Cambree decided I should leave my car at her place. She would drive me to Andrew's, she told me.
"Just in case your parents drive by my house to check up on you," she added.
I gave her a strange look as I packed my overnight bag. I didn't think my parents would do that. They trusted me, which sent another surge of guilt through my gut.
"I guess so," I said, packing my favorite flannel pajama bottoms.
"What the hell are those?" she asked me.
"Uhm, I thought they were pajamas," I said flatly, looking back at my pants. "I could be wrong."
She rolled her eyes and walked over, taking them from me. I scoffed. "Cambree."
"Sophia. You're spending the night with your boyfriend. Why don't you try to look a little more Victoria's Secret and a little less Foot Locker."
She walked over to my dresser and started searching. "Ooh, how about this!"
My eyes widened when she pulled out a pair of my skimpy, silky summer shorts and a tank top.
"Cambree, it's too cold for that."
"No, it's not. You guys are gonna be hot anyway."
I rolled my eyes. "Can I pack my own bag, please?"
"Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you." She reached into her purse, and when her hand reappeared, it held like, five condoms. "Take these."
"Cambree. I'm trying not to have sex. If I take these, he's gonna think I want it."
"You do want it. Trust me. And besides. Just in case, you need to be protected."
As much as it pained me to admit it, Cambree was right about that.
So I accepted the condoms, but I tucked them away into the little zipper so Andrew wouldn't see and take them as an invitation.
As soon as I was packed and ready to go, Cambree said, "I'm so excited for you! You have to call me as soon as it's done."
As soon as it was done?
"As soon as what's done?" I asked her.
"Come on, Sophia. You know what I'm talking about."
I didn't respond to that. Instead I said, "What are you doing tonight?"
"My dad's in Detroit. Ethan's coming over. Don't change the subject, either. Now come on, Soph." She winked at me. "Your man is waiting."
Why didn't that excite me like it should have?
Cambree dropped me off at Andrew's like we'd planned. I walked across his yard, thinking how nice it was that he didn't bother to leave his porch light on for me. The yard was dark and I finally made my way up onto his front porch and rang the doorbell.
When Andrew answered, I could tell he had just had a shower by the wetness of his short hair and the fresh smell of his soap. It was easy to lust for this guy, I knew. I knew, because I did. And when he smiled, I fell for him again, forgetting and forgiving the way he'd been acting lately.
"Hey," he said, stepping back to let me in.
"Hey," I told him. I saw the beer can in his hand, and two more on the coffee table. On TV, a movie was paused, and most of the lights were out.
"How was your game?" he asked, closing the door behind me.
"We won," I explained, eyeing the beer cans.
"Cool." He walked back to the couch.
"Uhm, where should I put my bags?"
"Oh just throw them anywhere. You want a beer?"
"What about a smoke? You're your usual tense self."
Was I always this tense around him?
Yes. The answer was yes. "I guess so."
"Good. I've been looking forward tonight. I wouldn't want you stressing."
So he'd rather I be drugged up.
I watched him roll a joint, and I took it between my fingers, taking a long drag. I was beginning to wonder if being here was really a good idea after all. I was nervous for a reason. Who was supposed to be nervous with their own boyfriend, anyway?
As I sat on the couch with Andrew, smoking, all I could think about was how much I would have rather been out with my parents, sister, and Derek, celebrating my softball win.
Andrew's hand was on my thigh. "I'm glad you're here, baby. I thought I would be here all alone tonight."
"I'm glad I'm here, too," I told him. But that wasn't exactly true. I mean, maybe it would be true if I wasn't afraid we'd be doing something I wasn't ready for.
He started to kiss my neck, and slowly I started to inch away from him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Well, I mean, I just got here," I said. "We don't have to get right into this, do we?"
He looked confused.
"I mean, maybe we could talk," I said. "I want to tell you about my game."
"I can't keep my hands off of you for that long," he said. "Come on. Let's go to my room."
His face was buried in my neck again. "Andrew."
He sighed. I could tell he was getting annoyed again. "Sophia, what?"
"I don't know if I'm ready to have sex."
"You're fine, Sophia. It's just one more step. Come on. I'll go slow, I promise."
He kissed my neck again.
I sighed. Was something wrong with me? Everyone was doing this. Cambree was doing this. She was excited for me, Andrew was being so patient with me. I mean, we had been together for a while now. Why was I so uncomfortable? It had to be me.
Andrew's hand slipped under my shirt, his fingers tickling at the skin of my belly, then he was cupping my bra. He buried his face in my hair. "Mm, you smell good," he told me.
Of course I had showered and scrubbed my hair like crazy before I came. Smelling like a softball field would have been a turnoff, Cambree had told me, even though, I sort of wanted to be a turn off at that point.
"Relax," he whispered. "I promise. You'll enjoy it, baby. I'll take care of you."
I could feel my heart nearly beating out of my chest. This was it. The decision was made. I didn't remember thinking it through, or actually even making the decision that I was going to do this tonight, but I knew it was made. I knew I wasn't going to say no to Andrew.
We went to his bedroom. I noticed that all the lights between the living room and there were out.
That's right, I remembered. We're alone.
He lead me down into his room, his fingers laced with mine, and flipped the overhead light on.
I'd been in his room before. This wasn't new to me. But being here now, knowing what was about to happen, made being in here different; like it was the first time.
I noticed everything.
I noticed that his bed was unmade. I noticed the few pieces of clothing that had missed the hamper and instead were scattered close by it in the floor. One drawer was open slightly, and I saw a pair of jeans hanging over the side.
I thought it was so strange. Andrew was so clean-cut, I never would have expected his room to be so messy. I also never would have expected that it would bother me so much.
He looked at me with a smile, a sleepy, hazy smile. "You relaxed?"
I nodded, but I wasn't so sure I wasn't lying.
He walked over, slipped his hands onto my waist, easing the material of my shirt up until his palms touched my skin. His lips were on mine, and all I could think was this was it. Here we were, in his bedroom, kissing. We were alone, with no one to stop us. No one but me, and I had little confidence in myself that I would be the one to do it.
I kissed back.
Slowly, Andrew pushed me backwards. I realized he was walking me back to the bed.
My heart was beating faster and faster, my nerves getting the better of me. I was supposed to be full of excited nerves. I wanted to be excited. Why couldn't I just relax?
With Andrew's body pressed against mine, I could feel a hardness pressing against me. I gulped. He was getting ready for me. That was all could think about when I felt it.
It's just one more step, Sophia, I told myself. Relax.
Besides. Wasn't everyone doing it? I was sure Cambree didn't freak out like this.
Andrew pushed me back onto his bed, and I laid back.
The time I was here was the day after my birthday. We'd only fooled around. I'd been OK with that. Why couldn't Andrew be OK with just that now?
His hand was on my breast.
Relax, I told myself again, pushing those nagging, anxious thoughts away. The way I felt must have been normal. Just nerves. First-time jitters. Everyone probably felt like this.
"Sophia, you're so beautiful," Andrew muttered against my neck.
What about me was normal right now? I was living every underclass girl's dream. I was Andrew Harper's girl. I was the one he wanted, the one he was calling beautiful. I was the one his, uhm, man parts got happy for. I shouldn't have been having any second thoughts about being here right now.
But I was.
Andrew started peeling my shirt off, so I sat up and let him pull it over my head. He leaned forward, kissing me again, then his lips trailed a line down over my chin, down my neck and to my chest.
"You wore my favorite bra," he told me with a smile.
I didn't reply. I wasn't sure how to. I always heard of girls in the movies or in those romance books talking sexy to their guys, but I didn't know how. I didn't want to turn Andrew off by saying something, stupid, so I didn't say anything at all.
"I like it better off you though," he said, slipping his hands around my body and to the back clasp of my bra. Next thing I knew, he was unsnapping it, and pulling it off.
His eyes were on me then, staring at my chest with an appreciation that I guess should have flattered me, but instead it made me nervous.
I watched him as he pulled his sweats off, and revealed that he wore no boxers. My eyes widened. Yes, I had seen him before. But he was bigger there than I had remembered, and I found myself getting nervous.
"Uhm, you have condoms, right?" I asked. "Because if you don't, I do."
He nodded. "Of course I do."
He kissed me, and rolled onto his back, wrapping his own hand around himself. "Are you gonna make me do this myself, or are you going to help me?"
I raised my eyebrows. What? "What do you mean?"
He nodded down. "You know what I mean."
Again? He wanted that again? And now? I had thought we were going all the way, but he wanted something else?
He must have noticed my questioning glance, because he sighed. "Damn, Sophia, do you know anything at all, or am I going to have to teach you every damn thing about sex?"
I narrowed my eyes.
"I need you to get me ready, Sophia," he told me.
Get him ready? He looked ready to me.
"I thought we were going to-"
"Sophia, come on," he snapped. "Just do it."
I sucked in a breath, and his expression softened. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to help you. It's your first time, and I'm trying to show you what to do. I want this to be good for you, baby."
He was right. It was my first time, and he did know more than me. So I did what I was asked. It was just as disgusting now as it was the last time, but Andrew didn't seem to feel that way. He slid his hand in my hair, moaning my name, and he finally told me to stop, so I gladly did.
"Lay back," he instructed. So I did, and he pulled off my jeans and my underwear.
Once I was completely naked and he was completely naked, I knew it was time. Andrew climbed on top of me.
"Wait," I said, putting my hand on his chest. "What about the condom?"
"It's your first time. You don't want a condom your first time, baby. You want it to be good."
I shook my head. No. I was standing firm on this one. "I want you to wear a condom, Andrew."
"Sophia, I'll pull out."
I shook my head again. "Please."
He sighed. He looked annoyed, but I didn't care. He was reaching into his bedside table and when I saw his hand reappear, there was a small, square foil between his index finger and thumb.
I let out a sigh of relief. Thank God.
"It would be better without," he tried as he ripped open the package.
"I believe you," I said. "But I'd rather not take any chances."
I watch him slip on the condom and he settled between my legs.
This is it.
I chewed my bottom lip. Good thing Andrew didn't know I did that when I was nervous.
"You ready?" he asked me. I felt him pressing against me, inching inside.
I nodded, nervously.
He kissed my lips, then leaned forward to whisper in my ear. "I'll go slow, baby, I promise."
And then I shut my eyes and waited as he slowly pushed his way inside, taking my innocence inch by inch.
*I know I'm not updating as quickly as I was before. Thank you guys for being patient with me!! I'm trying to get myself back right haha. But I'm trying to get my next novel started so it'll be ready for uploading when Riding With Boys is complete and my job is killing me. So bear with me if it takes another week to get chapter 18 up. You guys are awesome for sticking with me so far and I love you guys!! I appreciate you and your amazing comments more than you know!! :)*