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Walking on Broken Glass Feels Better than This

Novel By: fallen ninja
Young adult



When 16 year old Raina's mom died she knew things would never be the same, but she never imagined that her dad would blame her for her mother's death. View table of contents...


Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6

Submitted:Apr 5, 2012    Reads: 123    Comments: 8    Likes: 2   


My naked body was sprawled out on the family room floor, as sun's beams broke through the glass window, waking me up.

I tried to use my arms to push myself off the floor, but the moment I began to move, I felt a strong arm pulling me back down.

"At least your good for one thing. I should have done that before." My dad was laying on the floor beside me and I just stared at him in disbelieve. "Ah all those wasted nights."

He stood up brushing his hands off on his pants. "So, how was your first time." He smiled cruelly at me.

I just began to cry, for I honestly didn't know what else I could do.

"Well you better get your lazy ass up." He said walking toward the kitchen. "School starts in an hour, and don't you dare think you are staying home."

I could hardly move, and I didn't see how I was going to make it to school. My body ached so badly.

I spent at least five minutes trying to get up, and another five walking up the stairs and to my room. I grabbed whatever clothes looked somewhat decent, and then went to take a shower.

I turned the water up extra hot, trying to wash his filthy scent off of me.

As I stepped out of the shower, I caught my reflection staring at me in the mirror.

I saw a broken girl, one covered in a shower of purple and blue bruises; one who's eyes were red and puff from tears of the night before; one who had just been robbed of something so important to her.

I turned away, resisting the urge to start crying again.

I only had thirty minutes before school started so I had to rush to get ready.

Once I finished the painful process of putting my clothes on, I began to do my makeup. I had welts and cuts covering my face, but mostly cuts.

As I tried to apply the makeup, my hand keep brushing over the cuts causing me too much pain, and eventually I just quit.

I grabbed my bag from my room and began limping down the stairs. When I reached the last step I saw my dad on the sofa watching some stupid crime scene TV show. He tilted his head my way, but other then that, he showed no other acknowledgement toward me.

I slipped out the door and to my car, sighing as the warm air brushed my body, causing me to become increasingly hot. It was probably eighty degrees, and I was wearing long sleeves and pants to cover up the scars.

I made it to school only minutes before the bell rang and had time to make a quick stop off at my locker before going to my first hour class.

Forcing myself to be strong and not to limp, I walked in with my head held down, so no one would be able to see my face. It probably felt worse than it looked.

I sat in the back, next to Josh like always. He smiled at me but I still didn't look up.

"What's wrong?" He asked, just as the bell rang and the teacher walked in.

I tilted my head up a little and gave him a look that said, 'I'll explain it all later' and then went back to staring at the floor.

The teacher began to start class, but I hardly paid attention to what she was saying.

Instead, I crossed my arms over my desk, and placed my head on them.

When class finally ended I walked out of the room limping slightly, then realized I was at school and stopped. Josh followed me to my locker, which I suspected he would. He wanted answers, and I wasn't entirely to sure if I was ready to tell him.

Sighing, I stopped at my locker and began to turn the lock. I felt Josh's eyes staring deep holes into my skin making me extremely nervous. Before I had time to turn to the last number on the lock Josh grabbed me by the arm and started dragging me toward the nearest exit.

Out of habit, I immediately tensed up. "Where are we going," I asked as the double doors flew open and we were walking through the parking lot.

He turned to look at me and then with a sad smile he answered "For a drive."

"But," I started when we finally reached his car, "We can't just ditch school."

He opened the passenger door, waiting for me to get in. "Your not going to let me out of this one, are you?" I asked, knowing that he had already won.

"Nope, Now get in."

Hesitantly I got in the car, knowing that I was going to be in serious trouble when my dad found out I skipped school, but then I realized I just didn't care. Even if I didn't skip school he would still find another reason to hurt me. I was just making it a little bit easier for him.

Josh started up the car and began heading down the road that lead away from town. I wasn't sure where we were going and I didn't bother to ask for I didn't want to ruin the calming silence of the car ride. Instead I put my feet up on the dashboard, opened the window, and smiled slightly to myself as the wind blew through my hair.

I had been caught in such a trance that I hadn't realized the car had stopped until Josh lightly tapped my arm. When I took in my surroundings, I noticed that we were parked by a train track that was rarely ever used. I sighed heavily and looked over at Josh. "You can't be serious."

"I am actually." He responded. "We used to love this place remember?" He got out of the car and then walked over to my side to help me out.

"I'm not even wearing the right shoes to walk in," I said as my sandals collided with the mud on the ground.

"Seriously, you're such a girl." He rolled his eyes and shook his head..

"Really, this is news to me." I said with obvious sarcasm. "I always thought I was born a guy."

I crossed my arms over my chest, pretending to be angry and he just shook his head again and slightly bent over. "If you're going to complain then I'll just give you a piggy back ride." His arms were out, waiting for me to jump on his back.

Though I wasn't a huge fan of piggy back rides, I was too tired to walk, so I jumped on his back. We crossed over the train tracks and soon found the narrow pathway that lead uphill. Though the hill was in my opinion very steep, Josh seemed to climb it almost effortlessly, even while carrying me. I heard chuckling escape his mouth, causing me to frown. "What?" I asked, wanting to know what he thought was so funny.

"Oh its nothing." He said while laughing. "It's just remember that time we came here in middle school and we were climbing up this hill and you thought you saw a bear and you fell backwards getting a concussion." He paused for a moment. " And then I had to carry you all the way home."

I slapped him playfully on the back of his head. "Seriously, do you have to bring that story up every time we come here?" He stopped and then turned his head around to smile at me. Though I hated to admit it, he had one of the prettiest smiles I had ever seen. He continued to walk up the hill until we finally reached our destination at the top of a cliff that overlooked a beautiful scene of water and miniature uninhabited islands. Josh carefully put me down, and then we both sat down on the edge of the cliff. The rocks of the cliff were cold but somehow it didn't bother me.

We were both silent for a minute, just listening to the sound of nature all around us. Then, almost so quietly that I could hardly hear him, Josh said "So what's going on?"

I gave him a very unconvincing look of confusion. "What do you mean? Nothing's going on, everything's normal. I'm still alive, teachers still suck, and well, you know, plastic surgeons still can't fix your face, but I'm sure you already knew that." I turned to smile at him, but to my surprise he didn't laugh, didn't even smile.

"Can you cut it with the jokes. I'm being serious, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing..." I answered. I was going to continue but he cut me off.

"That's bullshit. you come to school with bruises all the time, hell you even have one over your eye right now." He turned towards me and brushed my bangs out of my eyes to reveal a nasty bluish bruise just above my eye. "How are you going to explain that one?" Though this was a question directed at me he didn't give me time to answer. "Oh let me guess, you ran into the door at your house or maybe a pole cause, you know, all inanimate objects are now out to get you!" He was yelling now, with his hands moving all around to show his anger.

I began to tremble in fear and before I could stop myself I whispered "please don't hurt me. Whatever I did to make you angry I'm sorry." My words came out sounding like mush but I knew he somehow understood what I said. My cheeks flushed red when it finally registered in my mind what I had just told him, yet for some reason I still couldn't stop shaking. Josh placed his hand under my chin and tilted it up, forcing me to look at him.

His face now showed worry and sorrow instead of the anger that had consumed his face just moments before. He leaned in closer to me and lightly said, "Please just tell me what's wrong. Who's hurting you? We can get help and.." He continued talking but my ears just drowned him out. I debated on if I should tell him the truth or not.

"My dad." I whispered, so lightly that I could barely hear myself.

Josh stopped talking and stared at me. "Your dad?" He asked confused. "What about him?"

"He hits me." I spoke very cowardly. It was as if a mouse were talking to a Lion. "For every little thing since my mom died. He blames me for my mother's death." I stopped talking for a moment, not to give Josh time to answer, but to catch my breath, for I had been breathing very heavily. "Mike doesn't know about it and I don't plan on telling him either."

I looked up at Josh' s face for a moment and saw a hint of anger. I stiffened again out of fear.

"I'm not going to hurt you, don't you know that." He placed an arm around my shoulder. "I would never even dream of causing you any pain in any way. I just..I mean I can't believe your father would do something like that to you. I always thought he was a good man."

"He was." I said sorrowfully as memories of my dad and younger me flooded into my head. A picture of me on his shoulders flashed across my mind and then without thinking, I leaned into Josh's shoulder and began to cry. I'm sure he was very surprised, since he hadn't seen me cry since the day he saved me from those bullies in fifth grade, but for some reason, these last few months had made me weak and I just couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"It's ok." I heard Josh whisper in my ear as he rubbed my back and stroked my hair. "Everything's going to be ok." Though I knew what he was saying was lies, at least to me they were, it still felt nice to hear them. I hadn't felt safer in such a long time. When I was in Josh's arms I knew that I would be ok.

I don't know how long I cried but when I finally stopped and lifted my head off of Josh's shoulder I became incredibly embarrassed. His whole shoulder was soaked with my millions of tears. I looked away quickly and began wiping my eyes.

"You need to tell someone." Josh's voice was full of concern and authority that a boy so young shouldn't yet have.

"I did."

"Who"

"You"

"That doesn't count." His voice rose up an octave. "You need to tell an adult, or we could both go to the police and tell them."

"What good would that do?" I screamed at him. "They would what, put me in a foster home! That would probably be ten times worse then where I am now! and besides he's getting help."

"Wait, your dads getting help for hitting you?' He asked.

"Yeah. He sees a therapist and I think its helping." I couldn't believe I was telling him such a lie.

"Some help! If it was helping you wouldn't have all of these!" He lifted up my shirt sleeves to reveal more newly formed bruises. I winced when I saw them myself and a rush of memories quickly invaded my mind. Kissing...,sweaty hands...., pain so much pain...

I quickly pulled my arm away and pulled down my sleeve. "He's trying to get help. It gets better everyday. It used to be a lot worse."

"Well for the time while he is getting help you shouldn't live with him. He is still dangerous to you."

I knew he was right but I had to come up with another lie quick. "I can't just leave him! He is my dad you know and I still love him." I stumbled slightly over the word love. Thankfully he didn't seem to notice. "He is just dealing with the pain of loosing his wife in an interesting way. Its his way of coping. And besides he went to therapy because he wanted to get help! No one forced him to go. I know he loves me and he doesn't' t mean to do the things he does but, I don't know I just can't leave him." In my mind I smiled proudly to myself, knowing that I had just come up with the most believable lie.

"Fine" He said, sounding slightly defeated. "But if this doesn't stop soon, I'm going to go to the police myself whether you want me to or not." He paused for a moment before continuing. "And just know that I'm always here for you and you can be completely honest with me from now on. Friends don't keep secrets or lie to each other."

He pulled me closer to him and I laid my head on his chest. Tears began to slip from my eyes again and I mentally beat myself up for being such a cry baby and a terrible friend.

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Author's Note:

I would just like to thank you all for reading! And for all the great feedback. I hope you enjoy this chapter because I spent a lot of time on it (: but anyway tell what you think. Oh and I will try to have the next chapter up very soon! sorry for my slow updating I have just been super busy lately, but hopefully that changes! again thanks for reading.

~fallen ninja~





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