to pick her up.
As soon as I reached the Vendross Manor (I love coming to her house even if it's tiny compared to my house, it just makes me feel peaceful and happy) my phone rang.
"Hey" I spoke breathlessly into the phone.
"Damien?" some voice asked, I honestly couldn't figure out who it was.
"Yeah, sorry I was out of breath," I was still confused, so I checked my callerID like a smart person would. "You know when you reach your girlfriends house it still takes your breath away, so how are you doing mommy?" Yes it was my mom but I talked to her as if she were my sister, she was young enough to be.
"Oh how are you and Alyssa doing?" she asked, my mom loved checking up on me, and it was actually amusing.
"We're good BUT she wants to move in, it's not like she waited until grad to ask…should I let her move in though?" I still needed an answer I was positive I could trust.
"Well I say, say yes…but does your cousin agree?" she asked, you could hear the smile in her face. My mom always knew I liked Alyssa Vendross (and she thought I stopped liking her and that I was gay, it took days to convince her I was as straight as a ruler which wasn't always straight but I still convinced her and that's all that matters) so she was obviously happy that Alyssa was going to move in…also Alyssa's dad was my mom's boss.
"No, he actually looked like he was going to cry, which by the way messed up my day," I told her.
"How wolfy?" she asked using my nickname, which I will not explain to you.
"I couldn't kiss my own girlfriend, I felt so uncomfortable…I've never feel uncomfortable," I explained.
"Oh, well I should go just checking up on you…if you do decide to let her move in please let me know so I can inform your father…you won't believe this but he feels sorry for kicking you out and wants to start over next week Sunday, bring Alyssa to dinner please, I think he should meet her. She's such a nice young lady," okay that was beyond weird my dad wanted to start all over again.
"Okay, we should invite the whole fam, Mr. Vendross is such a nice man and Ashanti is pretty cool but I'll make sure its only them because I know Ashanti is going to want to bring Jason over," I asked I DID NOT want to be with my dad, Alyssa and my mom alone kind of awkward.
"She can bring Jason, well bye sweetie. Love you with infinite x and o's," and with that she hung up.
I hopped out of car and ran to get Alyssa. I pushed the doorbell and a beautiful goddess opened the door.
She had on this deep V tank top, with short-shorts and some sort of high-heel there was one problem her chest was the highlight of outfit and I found myself looking at her chest one too many times. This was a problem because she gave me a do's and don'ts list and this was certainly breaking one of them.
- Look me in the eyes, you've told me you love my eyes, so keep your eyes on my eyes and not my CHEST
- Even if it's a lie, tell me I look good. Even though I know you'd say I look beautiful.
- Be funny. Which means don't try to be funny but be yourself because you're always funny
- Be sexy. That shouldn't be hard doing, don't change anything, you ARE sexy.
- Please do not lie to me, I want the truth
- Try to support me in my decisions. This doesn't mean no matter what you better support me, no it means if you're up to it support me.
- Please do not rush me. I doubt you would.
- Don't feel or fondle any more than I let you.
- Please remember no means no (you in which context I am talking about)
- Don't ever give up on me, if I give off bad vibes like I don't want to be there and I don't like you. It's not true I do love you.
So after reviewing the do's and don'ts in my head I immediately looked up and stared her deep in the eyes. I loved doing that, she would blush then she would always fall into me, and she did just that.
"I love you," she said breathlessly.
"I love you too," I responded holding her in my arms. She smelled really good, like lavender soap, I liked it. I really enjoyed this moment it's like she had melted into me.
"Oh gawd, you say me and Jason are bad," snorted Ashanti as she walked by with a huge gold and black TNA bag, this meant she was staying over at Jason's.
"One, that's my bag, because you don't like TNA and two, I'm not sexually active with my boyfriend," Alyssa said jumping out of my arms.
"Thanks for ruining the moment Ashanti," I complained.
"Whatever, and I never said I had sex with my boyfriend you can't put that shame upon me," she shot back, with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.
"While you two are right here, I thought I would tell you, next Sunday you are invited to my dad's house for dinner and yes Ashanti you can bring Jason," I told them, Ashanti's face lit up when she heard Jason's name.
"Where am I going?" Jason asked appearing from well no where.
"Oh, sounds good," he responded. "Let's go Ash we have to be there at eight."
"Be where?" asked the ever so nosy Alyssa.
"Movie, me and Jason are going to go see some movie…well bah-bye," she said quickly and ran off with Jason.
"Well I'll be right back I have to get my stuff, I guess I'll sleep over too, is Thomas staying over?" she exclaimed.
"Okay and yes he's staying over, I'll be waiting in the car," I explained.
I ran back to the car an played some Relient K, I may not religious in any way shape or form but their music kicks ass even the ones that are really Christian. It took her hours to return, and then I remembered Pearson he was supposed to be at my house at 7:30 it was 7:20 there was no way I could reach my house in 10 minutes, I lived at least 20 minutes away from Alyssa.
"Lyssa can you call Pearson and tell him I'll be late, here," I said handing her my iPhone.
"When did you get this? I remember you had a Sidekick," she asked suspiciously.
"Courtesy of Kendra Wolfe, I got it last night. In her exact words she said 'Wolfy you need a new phone, a better phone' and then she handed me the iPhone," I responded, my mom loved me that way always looking forward to making new decisions for me-okay it was a phone but whatever.
"Lucky, I wish my dad got me random gifts," she responded.
I laughed, and said "Maybe you'll get one, Kaiya's having a big birthday bash and you're invited, the guest gift is pretty nice."
"I love the way you laugh it's so deep and soothing, and I can't wait 'til her party," she responded as she dialed in Thomas' number.
"Hey Pearson, Damien is running well late we had a few interruptions on our way there so he'll be about 10 minutes late-
"He can chill at my mom's house in the meantime," I yelled.
"Did you hear that?-No, okay well Damien was saying you could hang at his mom's house for the moment, I hear good things about that house-well see you in ten."
Alyssa and I sat on the floor of my room with sheets all over the place, it was a disgusting mess one that was getting on my nerves and I just didn't want to deal with it at the moment.
"Well if you and you're dad get back together you might be able to go to Yale so say yes to Yale and Thornlea, you could always drop one," she suggested.
"But that will be weird, IF we finally come to terms which I can agree on, to just ask him for money," I responded.
"No it won't, if you tell him you got accepted into Yale he'll be so overwhelmed with joy, he'll pay the tuition in a blink of an eye," she explained. She did have a point.
"Okay fine, now that we got that out of the way, why do you want to move in?" I asked this question was beating my brain up.
"Okay, I was thinking…if you did go to Thornlea and I decided I needed to go to Yale I wanted to spend as much time with you possible, Damien I love you and if we do separate I want this summer to be all about me and you and no one else. Also I thinking someone is spying on me, remember how we thought we'd never get those texts again well I still got them and it's not like it was different each time. It kept saying 'You will never see what coming, because something horrible is going to happen to you and one you love.' I haven't been able to sleep at night because I fear someone will kill me in my sleep, I need to be near someone it was either you or Chris and I don't think you'd be to fond of me sleeping in the same room as Chris," she explained and she was right I would be actually really pissed if she was sleeping in the same room as Chris.
"Okay fine, but can you go and explain that to my cousin, because that's why I couldn't kiss you today, it caused the biggest whole in my heart, he's really heart-broken over it…what I don't understand is, if he loved you so much, why did he break up with you?" that question always turned my brain to mush, I just couldn't comprehend it.
"I actually have no idea why, when I first met you he said he would tell me but I guess he forgot, if he does tell me though, I'll tell you no matter what, well I'm going to go take a shower, you want to join me?" she asked. Pardon did you just ask me to get naked and take a shower with you? I thought, you don't understand how lost I was.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Oh I love it when you're insecure, come on, it'll be like after Track when every guy is taking showers expect you won't be with a guy but with a girl…it'll be a pleasing shower," she said. Okay no self-respecting guy would say no, but Alyssa was one of those people who would be like that was a test and you failed I didn't know what to do.
"This isn't some sort of sick, twisted test is it," I asked just double checking.
"Nope come on" with that I followed her.
So the plan was…
- Take a shower with Alyssa
- Let Alyssa move in with me
- Befriend dad
- Say yes to both Thornlea and Yale
- Alyssa's going to Yale whether I go or not('cuz I made her)
- And be happy
That seems pretty simple.