“What about us Ryan?” He asked letting his hand slid out of mine. I looked right into his eyes. Oh….he thinks. Oh that! I leaned up to press my lips to his. He looked down at me. “You’re scaring my Ry.” He whispered in a gentle voice.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” I whispered. He just looked down at me.
“Why do you want to talk about ‘us’ than?” He asked moving over so I wasn’t touching him. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I looked over. He just looked away.
“Never mind.” I said getting up and quickly running out of the room. He rejected me. I never felt like this. I hated it. I didn’t want to feel rejected. I found myself sitting on top of the washer and dryer with the door closed. I felt the silent tears rolling down my face as I fought them. I felt like my heart was braking, but it wasn’t. He thought it was. He thought I was going to leave him. He rejected me. How could he? Why did he? I tried to take a deep breath to stop the sobs that wanted to escape from my chest.
“Ryan? Ry, I’m sorry. Please Ry, where are you?” I heard him calling quietly into the hall ways. I heard his footsteps as he walked down, getting closer and closer to the machines I was sitting on. He checked every room. He was stumped. I could see it from the slit in the door. He couldn’t find me. I took a deep shaky breath. The washer turned on making me jump. I knocked a bottle of fabric softener right onto my head making it cover me. It was in my hair, running down my face, pooling in my cleavage, soaking my t-shirt, I heard footsteps again and watched as the door opened. Tanner looked at me, watching as the purple glue slid down my body getting soaked up by my cotton tee shirt. I looked at him from under my clumped together lashes as he sighed. The tear still rolling down my cheeks. “Ryan, what did you do?” He asked looking at the mess I had made.
“I jumped and hit my head on the shelf.” I said trying to keep back the sobs as I fought to stay quiet. Tanner picked up a washcloth from the clean mile by my feet turned to me.
“Close your eyes Baby.” He whispered. I closed my eyes letting him gently wipe the goo from my eyes so I didn’t get it in them. He picked me up cradling me to his chest like he does Bailey and carried me to the bathroom. He helped me pull the heavy soaking wet clothes from my body. I sat there as he turned on the water for me step under. I watched him strip naked, and of course I watched. He was going to be my husband. I am allowed to watch him strip in front of me. He put my head under the steamy water and ran his finger through it. “I’m sorry Baby. I didn’t mean it.” He kissed my newly clean lips. I looked up at him.
“All I wanted to say was if you wanted to bump up the wedding.” I cried out in pain as he touched the spot I hit my head. He gently moved my hair to see why it hurt.
“Well you got a pretty big bump here.” He sighed leaning down to kiss it better. I nodded my head laying it on his wet naked shoulder. “Why do you want to move the wedding up?” He asked changing the shower to a bath.
“Well I was talking to Bailey’s doctor and you see her wants her closer to the hospital in case something happened, you know to be safe because it’s going to get worse as the treatment goes on. Well me being the overprotective mother I am, well I was looking at some cancer specialists and I found one that takes our insurance that is really close to base.” I nodded as he took the shower gel and washed me gently to get the smell of the goo away as I got too tired to move much.
“So isn’t that a good thing? You get to go to a specialist that can take care of her.” He kissed me again. I looked up at him with one eye.
“See there’s a funny part to all of this.” I said giving him a nervous laugh. He looked at me.
“Oh no, not the nervous laugh.” He groaned.
“Well you see the specialist is outside of base. About 10 minutes really but the funny part is that he kind is about 7 states away from us.” I bit my lip. Tanner looked at me wide eyed.
“7 states? What is that Utah? Is there even a base in Utah?” I slapped his chest playfully.
“No there isn’t that I know of. But no it’s not in Utah. It’s by Camp Pendleton.” I said looking up at him innocently.
“Ryan that’s in California.” He said like I didn’t know.
“I know that Tanner, but I already called him and he said if we could get planned and ready and everything he would be happy to help us with Bailey.” He looked down at me debating if I was right or just bull shitting him. He sighed.
“Tell me talk to my C.O. and see what I can do. Have you told anyone?” He asked kissing me as we lay in the tube together.
“My Mom and Dad know and Emmy too but that’s it.” He nodded putting him chin on top of my head staring into space. I took his hand in mine and gently stroked his hand thinking about everything. I never thought I would be sitting here talking about this. What to do best for my daughter for her liver cancer. My head was broken as I thought of it. As if on cue a baby started to cry and I knew it was Bailey’s cry. Tanner got up quickly.
“You stay here and I will settle her. Relax, you need it.” He kissed my head before walking out leaving me there in the semi-warm water……….