………… I looked at Bret gloating over his haul for the evening and felt numb and so tired I hadn’t slept for three days straight the only thing keeping me going was the little pills Bret gave me now I was crashing and hard my body was done and running on empty.
“I can’t do any more” I moaned “And that guy ripped my shirt” trying to find any excuse to get out of going back into the club Bret looked at me.
“I guess we got a pretty good lot tonight” he shrugged “I’ll run you home and then maybe I get to taste what those losers want” he sneered pulling me hard against him. I wanted to push him away but I was done fighting for anything it never got me anywhere, it caused more hassle if you fight against certain things.
Bret walked over to the only BMW in the parking lot and took the keys that he’d taken from the guy who was now trying to pick himself up from the ground, we got in and Bret pulled away sending streams of black smoke form the tires. He drove out of town to one of the dark wooded gravel roads before he stopped, I knew what was going to happen next I just let him do what he wanted the sooner it was over the sooner I could be home………………………………..
…………………. I walked into the house and looked at the clock 1.23am I pulled off my shoes and walked into the kitchen to get a drink.
“Wow in before Dawn impressive” I spun round to see my brother stood in the doorway.
“Go to hell” I snapped pushing past him, he grabbed my arm.
“Autumn, you can’t keep going out doing whatever it is you’re getting up to pretending to be someone that you’re not” Matt sighed touching my hair “Dad knows there’s something going on”.
“Like he cares, and I do what I have to too stop me remembering” I snatched my arm from Matt’s hold.
“The rest of us have moved on you need to do the same” he called after me as I walked up the stairs.
I walked into my room and closed the door I sat on the bed and pulled of the red wig letting my own dark brown hair fall round my shoulders I pulled back the covers and without getting undressed crawled under them, finally allowing my eyes to close even though the sleep was a welcome one it was far from restful because those little pills help block things out for a while but the nightmares come back harder every time……….
…………………. “Hey you’re going to be late” I groaned as Matt was trying to shake me awake.
“I’m not going” I said pulling the blanket closer round me.
“Yes you are” I heard Dad’s voice from the doorway. “Get out of bed now and get ready for school” I looked at him still dressed in his cop uniform. “Staying out late is not a reason for you not to go to school” he barked not even looking at me.
“Who said I was out” I snapped back.
“You must think I was born yesterday” he said glaring at me his dark eyes full of disgust and hurt the eyes that used to look at me with love and affection were long gone “That S.O.B. you’ve gotten yourself mixed up with isn’t the type to bring you home before your curfew” I got out of bed my head pounding.
“Yeah well at least Bret isn’t looking at me like I was something he’d stepped in” I spat.
“You’ve let me down Autumn” he said wearily “You’re a disappointment, what do you think your Mom would have to say about it”. I grabbed my things from the dresser.
“Why don’t you take that gun put it to your head pull the trigger and go ask her yourself” I slammed past him into the bathroom.
I put my hands on the edge of the vanity and looked in the mirror the traces of the last nights make up were round my eyes I felt like I wanted to throw up as I heard Matt and Dad’s raised voices and doors slamming washed up and pulled on my hoodie and jeans and sneakers before walking out past Dad’s bedroom door where the door was firmly closed I went out in to the kitchen Matt was standing leaning against the stove he handed me a coffee.
“You ready to leave” he sighed I just picked up my phone and bag and walked out and waited by his car Matt came out and unlocked the doors we got in. “that was a bit strong what you said to dad wasn’t it”.
“Look your golden boy you’ll never do anything wrong in his eyes” I said looking out of the window. “He blames me for what happened; he can’t even look at me most of the time”.
“He’s hurting” Matt snapped.
“And I suppose I’m just some heartless bitch who has no emotions and no feelings” I hissed as we pulled into the school parking lot, I got out and ran into school I didn’t need this I walked down the hall to my locker and put my things in my phone vibrated in my pocket I looked at the message.
***new message *** Bret *** 7.54am *** need you now by the gym ***
I pushed my phone into my pocket and grabbed my things before closing the locker I hurried down the hall past the giggling cheerleaders who were making eyes at the jocks, I was one of those girls 2 years ago how life changes and you find out that people you thought were close friends turn their backs on you when the shit hits the fan I ran through the gym to the doors on the far side pushing them open to see Bret sitting on the hood of his own car.
“Took your time didn’t you” he said as I put my books on the hood of the car.
“I was on the other…” he held up his hand.
“I don’t care. I’ll pick you up at 8 tonight and wear the red dress.
“I can’t… I can’t do it again” I pleaded Bret got off the car and walked up to me grabbing y wrist and twisting it.
“You can and you will or your little supply will dry up” he held a pill in his fingers “And all the pain will come back, your Dad doesn’t love you your Brother puts up with you and your friends walked away from you” he said pushing the pill into my mouth “I’m the only one that watches out for you and looks after you without me you’d be a wreck” I swallowed the pill as he spoke “You get the attention of guys and get to forget what you did”. He let go of me and walked to his car. “8 tonight, you have to impress some guys I know” I felt my blood run cold as he drove away, I knew I was messing up so bad being with him but he said it as it was he was the only one giving me what I needed to deal with my hell ride of a life………………………………………….
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