"Why don't we go back to Bailey's room to talk?" He said in a
quiet voice. He was scaring me. All I could do was nod. The nurse
have been talking to put her hand on mine giving me a little nod.
It was a 'good lucky' nod. I smiled weakly back at her before
making my way slowly over to Bailey's room. Well I walked in she
was lifting herself up from the crib bars so she was standing up.
She would always do this when she was at home, copying her older
brother. She looked at me before letting go of the bars, like she
always did. She fell almost right away landing right on her butt.
Her bottom lips stuck out in a pout as she sat there, wishing she
was standing up. I couldn't help but smile at her. I picked her
up letting her cuddle into me again. I looked at the doctor.
"Ryan I really think you should sit down for this." He said
pulling up a folding metal chair from the corner of the room. I
sat down on the rocking chair and looked at him, waiting for him
"Go ahead Doc. I'm ready." He took at deep breath opening the
folder to read again before looking at me.
"You know how we took all those samples from her? And how I said
we were going to run some tests on them to see if she was okay,
and for what was happening to her?" I nodded my head looking down
at Bailey as she started to drift away into her dreams.
"Yes, I remember." I said in just a whisper.
"Well we got the test back. With the answers I got I made them
test them twice. If they were wrong and we treated it the way we
suppose to then it could have killed her. But it wasn't wrong." I
looked at him confused.
"What did you find? Can't you just tell me?" I asked again
stroking my daughter's hair in fear. Fear for her life.
"In her blood and urine we found an extremely high content of a
protein called Alpha-fetoprotein. This protein really shouldn't
be there. So we ran test after test to find out why it is there."
He stopped and looked at me. I was frozen in my spot. I couldn't
"What's this mean?" I didn't even know if he heard what I said
but he closed the folder again looking at me.
"Your daughter has a rare condition called Hepatoblastoma." I
swallowed hard. "I'm sorry Ryan, but Bailey has cancer." My heart
stopped. I mean it, I swear it stopped beating. My daughter; my 8
month old baby girl has cancer. How? Why? Why her? Why did it
have to be her? I felt the tears roll down my face. His words
were repeating in my head over and over again. Bailey has cancer.
Bailey has cancer. My innocent baby has cancer. No. They have to
"No, no. Please tell me you're lying." I begged him. He shook his
"I wish I was Ryan. I really wish I was. But the tests don't lie.
Everything matches for everything. The vomiting, the loss of
weight, her sleeping so much, her fever, and even why she wasn't
growing as fast as her brother. It all goes with Hepatoblastoma.
I'm sorry Ryan. I wish it was something else. Something less
deadly. But it's not. It's this. We are going to need to get a
CAT scan of her liver, as well as an ultra sound. I will make
sure you are updated on everything. I will be back to you later."
He said before walking out. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Like
my lungs weren't working. I did the only thing I would. I laid my
little angle down in the crib, where she slept soundly, like
nothing was wrong, and grabbed my phone. I dialed Dad.
All I could do was cry. I couldn't make out a word to him. I
started to sob, quietly as not to wake Bailey
Dad* Hello? Anyone there?
Dad* Ryan? Ryan what's wrong? Why are you crying?
Dad* Ryan you need to tell me what's wrong.
Me* They got her tests back
Me* Bailey needs you, She needs Tanner. She needs her
Dad* Baby I will be right there. Don't you move. Just stay there
Me* Okay Daddy.
Dad* I love you.
Me* I love you too.
I hung up the hospital phone as my cries started to slow down. I
needed to call Dr. Fisher. I needed him too. For Bailey. I dialed
his and Kelsey's house number.
Me* Hey Kelsey.
Kels* Hi Ryan what can I help you with.
Me* Is Rodger there?
Kels* No he just left. Can I take a message for him?
Me* No it's okay. I will just call his cell phone.
Kels* Ry, is everything okay?
Me* No, no it's not.
Kels* What's wrong?
Me* I can't tell you right now but I will soon. Okay?
Kels* Okay. I guess I talk to you soon.
Me* Yeah. Bye.
I hung up before I picked back up the phone and dialed Rodger's
cell phone number.
Rod* Yes, Ryan what's wrong?
Me* Where are you?
Rod* I am dropping Andy off at school before I was going to check
on you and Bailey. What's wrong?
Me* They got her test results back.
Rod* What did they say? Were they mean to you? Were they mean to
Me* No they were nice. They said…..
I took a deep breath.
Me* They said that Bailey has Hepatoblastoma.
Rod* Liver cancer?
Me* Yes, that's what they said.
I broke down crying again.
Rod* Shh, Shh I will be there soon. Just hold on and stay with
Bailey. Did you call your parents?
Me* Yes Dad said he was on his way.
Rod* Okay I will be there in about a half hour. Be goo till I get
Me* Okay. Bye.
I hung up the phone as I heard footsteps running into Bailey's
room. I looked up with burry eyes to see Dad standing there. He
ran over to me and dropped to his knees, hugging me tightly. I
wrapped my arms around him holding him tightly. The only
relational thought that was passing through my head right now was
these two words.