My heart was in my throat as I looked at the bright blue plus
sign that was staring me in the face. I felt my eyes close as
Tanner took the test out of my hands as I started to cry. I
looked at the second, positive. I looked at the next one.
Positive. I picked up the next one and sighed confused. Negative.
My mind was in a knot. I didn't know what was going on. I looked
at the next one. It was positive. So it's positive. I'm pregnant.
"I'm pregnant." I felt my bottom lip start to quiver. Tanner
wrapped his arms around me pulling me to sit on his lap holding
me. He laid his chin on my shoulder and held me.
"I'm sorry Ryan." He whispered. I shook my head turning around
and clinging to his t-shirt. He stroked my hair as I cried my
"I can't have a baby. I'm not ready to have a baby. I just turned
18." I sobbed.
"I know but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.
There is no turning back now." I shook my head.
"No, no, no. I ruined my life and I ruined yours." I cried.
"Shh stop crying come one its okay." He whispered kissing me.
Something clicked making me sob harder.
"What if the baby isn't yours? I could never live with myself if
it was his. I will kill myself if it is." Tanner's arms tightened
almost painfully around me.
"Never ever, did I repeat myself enough for you, you will never
thing about killing yourself. Never." He snapped pulling my face
up to look at him. I felt my tears start to slow down as I stared
at the anger clouding his eyes. "You will never thing about
killing yourself. Do you understand me?" I shook my head.
"How could you want me if the baby isn't yours? Why would you
want me?" I asked a sob slipping from my lips.
"Because I love you. I love you so much it scares me sometimes.
It hurts when I'm away from you. I'm happy when you're happy. I'm
sad when you're sad. I love you. I'm not letting some fucking
bastard ruin what I have hope and dreamed of. I feel loved for
the first time in years. Baby I don't care what you say I love
you and I love this baby." He took a deep breath closing his
eyes. "Please don't take that away from me." I reached my hand up
to gently cup his cheek.
"Why would you want me?" I whispered. He opened his eyes to look
at me. I could see him on the verge of tears.
"I want to be loved. I want you. I want this baby. I love you so
much." He whispered holding me tight. "I don't know what I would
do if I lost you." He hid his face. "I really don't know what I
would do." I brought his face to mine tasting the salty tears on
his lips. "I love you so much Ryan Banks."
"I love you too Tanner Daniel." I kissed him again. I picked up
the testes looking at them.
"You know you might not be pregnant." He laid back on the bed
looking at me.
"Yeah but the positive to negative ratio isn't really working in
my favor as it's a 4 to 1. I will have to call my doctor to get
checked and to take sure I am and blah and blah and blah." I
sighed putting the tests on the nightstand before lying down next
"I love you baby." He smiled pulling the blanket up around us. He
leaned back on the pillows and looked at me.
"Tanner?" He opened one to look at me.
"What are we going to do if it's your baby?" He opened the other
eye to look at me fully.
"What do you mean?" He asked pulling me to lie at his side.
"What am I going to do with my life? I'm 18." He kissed my head.
"We are going to get a nicer two bedroom apartment. You would
come live with me so I can help you raise the baby. I would make
sure you are safe and healthy while I'm away till I get home. You
wouldn't have to worry about living cost and you would still get
some money from me." I looked at him as he was off in his own
little world. "You could be happy and safe here. I would make
sure of it." His eyes started to drift shut as he still mumbled
away to me. I smiled snuggling up to him letting sleep take over
"I love you." I whispered…….
I woke up lying on my stomach with a pounding headache. I looked
at the other side of the bed to see a piece of paper taped to the
pillow. I groaned leaning up pulling the not off.
I wish I could have woke up with you but I had to be on duty. I
get off at noon so I will call you or you can call me whatever
you want. Well I love you. I kissed your forehead before I left
causing you to turn over, sorry about that. There is food in the
frig. Okay talk to you later.
I love you,
I folded the note again and pushed it into my pocket. I got out
of bed walking to the kitchen to find something sugary. I want it
bad. I find some cinnamon toast crunch and took out some milk
pouring myself a glass. I picked up my phone calling to make a
doctor appointment with a gynecologist at the hospital,
thankfully they could fit me in a couple of hours as it wasn't
crowd and the person just canceled about 4 minutes ago. After
that I poured myself another bowl of cereal before I dialed Emmy.
Me* Hey Em
I heard sheets ruffling as she got up.
Emmy* How did it go? What did they say.
Me* I had a 4 to 1. But I called the doctor and got a
Emmy*Cool when is it?
Me*it's at 11 and Tanner doesn't get off work till 12 so I was
wondering if you could maybe come with me?
Emmy* Sure I will ask your brother if he could watch Asher but if
not I could always bring him with us.
Me* Thank you Emmy.
Emmy*Your welcome, do you maybe want to go bet something to
Me* Yeah I'm starved. Where are you?
Emmy* Your house.
Me* Okay you will be here in about 15 minutes than I want to
Emmy* Sure. See you soon.
I hung up the phone putting my bowl in the sink. I don't know I
was still hungry. I walked into the bedroom pulling on one of
Tanner's hoodies since I put mine in the wash. I grabbed my keys
sending Tanner a text message before I locked the door walking
out to wait for Emmy to come pick me up……….