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Life Surrounded by Dream

By: EganP

Chapter 5,



Chapter Four


“It’s so great to see you both!” “Oh you too sweetie” Hugs all around, first my mom then my dad—those bear hugs I missed. “Mom, Dad this is Amanda” “Oh yes your room mate from school” “Nice to meet you Amanda, my name is Beth and this is Steve” “Mr. and  Mrs. McGrath nice to meet you.” “Oh Hun you can call us by our names, or mom and dad which ever you prefer.”

“Come on, I’ll show you around” we headed outside, as we walked we talked. “So Jesse that willow you were telling me about, can you show me?” “Sure, but it doesn’t look as pretty in the winter months as it does in the spring or fall.” “That’s alright I always see it on our wall and with the story, it would be nice to put it all together.” With a shy smile I agreed and we headed out towards the willow, I spent so many long summer days under.


“It is so breathtaking out here Jesse; I can see how you could sit here forever and never get bored of your surroundings.”--Even in the winter this willow brings on cover, with the long vine like branches hanging all around you, I can always count on this weeping willow to hold my secrets.  With my old tire swing tired onto the lowest strongest branch, with its fraying rope and old crumbling, dirty tire swinging in the wind… Just being here brings back childhood memories, but it seems different now…I don’t know what it is…  The field that my willow is sitting on the edge of is still filled with long grass, and bordered with lots of different kinds of trees…  The sky is still open to the heavens and the wind still brings on fresh breeze… If it wasn’t winter I could hear all the different kinds of birds singing to the world, and see the fawns grazing across the way…The protection this place brings me still feels safe, my soul still soars with my calming mood brought on by it all… Maybe it is because I am growing up, because I left the safety of my home to travel to a new state to start another chapter in my life… Maybe it just feels different because Mikey Jay is not here, yet Amanda is?   “Well we have another hour or so until dinner, what else would you like to see?” “Oh it’s so nice out for being winter I think I may just want to enjoy the warmth the sun is bringing right now…”  “I knew my spot would get to you sooner or later” with a quick smirk in Amanda’s direction “Well you were right let’s just stay here for a bit longer…Maybe you could tell me another story?” “Have you not had enough stories about my life? Let’s hear about yours!?” “There is not really much to tell, plus I cannot come close to telling stories in such a poetic way as you, they make me feel as if I am living it with you…”  “Alright I will tell you one, but you can help me start with a story that you have never told anyone and I will add to it as you go, that way we can both feel as if we are reliving it together…” Amanda gave me a small half smile and with a deep breath… “Alright but forewarning I am not really great at telling stories out loud as you are, I am better suited for paper.” “That’s alright it’s just us and nothing will leave my weeping willow tree.” “Weeping willow… Yeah that might become a good name for it once we get started with the story I am about to tell you, about this boy from my past that I have yet to forget about…”


“There was this boy, let’s just call him Guy… Well Guy was my first serious boyfriend, so I thought at the time he was as serious as I was about him… We were going great for a while, so well that I thought he might be the one.  One night we were walking under the stars--there was no moon only the few street lights that lined the street towards my house.—When he stopped walking and turned me towards him and he looked into my eyes and told me he thought it was time that we took the next step… I looked at him like I couldn’t understand what he was getting at and he said; and I quote “Mandy, we should just do it I mean you love me right?” Of course I do; I told him… “so why wait any longer?” We kissed, he responded as any boy would, he pulled me closer and under those stars we continued to kiss, I being the type to give in to easily, made it clear I was willing to take that next step, I mean I was thinking about it already. I pulled my face away as best I could and caught my breath, I told him I needed to get home.  He looked a little annoyed but I just put it to reason that it was because I stopped us so suddenly.” With a roll of the eye-“well you can guess what happened from there” “Oh I only know way to well what happened from there; You and Guy made a plan to get together, even though you were not sure it was the right decision, and you were not completely sure you were ready you didn’t want to turn him away completely…” “Guy was sweet, even though I was scared about what we were about to do, I know I was sure I wanted my first time to be with him… As we lay under those same stars with the full moon over head, Guy read to me one of my favorite poems for an unknown artist, one I told him about the night before. It was called: Silence it is sort of like a love poem, spoken as a dream” “I think I know this poem, may I?” “You shall” “Alight tell me if this is right…” “…Life is love, but without love life is still…” With a look of approval from Amanda—“…Like a flickering candle, shimmering in the still night, a dream once dreamt in a believable world.  I heard your voice…fading into the darkness, as I searched for you my eyes shone bright, from the tears reflecting in the fires light…--I closed my eyes to remember the rest- …I heard my calls for you echo through the trees,  not a sound I heard, other than my voice calling back to me.  Spinning in circles, my tears fell to the ground, as the shadows grow stronger, I fell to my knees…and everything once again went still.” “Well spoken, I told you; you were better than I was at the poetry. But that is not were my story ended… Once guy read me the poem, he whispered in my ear… “I would never leave you alone, I would walk by you until we were freed from those shadowy trees”… Soon after as you could have guessed I found out that he had cheated on me and for a while I didn’t know what to think or what happened to make him do such a thing… I just didn’t want to let him go… He was my first and that meant something to me, so I gave him a second chance and we stayed together… “But things didn’t seem to be getting any better?” as she shook her head- “ I wanted to trust him I did… but I couldn’t put it out of my mind that I wasn’t his only one that I wasn’t the only girl in his life that he told he loved…”—as she stopped her story—“Young teenage love tends to seem like it last forever…” “If only it were true, but we learn from our mistakes and try to move on” –“May I add to this story, before we head inside?”

Looking up at the stars that were starting to pop up as night started to close in around us.-“My love has put me in a state of mind that makes me feel as if I am in a dream, as this dream progresses my heart starts to feel as though it cannot take away this part of me… even if this dreamy state of mind starts to slowly over time become a nightmare…  Please chase me down, and bring me home.  Please deal with my tear splashed face… -For I feel as if I am losing my grip on what we had…- My head is spinning as I look all around me, but I am lost… I don’t know which way to go. So I keep running, hoping that I will finally find my way back as I wish for it all too soon start to make sense… I scream… Please chase me down, just hold me close and never let go… I am in love with feeling, a feeling that once seemed so right, yet I start feeling as if everything I once knew just all of a sudden changed… I cannot fit my head around it, it is as if nothing makes sense anymore the only way to explain how I feel is found not in words but in my soul…” Amanda starts; “I know it may not make sense to some and it may not be real… But well I am with him I feel lost like I am moving too fast, everything is blurring together all around me and soon I feel I just might crash, for my emotions are pulling me in every direction and I don’t know which way is true…”—with a shake of my head, I tell her—“You hate him, yet you still love him… I know that feeling so well.” “Yes, it’s stupid but how else should I feel?”  “I don’t know, I haven’t figured it out yet myself.”


“Where were you living before you ended up at BU Amanda, where did you grow up?” “Oh I am from Boston; I grew up watching baseball at Fenway Park.” “Oh really who is your favorite team?!” as my dad and Amanda talked, I decided to go to my room “I am going to head up stairs…” “I will meet you up there soon.” As I walked away I was happy to see Amanda and my father getting along so well, it was nice to see I am not use to having girlfriends, so I am glad she seems to feel at home here.

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