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Around the Carousel

By: kissthemoon

Chapter 1, This is the first instalment in a recollection of memories. Before I even discovered Tucker Max or the erotic and deeply personal book by an unknown sex columnist I had long decided that I needed to immortalize the person I had become by reaching back into the depths of my mind and pulling out (most of… or maybe just lots of) the men that had ever entered my life. The lovers, the friends, the heartbreaks and the conquests. It was through all these various relationships where solidified, confident me was formed. I have to pay tribute to all these men. How could I not?

~*2009*~

“Seriously Matt for the last time, I am not bringing you a pizza.”
“Come on, it’s so cold outside and you know how much I love my pizza. I’ll even share with you.”
I snorted into the phone. “I’m leaving now. I’ll be there in ten.”
“You know what would be even sexier? If you got here in twenty minutes… with a pizza.”
I laughed loudly as we both knew that wasn’t happening and flipped my phone shut. That was Matt for you. One-track mind with a face too cute and a little nerdy for words like ‘sexy’. It was probably why I never got offended or disgusted when he used cheesy pick up lines just to say them, or used bad stereotypes to win an argument.

It was always innocent with Matt. Even when, back in 2002, we went too far in the back of his mom’s station wagon after catching a late-night flick; effectively making me the cheater in my first and very short relationship. It might be noteworthy that it was his best friend who was my first casualty, but then again…. I remember feeling exceptionally calm towards the thought of cheating.

I don't want to seriously date a bunch of guys, I just want to get off. How is that cheating?

My revved up teenage brain justified the act with a notion that sexual desires were meant to be fulfilled though not necessarily by just one person.

And why the hell should anyone feel bad about that?!

Matt and I had grown in to a routine over the years and probably never realized it while it was happening. After a few heartfelt but failed attempts at an exclusive relationship we reverted back to the friends with benefits role. I loved this role a lot more than was probably healthy for me but that’s why they say hindsight is 20/20. Matt unlocked a side of intimacy that I would never have known was possible to attain without being in a monogamous union. He personified the whole ‘have your cake and eat it too’ thing. I mean, I could continue to be friends with the gender I was most comfortable with and we could sleep together without lying to ourselves and each other about wanting no one else? This inadvertently encouraged me to exclusively seek out these kinds of partnerships and revel in my success. For years I would rock up in leggings and an old favourite t-shirt and know I’d still get laid.

Tonight’s outfit consisted of fitted black sweats, a Hollister hoody, and a thong that I considered cute, but not sexy. Totally fitting for the guy I was about to hop into bed with. Of course, after I hopped the fence into his parents’ backyard. Matt had a weird thing about not wanting me to come in through the front door. Part of me believed him when he said it was too late at night, but part of me also believed it was because he was still ashamed that he “stole” me away from his best friend; a guy who grew up around Matt’s family like one of their own and yet hadn’t been seen at the house since I started hanging out there.

“Come on, hurry up and shut the window, you’re letting all the heat out!” Matt jokingly said through chattered teeth whilst hopping about his room.
“You know, there’s always the option of coming to my house now and again,” I said as I dropped down onto the bed.
“Yes but then I would have to put on pants and we both know how much I hate pants,” Matt replied.

I smiled. It had been an ongoing joke for years. Matt really did hate pants, cursed their existence, and only wore them when he had to leave the house. Even then they were four sizes too big and I used to tease him that he could fit another person in there until one day he suggested we try it. Turns out, four sizes too big can be just the right fit for two horny teenagers.

After our usual small talk I took out my little Bob Marley tin box and got started.
“Have you heard of The Big Bang Theory?" Matt asked as I broke up some pot.
“Are you insulting my intelligence again? Of course I know about the big bang theory, but that’s not really a discussion I feel like getting into at midnight.”
A tiny hysterical Matt laugh. “No silly, The Big Bang Theory, as in the TV show! I watched an entire season yesterday.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Seriously, an entire season? Even for you, that’s a bit much!”
He swivelled around and around in his office chair. “You have no idea how funny it is. ‘If I could talk the language of rabbits, they would be amazed and I would be their king.’” he quoted in a terrible Indian accent.

I raised my other eyebrow. “Uh-huh. Sounds amazing.” (Funnily enough, The Big Bang Theory would come to be one of my favourite shows after that night. Every single time I watch that episode I think of Matt when Raj says that line. And I always remember the copyrighted Matt laugh that went along with it.)

“Hey, you haven’t said anything about my new room arrangement,” Matt suddenly stopped spinning and mock-pouted at me. “Didn’t you notice I changed it?”

“It’s hard to keep track when you move your furniture around every other week,” I said sweetly in response, “But this totally suits you. That computer desk was just such an eyesore when it used to be three feet to the left of where it is now.”

“I know, right?!” Matt giggled hysterically. “I think I am almost satisfied with it. Actually I should probably move my table closer to my bed. And I will never paint this room again. Blue for life, baby!”

“Right, so, we smoking this before or after the movie then?” I held up the joint in response, knowing all too well the limits of Matt‘s short attention span.
“Before. Always before,” an excited Matt jumped from his swivelling chair. “But first…..” he crawled onto the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me with his full lips that I always loved to suck and nibble on. He grinned sheepishly as he pulled away. I smiled in return and removed his glasses. I ran my eyes over his tall figure that was tucked underneath an old, grey university sweatshirt and black boxer shorts. Then we both got lost in lust and routine.

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